User:Fox/Legal threats

Some amusing exchanges that cause me to chuckle often.

Dreamworks told where to shove it
To Whom It May Concern: This letter is being written to you on behalf of our client, DreamWorks SKG (hereinafter "DreamWorks"). DreamWorks is the exclusive owner of all copyright, trademark and other intellectual property rights in and to the "Shrek 2" motion picture. No one is authorized to copy, reproduce, distribute, or otherwise use the "Shrek 2" motion picture without the express written permission of DreamWorks. [...] As you may be aware, Internet Service Providers can be held liable if they do not respond to claims of infringement pursuant to the requirements of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA). In accordance with the DMCA, we request your assistance in the removal of infringements of the "Shrek 2" motion picture from this web site and any other sites for which you act as an Internet Service Provider. We further declare under penalty of perjury that we are authorized to act on behalf of DreamWorks and that the information in this letter is accurate. Please contact me immediately to discuss this matter further.

Reply: 'As you may or may not be aware, Sweden is not a state in the United States of America. Sweden is a country in northern Europe. Unless you figured it out by now, US law does not apply here. For your information, no Swedish law is being violated. Please be assured that any further contact with us, regardless of medium, will result in'
 * 1) a suit being filed for harassment
 * 2) a formal complaint lodged with the bar of your legal counsel, for sending frivolous legal threats.

It is the opinion of us and our lawyers that you are fucking morons, and that you should please go sodomize yourself with retractable batons.

Go fuck yourself.

''Polite as usual,' anakata

EA
Re: Electronic Arts Trademark and Copyright Infringement Notice Dear Mr. Neij: It has been brought to the attention of Electronic Arts Inc. ("EA") that the website http://www.piratebay.org with the IP addresses of 217.75.120.115, 217.75.120.116, 217.75.120.118 is conducting unauthorized activities with respect to EA's copyrighted software, The Sims 2. The aforementioned website is offering and distributing bittorrent seeds for an unauthorized downloadable version of this EA game.

'Hello and thank you for contacting us. We have shut down the website in question.' 'Oh wait, just kidding. We haven't, since the site in question is fully legal. Unlike certain other countries, such as the one you're in, we have sane copyright laws here. But we also have polar bears roaming the streets and attacking people :-(.'

This unauthorized activity with respect to the distribution of EA's software products constitutes infringement of EA's intellectual property rights. EA enforces its intellectual property rights very aggressively by using every legal option available.

Please don't sue us right now, our lawyer is passed out in an alley from too much moonshine, so please atleast wait until he's found and doesn't have a huge hangover...

As you are listed as the registrant for this website, EA demands that you immediately and permanently disable access to the aforementioned bittorrent seeds for The Sims 2 and any in the future.

'You're free to demand anything you want. So are we. We demand that you cease and desist sending letters like this, since they're frivolous and meaningless. Where should I send the bill for the consumed diskspace and bandwidth?'

Thank you for your cooperation. If you have any questions concerning this matter, please contact us via e-mail at: piracy-online@ea.com. Regards, EA Law

'Thank you for your entertainment. As with all other threats, we will publish this one on our site'