User:Twoandtwoalwaysmakesafive

Ah, the generic new-user user page, brimming with overexaggerated and somewhat grandiloquent prose! One would be dismayed by the inherent lack of insightful content pertaining to the new user, but alas, the user simply hasn't the time to provide significant and very crucial details about himself to satiate the viewer's curiosity! What must one do to convince this new user that he must disclose obscure and slightly embellished details of himself on the internet?

Pompous lunacy aside...
Hello. I come from California. I am a pathetic simpleton with no regard for improving and expanding my intellectual capacity, primarily due to the fact that I am not one to be categorized as "[insert adjective] intelligent;" rather, it would be far more accurate and fitting to be categorized as "increasingly indolent." Regardless of whether or not the labels that have been imposed on me are a direct result of my inherently idiosyncratic mannerisms and how I may appear to be a walking display of discombobulating contradictions that have been compacted into a single body with the sole intent of aggravating and confounding anybody that has the curiosity-driven audacity to become acquainted with me, I will be continually cognizant of how they are definitive aspects of my sordid identity no matter how detrimental to my self-image they may seem at times. I may sometimes be reminded of how I could have been an admirable prodigy or an aspiring young intellectual when I reminisce on my past experiences, or when I encounter someone/something that spontaneously brings about the memories of when I was performing incompetently as a student attending prestigious schools (to this day, I still regard myself as being incapable of doing anything pertaining to academics), and in all honesty, it hurts me to my inner being. Oftentimes it becomes so severe that I find myself adding another label to my identity: "useless idiot."