Conservapedia:Best of Conservapedia/0805

May 2008

 * Facts = Liberal bias. Andy removes liberal bias from the "Opposition to classroom prayer" article.
 * It's not every day we say this, but well done Karajou for being a man and admitting mistakes
 * First rule of CP: You can't win. Case in point: Tom Moore has to endure bullying by Karajou, Ed Poor, a potentially fake RobS and now Learn Together before LT finally blocks him because Tom dared to imply that Kara may have learned a lesson.
 * Statistics, Conservapedia-style: 1600 voters on the IMDB website gave Expelled an 8.5 out of 10 rating (once you remove the 2261 votes that ranked it a "1")
 * Need to cite a fact? Make up your own reference.
 * The only reason to do this is ideology.
 * PJR smacks down Karajou. UPDATE: (In response to this) Karajou sees evidence and demands more before he'll believe it (complete with deadline, moved goalposts and block threat - that's what you get for trying to help!) Update: Tom commits suicide-by-sysop. Update: In the meantime, Ed silently changes the headline to make it look as if the entire "Kool-Aid/Flavor-Aid" discussion was off-topic and then condemns historical revisionism in an apparent attempt to win today's Irony Award.
 * Liking Canada is a blockable offense. Apparently it's a good way to please the boss too.
 * Really, Fernoklump, is it too much to ask for you to just buckle down and grovel at the feet of the Almighty? Err.. yes! Update: Never mind, apparently it's not too much to ask when someone threatens you like a dockside bully.
 * Conservative makes up a new kind of news, and even Deborah objects. Bonus points for Deborah's Freudian slip. Update: The rebellion is stopped swiftly - you are not allowed to point out that Conservative makes the CP "community" look like idiots. Also, it took Kendoll his usual six edits to add the paragraph "challenging" poor pwned PZ Myers.
 * Conservative is not a coward. In fact, he's so much of a non-coward that he can just block anyone who suggests otherwise.More: that's Fighting Talk where I come from. Still Moer but on Conservapedia it's blocking talk! And Then Some Not wanting to get left out, the Koward lives up to his name in a fit of irony.  You can smell the urine running down his pantsleg from here!
 * Orders are orders and must be obeyed without question. Jahwohl mein Führer! [[Image:Dictator.gif]](clicks heels & salutes)
 * Psst...it's a code word for racism. Extra translation credit It means Andy's threatening you.  That means you're right. UPDATE: racism removed
 * Someone dies a senseless death. Schlafly makes political capital. Because dying while protecting your kid brother from armed assailants is a Hollywood value. UPDATE: While Andy basically blames the victim, Dan blames the actor's brother and TerryH blames... multiculturalism? Update: Dan stops channeling Andy and takes back his words.
 * The apocalypse is upon us!!
 * Domestic violence is now an industry.
 * Liberal Venom..... Really Andy? Have you ever looked at some of the Conservative comments on YouTube?|
 * Andy creates his own reality, and then censors that too.
 * Q: How do you tell if someone from Tennessee is dumb? A: They went to school!
 * Conservapedia: We care about your foreskin. Not to mention the legions[sic] in your genital region. UPDATE DanH clues in, 24 hours later.Way to go, Dan...
 * Austin Cline when he is presented with material from the Conservapedia atheism article. Ken's gone off his meds again. And his quest for indiscriminate attention from more popular sites continues.
 * Doing this can lead to this if you don't do this.
 * Apparently, all CP sysops hold degrees in encyclopedia sciences. If such a thing exists. (Even Karajou admits it doesn't. And now the major question: Do you believe PJR, who claims that every editor may decide what is encyclopedic, or Karajou, who has a banhammer and views contrary to PJR's?) UPDATE No one decides what is encyclopedic.  UPDATE 2 - an example of an Encyclopedia Scientist at work.
 * According to Andy, Conservatives don't rely on polling data. Nope, not even a little.
 * What do you do when you get owned so hard that your ears ring? Delete the evidence.
 * Oh noes! Facts! A new user proposes some imperfect but specific examples to explore Andy's Hollywood breast cancer mystery, which are, if nothing else, better than figures pulled out of his ass. It's early to say, but it looks like it might not help his case. Only one thing to do: Bring in The Cleaner, revert and banninate! Anything to save Andy from having to defend his retarded notions.  UPDATE- the bait is thrown out again, and for some inexplicable reason this time, the fish find it tasty.
 * Breaking: Aziraphale throws down! How much will Andy dismiss?  All of it, like usual? (Image backup, just in case) Update: If Andy's reply doesn't creep you out, nothing will.
 * Parable: a short story illustrating a lesson. Conservative Parable: any random-ass story Andy decides to tell (lesson unnecessary as long as the story casts conservatives as victims optional).
 * Mr Schlafly continues rewriting the past. Note: if you find yourself taking this spin seriously you should consider reading up on the events at Wikipedia. Of course, rigorously referenced fact can never compare to Andy's natural clairvoyance.
 * Hypocrisy overload. Andy has discovered a new cardinal sin at CP: refusing to admit you're wrong (even if you're only asking a simple question). Andy, who has never admitted he was wrong about anything, takes this very seriously. Update: PWNED! Looks like Andy might have to eat one helping of his words or another. Update2: Why eat words when you can just move the goalpost instead.
 * You know, Byron, Andy said that no one associated with CP may be nominated for an initial award. Idiot. Update: However, asking whether the mother of the site founder who links to CP from her organization's page is in any way associated with CP makes you a conspiracy theorist!
 * Blinded by bias: A user called "Jesus4eva" inserts this gem into the Dawkins article... and the initial reaction of a sysop is simply " "
 * Lezzbeyens - dose fat ladymen sittin' in dere Lazy Boys eatin' Twinkies should be playin' hopscotch wit de kidz! (snigger snigger mine is biggern yors).  Ken's schoolboy imaginings of the world around him become ever more childish and bizarre (see Conservative's response to Beautyistruth).


