New Zealand



I believe we were all glad to leave New Zealand. It is not a pleasant place ... the greater part of the English are the very refuse of society. Neither is the country itself attractive. If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick.

New Zealand (Aotearoa) is a country in Oceania. It is best described by this equivalence relation: New Zealand is to Australia, as Canada is to America and Austria is to Germany. Some have described New Zealand as "like charmingly crap Britain in the 1950s." Others refer to it by its cleverdick nickname "Godzone," as in "God's Own Country," etc. The country is often omitted from world maps due to its insignificance isolated geographical location.

All former Prime Ministers in recent political history have been agnostic, with even the former right-wing National Party leader John Key stating in a live interview — "I don't believe in life after death, so in the traditional sense of the world [sic] no, but I have no conclusive proof either way." Key resigned in late 2016, passing the mantle to Bill English, who is a Roman Catholic yet continued his predecessors' trend of keeping religion separate from politics. It seemed unlikely he would hold this position for long and left Parliament after losing the 2017 election to the left-wing Labour Party and leader Jacinda Ardern. Ardern won reelection in 2020 in a landslide victory, with the Labour Party winning an absolute majority for the first time since 1946. . In January 2023, Ardern resigned as Prime Minister and was replaced by Chris Hipkins. The next election will be held on October 14th 2023. Current National leader, Christoper Luxon, has been described as an Evangelical Christian; however, he has stated, several times, that religion and politics should be kept separate, stating that "It is not in itself a political agenda. I believe no religion should dictate to the state, and no politician should use the political platform they have to force their beliefs on others".

The Lord of The Rings and The Hobbit trilogies were filmed in New Zealand. It's also the home of bungee jumping and pavlova.

There actually is an Old Zealand (or Zeeland as it's usually spelled these days) in the Netherlands, but New Zealand seems to be more popular. Neither one has any relation to Denmark's Zealand (Danish name Sjælland), or to Sealand, which is a tiny island in the North Sea that claims to be a real country, despite only having a population of 27.

No, is not a Kiwi (nickname for a New Zealander), as he has lived in Australia for most of his life – unless he does something stupid, then the Aussies says he's from New Zealand.

History
New Zealand was the last major habitable landmass on the planet to be settled by humans. Polynesian settlers, probably from the Cook Islands or thereabouts, arrived sometime around the 14th century and became the people known as Māori. On arrival, they started causing mass extinctions like every other group of people to first arrive on a major landmass. A few of these people then left to settle on some small outlying islands, reverted to hunting and gathering because the land couldn't support agriculture, and became the Moriori.

The first European to sight New Zealand was the Dutch explorer Abel Tasman, who charted some of the western coast in 1642, naming it Staten Land. After remaining undisturbed for 125 years, European contact became frequent following the voyages of the great navigator James Cook, who charted most of the coastline and made detailed description of the land and people between 1769 and 1779.

The latter years of the 18th century saw increased interest in New Zealand from whalers and sealers, some of whom became the first European settlers. Missionaries arrived in the early part of the 19th century, although progress in spreading Christianity was initially very slow.

European contact, and especially the import of firearms, led to wide ranging inter-tribal wars in the 1820s and 1830s, killing an estimated 10% of the population and leading to the conquest and near total genocide of the Moriori, who unlike the Māori, had not been blessed/cursed with European contact.

New Zealand became officially a British colony in 1840, with the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi by leading Māori chiefs. The following 30 years however saw a series of conflicts between the settlers and Māori tribes, and also saw the beginning of the alienation of a large part of Māori-owned land.

New Zealand saw rapid immigration, mainly from Britain and developed a predominantly agrarian economy, boosted by the development of refrigerated shipping in the 1880s.

As a loyal colony, and later self-governing dominion, New Zealand was an enthusiastic participant in 20th century conflicts. Small contingents served in South Africa during the Boer War. Over 100,000 New Zealanders served during the First World War, with over 16,000 being killed from a population little more than 1 million.

The Second World War saw over 200,000 New Zealanders serve, and the 11,000 deaths gave a casualty rate higher than any other  Commonwealth country.

Pseudohistory
New Zealand has a few pseudo-historical theories around Māori and pre-Māori settlement. Nineteenth century European theories about origins speculated on Indian or 'Aryan' origins for Māori. There was also emphasis on the theory that Māori settlers displaced earlier inhabitants: such a theory provided some kind of intellectual justification for later European colonisation. As better information emerged in the later twentieth century about origins, more far-fetched theories have also emerged, including such fantasies as Egyptian or 'Celtic' settlement.

Politics
For many years New Zealand had an extremely progressive governmental structure, resulting in it being regarded as a social laboratory. New Zealand has no single constitution, but a variety of documents that include a Bill of Rights (1990) and the 1840 (the founding document signed by the British and native Māori  tribes), meaning that elected politicians who are (vaguely) accountable to the people decide on the laws.

