User:Javascap/Why I am voting Republican

I hope by now, you have gathered that I am dripping sarcasm out of my computer. Feel free to contribute with reasons to vote Republican.
 * Because I like stabbing my eyes out with a pin
 * Because chunks of corn in my crap tastes awesome
 * Because pigs CAN fly, and Hell readily freezes over
 * Because I love having our constitution shredded into pieces and burned away
 * Because I love going out on pointless, abyssal crusades while our REAL enemy runs free and unchecked
 * Because I love having all our jobs outsourced
 * Because I love running a record deficit in our time of greatest need
 * Because I love watching schools suffer funding cuts while we pour millions into space exploration
 * Because Bush was handpicked by GOD (*vomits*)
 * Because paying $32,000 a year to go to college and live off food stamps is my idea of fun
 * Because having my front door kicked down by police for writing this is perfectly fine with me.
 * Because my non-existant girlfriend needs to be told what she can and can't do with her body.
 * Because I am perfectly fine with secret prisons holding prisoners indefinetly.
 * Because billionaires have feelings too, you know.
 * Because if God had wanted us to vote Democratic He would not have created Diebold voting machines!

Serious reasons I am voting Republican
chirp chirp chirp chirp