Ron Johnson



I get it, God created our immune system — but He also created Ron Johnson, so He has been known to shank it.

Ron Johnson is a Tea Party affiliated United States Senator, representing the state of Wisconsin. He was the CEO of a plastic manufacturer prior to his election.

Election
Johnson's predecessor was Russ Feingold, a progressive Democrat. Feingold had an issue though, in between voting against both the Patriot Act (Feingold was the only Senator to vote against it, in fact) and the Iraq War, his support for a single-payer healthcare system, and being quite liberal in general, he was deemed too "left-wing" for Wisconsin. This wasn't the case in 1992, 1998, and 2004. Then again, those years didn't have a red wave.

Johnson was able to throw millions behind his own campaign (the $8.2 million he used on his own campaign made up roughly 64% of campaign contributions) and was riding on the Tea Party's growing popularity, both of which basically guaranteed his election. However, it surprised many that Johnson beat other Republicans for the nomination despite having been initially seen as more incompetent and less organized than some of his opponents. Since he's been elected senator he's been known for being fractally wrong on nearly everything he bothers to talk about.

In 2016, Johnson was challenged by Feingold for the seat in a rematch of the 2010 election, but despite lagging behind in almost every poll prior to the election, Johnson pulled off a major upset and once again defeated Feingold, this time by a margin of about 100,000 voters. Not coincidentally, studies have shown that Wisconsin's Voter-ID laws turned away approximately 200,000 voters. Democracy at work, folks!

Johnson had considered retiring in 2022, but decided to run again anyway. His opponent was Mandela Barnes, the progressive Lieutenant Governor, in a campaign where Johnson used every dog whistle in the book. However, he was still able to win reelection, albeit very narrowly (a margin of about 26,000 votes).

Inspiring positions
Being the ingenious patriot he is, Johnson has done the following since he won his bid for senator:


 * Called global warming "lunacy", claiming that scientists who believe it's man-made are "crazy", and saying it's caused by "sunspot activity or just something in the geologic eons of time." Also, excess carbon dioxide gets "sucked down by trees and helps the trees grow".
 * Claimed to be "disappointed that the Obama administration is launching an assault on BP" after the BP oil spill.
 * Opposed the repeal of DADT.
 * Opposed funding for stem cell research.
 * Opposed ObamaCare and pushed the myth that it will increase the national debt and lead to "rationed care".
 * Voted against universal background checks for gun ownership.
 * Helped get Charles Murray (the man who co-wrote The Bell Curve) invited as a keynote speaker for an education event, which resulted in controversy. This one happened shortly before he was elected senator however.
 * Besides voting against impeaching Donald Trump for inciting a riot in the Capitol in 2021, Johnson has spent his post-2021 insurrection at the United States Capitol time claiming that the insurrection was not an armed insurrection. This was despite the fact that on the day of the insurrection, "Guns, bombs and stun guns were seized from members of the mob, while other rioters used wrenches, clubs and flagpoles as weapons. An officer has said that police 'had been seizing guns all day.'"
 * Repeatedly spread anti-vaccine misinformation and downplayed the urgency of COVID-19 vaccination, and got his YouTube account suspended for posting dubious information to YouTube.

Racism
In his 2022 Senate reelection campaign against Lieutenant Governor Democrat Mandela Barnes, Johnson's campaign advertisements have use racially-coded symbols against Barnes: writing Barnes name in graffiti, calling Barnes "different", and making Barnes' skin color darker than it actually is.