New Zealand has a parliamentary system of governance with Mixed Member Proportional (MMP) voting taking place every three years. Voters have two votes, the first to determine the proportion of seats ultimately allocated to each party, the second vote determines which candidates win the geographical electorate seats auctioned off under  First-Past-the-Post. Seats are potentially added by some mysterious sinister furniture-manufacturer to ensure approximate proportionality based on the party votes. There are two largish parties, center-left and center-right. Smaller parties that break the 5% threshold of votes get a share of the seats in parliament (5% will get you around six of the ~120 seats in parliament) and potential influence over decision-making. Additionally, small parties may enter parliament by winning an electorate seat, which removes the requirement of hurdling the 5% barrier to gain further seats. The New Zealand Parliament abolished its own upper house, the appointed "Legislative Council", in 1950.

The following smaller parties have seats in parliament as of 2020:


 * Green Party, actually a red-green party. To the left of Labour, hence can only support Labour governments.
 * ACT, economically right wing and socially liberal (classical liberal). To the right of National economically, hence can only support National governments.

New Zealand has a number of lobby groups, but fewer than some countries. The chose its name for the nice 3-letter alliteration, but its focus on ever harsher criminal punishments overwhelms anything actually sensible, such as preventing crimes in the first place. Family First New Zealand is a conservative Christian group with a smorgasbord of social conservative views.

New Zealand holds the world record for keeping its Head of State at a safe distance. The Sovereign in right of New Zealand lives in semi-permanent exile on the other side of the globe in a small island called Britain (off the coast of Brittany).

In 2013, New Zealand became the fifteenth country in the world to legalise same-sex marriage.

In the 2020 election, New Zealand held two referendums. The failed by a narrow margin, with 48% for and 51% against. The under strict conditions passed by a wide margin, with 65% for and 34% against.

Religion
New Zealand's national religion is rugby union, and the national team, the All Blacks, used to have a curious ability to win every game in the four years in between world cups and then choke at the main event. The curse of the All Blacks was lifted in 2011 when they won the world cup in their own country, and then became the first nation to defend the title and the first to win it 3 times in the UK in 2015 further confirming their superiority over all other nations.

Other than that, New Zealand has a religious divide similar to Germany, for example, where the country has people who adhere to different denominations of Christianity; mostly Protestantism, the biggest of the wide range of denominations being Anglican and Presbyterian owing to being a British colony; or Catholicism, in those of Irish descent. There is also the pre-colonial Maori religion derived from other Polynesian beliefs, and syncretic forms of Protestant Christian and Maori religious beliefs, as well as Judaism, Islam, Bahá'í faith, Hinduism and Buddhism. There is a substantial, growing portion of the population in the country that no longer identifies with a particular faith. As of the 2018 Census, people indicating no religious belief has overtaken Christianity. In 2001, over 53,000 intelligent people identified as Jedi.

New Zealand is home to Brian Tamaki, a televangelist who founded Destiny Church, arguably New Zealand's first megachurch in the tradition of the United States model. In 2012 Tamaki announced plans to build his own community complete with schools, businesses and a university causing many to consider Destiny Church a cult.

Graham Capill, founder of the Christian Heritage political party, served time in prison for the rape of a twelve-year-old girl, demonstrating that extreme religious hypocrisy and pedophilia are not unique to the Vatican.

Indigenous affairs
The gap in life expectancy between Māori and non Māori is now 5-6 years. Secondary school retention rates went from 4 per cent in 1985 to 25 per cent in 1995, but the disparity gap in retention rates for Māori and non-Māori has widened. Their unemployment rate is three times higher than the non-Māori. In the late 1980s the Labour Government introduced a policy of devolving power to the Iwi (Tribes) through the Department of Justice, a new Ministry of Māori Affairs and other agencies sensitive to taha Māori (the Māori way of doing things). The Māori retain only 1.5m ha of freehold land, 5.6 per cent of New Zealand's total and approximately a third of the New Zealand fishing quota. On 1 October 1996 the Whakatohea people and the Crown signed a Deed of Settlement which included an apology from the government for misdeeds in 1865 when British colonisers confiscated 71 000 ha (708 sq kms) in the eastern Bay of Plenty. The Deed allows for the payment of redress to the value of NZ$40m.

Seditious liberal activities
New Zealand also takes part in many seditious liberal activities such as the Kyoto Protocol, the UN, and peacekeeping efforts, and did not participate in the totally awesome bad-ass Iraq War. Additionally, although firearms are still legal with a license, New Zealand has strict gun control (by the standards of the United States, though far more lax than Australia or the UK) and almost non-existent gun crime (0.20 gun crime-related deaths per 100,000 people in 2015). Go figure, eh? Such rampant seditious activities would be expected to result in many citizens being jailed, and this would be a problem for New Zealand, which has the eighth highest incarceration rate in the OECD. New Zealanders showed their practical bent by abolishing the crime of sedition in 2007 which had the unfortunate side effect of returning many liberals to the community.

Anti-nuclear stance
During the 1960s New Zealand saw a series of protests on the issue of nuclear weapons. During the late 1970s there was great opposition to visiting United States nuclear warships and French nuclear tests in the Pacific. In 1984, the opposition Labour Party won the election and signed nuclear-free legislation into law, which included a ban on nuclear weapons and visiting nuclear-powered ships were not allowed into New Zealand waters. The Americans tested New Zealand's resolve on this issue by requesting a visit by the USS Buchanan to which the New Zealand government refused. The States then broke off all visible military and intelligence ties with NZ. Needless to say, New Zealand's position with regards to nuclear energy borders on the extreme.