 * Remember the #1 way Conservapedia differs from Wikipedia: at WP you lose the rights to your submissions, but not at CP! What's this? Someone wants to remove his work from CP? Work he still allegedly holds the copyright of?  No dice! It belongs to CP now. UPDATE Looks like  it wasn't even his material to begin with and is likely from well known and respected scholars, just to see how CP would react to it. Surprise Surprise:Pay no attention to that  rant behind the curtain.
 * More patented Schlafly circular reasoning: Evolution is bunk because randomness cannot create beauty.Examples in nature do not count because they cannot be random. Why not? Because, duh,  randomness cannot create beauty.
 * Intellectual honesty, CP style: "We will stick to the claims we like, even when the same source published an updated statement that goes against our claim."
 * But, doesn't that make Jesus guilty of "last wordism"? Update: No, it doesn't - it makes God guilty of it. (Although you could argue that's the same - Trinity and all...)
 * Lezzbeyens - dose fat ladymen sittin' in dere Lazy Boys eatin' Twinkies should be playin' hopscotch wit de kidz! (snigger snigger mine is biggern yors).  Ken's schoolboy imaginings of the world around him become ever more childish and bizarre.
 * Ah, Andy never disappoints. It seems "clear [ing out liberal fluff]" now involves removing the plaintiffs and reasons for the decision in a legal case, and replacing them with easily-debunked lies.  How did Andy pass the bar again, and did it involve kneepads? Bonus Snark It's the mark of a good manager to ride roughshod over contributions agreed by your own editors and sysops.  Well done! Update: Jimmy is not amused...  Update: "legal reasoning is not as important as the outcome" - wait, what?  How did this guy even get into law school, let alone pass the bar? MORE MORE MORE: Even when he's been beaten senseless on every point, the Assfly has many tricks. Ah, an old favorite: accuse an editor of ignorance and repeat the same shit over and over again
 * Some fine, fine parody work by a Donald Bell. Again proving it's not what's said, it's who says it. This could almost have come straight from the Assfly, in which case the imminent reversion would be a bannable offense.
 * Because DeanS/Crocoite is wearing his IronyproofTM jacket today. (And again.)
 * Andy sez...Playing sports will turn you into a real man, even if you're a woman. Also, is "talk pollution".
 * Ooooh, another mystery! Now that we've solved the mystery of the Hollywood breast cancer epidemic, it's time to solve the mystery of the missing phonics lessons. The best part? Most illiterate people vote Democrat. UPDATE Yet another mystery - why are there so many butch female tennis players but no femme male football players? Stay tuned for yet another episode of Conservapedia Mystery Theatre!
 * You have free will to reject logic
 * Looks like Andy's getting a start on rewriting the Bible in his image, starting with Conservative Parables. Extra points for the hilarious reference.  UPDATE A user points out the moral of the parable.
 * Once again the irony meter is off the board. Liberal Style #35 is invoked by Andy while calling out a user for doing the same thing. UPDATE RossC gets blocked for pointing the irony out to Andy. More Update: DeanS sweeps the irony under the rug but Rellik brings it back LESSON: Don't touch my shit! LESSON 2: Don't care about others, or else Bitch!
 * Red Alert for Conservapedia! Some guy makes good points and threatens to prove Andy wrong! Quick, initiate the Emergency Intimidation Block before it's too late! Add the following to the Schlafly dictonary: "lack of substance in edits" = "oh, shit, you're right."  UPDATE:  A second Emergency Intimidation Block; same reason given: "lack of substance in edits"; same actual reason: "oh, shit, you're right."
 * A mystery! This is a task for qualified doctors Conservapedia!
 * Her name is Jessica. She'd kick your pussy moonie ass, Ed, and - sitting next to me as she is - she has a message especially for you: Go fuck yourself. Hankie optional.
 * It's promising to be a lulzy day - Ed is rambling at full strength: Women in the military Update: Ed is being ripped apart about the article. Starting countdown timer until inevitable block... now.