User:Asela/dumb essay draft

Okay so I’m trying to write some kind of essay about uhhhh my life and the world and shit. It’s in the draft stage rn obviously. When I say “you” in the draft, I’m talking to myself not the reader — just reminding myself to do things. Feedback is very much welcome, as is pretty much any help really. I would just like to request that nobody else touch this particular draft page — talk pages and such are fine. Thank you very much! And sorry for the odd read

CW: mental illness, suicide, drug use, relationship problems

Topic — probability, randomness, love and soulmates.

Arguments —
 * The complete improbability of meeting my partner when and how I did
 * How this intensified feelings — sense of quasi-mystical “fate” or some benevolent force in the universe
 * How this obfuscated signs of trouble early on — “oh don’t think about it, it’ll go away, we are MEANT to be together”
 * Minor changes and issues cause the thing to fall down (it’d probably be cool to mention that chaos theory butterfly somehow — definitely try to figure out what it actually means so you don’t sound like a dumbass)
 * Acid trip — “seeing” evolution as a process of chance, randomness. Recognising that the universe simply behaves in a way where things happen if they’re given the chance and based on completely impersonal/almost random conditions. Improbable things happen. That kinda stuff
 * Relationship ends — simply a series of occurrences that occurred because they could
 * People are just people, the universe is just the universe, relationships are just relationships. It’s all some massive, intricate, fascinating, impersonal, and truly astonishing system that functions for reasons that never seem clear.
 * The human tendency to assign meaning/purpose - way of explaining events that’s more intuitive and comforting
 * At the end of the day, meaning and purpose only exists when you assign it to something. There’s no objective or mystical reason that my partner and I shared a connection; but the fact that it was basically completely probabilistic is honestly more amazing to me now.
 * I have not decided on what the relationship, my life, or this essay even “means” — but even though any meaning to those things is inherently subjective and unique to me, doesn’t make them fake


 * Discussion of why I’m alive — surviving depression/mental illness/basically hell. Realising that I don’t some grand purpose to justify staying alive; staying alive simply to see what happens, for the inherent act in and of itself, without needing a fragile set of beliefs to keep me going. The freedom of realising that I do have some power over my life, and I do have some power over my reactions to things. The choice isn’t between The Self-Sacrificng Martyrdom of Staying Alive and the Sweet Release of Death; the choice is, “do I want to stay alive, and if so, how?” Idk how to to connect this to anything else. Honestly you’re probably just gonna weird ppl out. Eh. Maybe something good will come of it


 * READ ABOUT EXISTENTIALISM AND SHIT — sounds vaguely similar to what ur describing, maybe check in more detail. Evaluate and source their ideas, don’t accidentally plagiarise.