Sacre bleu!
New Zealand's Rainbow Warrior Greenpeace ship had been active in protesting French nuclear tests in the Pacific, much to the consternation of the Great Nuclear Power. In 1987 two French secret service agents bombed and sunk the ship while it was moored in Auckland harbour, killing one man. The French agents were caught and sentenced to 10 years each. France then used its European influence to threaten New Zealand's trade in the area, and France boycotted New Zealand products. Not to be outdone, New Zealand boycotted French products, however both countries looked to mediation by the United Nations. The United Nations gave France a $13 million fine.

Current status
New Zealand's anti-nuke legislation still stands and has never been challenged by any successive governments since. Only recently, in the last 15 years, has the United States slowly been coercing rebuilding shared intelligence with New Zealand. The two countries, alongside Canada, the United Kingdom, and Australia, form an exclusive Whites-only Anglosphere club intelligence network known as Five Guys.

The lost continent!
New Zealand is a volcanic creation in just the right place on the Pacific Ring of Fire to well up from a failed rift. Like Iceland but older. However, there is an entire submerged continental shelf it's on called Zealandia. No foolin.' Check New Zealand and New Caledonia are the bits that are visible above water, but it's a (sub)continent all right.

New Zealand cranks

 * New Zealand is the new fashionable place for survivalist bunkers for the 1%ers.  Peter Thiel and  and others plan to avoid nuclear war, global pandemic, etc. in the land of the long white cloud.


 * Banana Man, aka Ray Comfort, a creationist born in New Zealand.
 * , a crank forecaster for weather and earthquakes by using lunar cycles.
 * , crank right-wing blogger.
 * , Green Party ex-MP, who thinks homeopathy might be effective against Ebola.
 * , former leader of the NZ Conservative Party. A strange Christian guy who sexually harrassed his press sec, can't walk like a human and is waaaay more comfortable with his body than anyone else is
 * Brenton Harrison Tarrant, a far-right Australian who carried out the Christchurch terrorist attacks at Al Noor Mosque and Linwood Islamic Centre on 15 March 2019 in Christchurch (the second-largest city in the country) killing 51 and injuring 50 more.
 * , leader of the Advance NZ Party, essentially a conspiracy theory party hiding behind a guise of centrism and anti-corruption. Ross has been accused of sexual harassment. In March 2021, Advance NZ funded and promoted "The Real News", a conspiratorial Covid-19 magazine, including "Bill Gates Bad" and anti-vax sentiments, complete with all sorts of demonstrably false information.
 * , leader of the NZ Public Party, another conspiracy-driven party, which joined forces with the Advance NZ Party for the 2020 election. TK's party has been a major proponent in spreading Covid-related misinformation in NZ. TK has garnered a small cult-like following.
 * Jonathan Sarfati, a creationist and chess FM born in New Zealand.

Notable New Zealanders

 * The people, including actor, actor  and director
 * - another film director best known for The Lord of the Rings and 'The Hobbit.
 * - another film director notable for directing the New Zealand-set The Piano.
 * - yet another film director best known for the James Bond film Casino Royale.
 * - Irish Catholic film actress who is best known for starring in Xena: Warrior Princess as the titular character.
 * - film actor who was Judge Dredd in Dredd
 * - first man to conquer Everest
 * - former number three at the UN and former Prime Minister of New Zealand
 * - former head of the WTO
 * - discoverer of the atomic nucleus
 * - the first global superstar of Rugby Union.
 * Lots of other Rugby Union players.
 * - A really fast horse
 * has some connection with the place.
 * - singer-songwriter
 * - Man Booker Prize winner and notable critic of neo-liberal economics
 * - actress who was born in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada (another British colony) and raised in New Zealand.
 * - accomplished engineer and founder of RocketLab, smallsat launch provider and the first private company in the Southern Hemisphere to reach space.
 * - accomplished engineer and founder of RocketLab, smallsat launch provider and the first private company in the Southern Hemisphere to reach space.

Entertainment


Auckland (largest city), Wellington (national capital) and Christchurch (the second-largest city) are world-class cities, not bad for a tiny isolated place whose only nearby neighbor is Australia.

New Zealand is also home to a fairly prominent film and TV industry that has produced a number of well known directors, actors and actresses as well as some notable films and TV shows shot there.

A national pastime in New Zealand is worrying about how at any moment, a huge disaster might happen. This is one of the few cases where such fears are well founded. New Zealand lies on the boundary of two highly active tectonic plates in the Pacific Ring of Fire and earthquakes are common. Wellington has been preparing for the much anticipated "big one" which consequently hit the completely unprepared Christchurch with many aftershocks from 2010 to 2011, causing the deaths of 182 people. Their fears have been further strengthened by another big, albeit less destructive, earthquake in late 2016 with no reported casualties. Meanwhile, Auckland made the deadly mistake of being situated on top of about 5 or 6 56 volcanoes. Got to say, they're asking for trouble.