Conservapedia:Best of Conservapedia/0803

March 2008

 * Geo silently deleted TK's parole, and it had been implicitly accepted (though never said) that the parole was gone. PJR offers a more literal interpretation and predictably enough clashes with TK again. Update: Really PJR? Just the first sentence?
 * Perhaps we should, Andy. Perhaps we should.... Update: Great idea, Andy!
 * Ken calls out Fidel Castro on the Main Page: Look down upon the Google ranking of my Atheism article and despair, you godless commie scum!  Update: Conservapedia is like a lion, killing the cub of atheism?  Metaphors gone wild.  And a side note, we still have the "gentleman" typo.  WHAT YOU SAY!
 * Liberal ≠ "justifiable, reasonable beliefs."
 * Christianity [is the only correct religion. Now if you don't agree, prove me wrong; don't just presume that I can't be correct or that all religions are equal.] - PJR
 * Andy likes his rant against professors so much, he has decided by himself that its a popular article. After all, there are only about a shitload amount of articles more popular than it.
 * BREAKING: TK unblocked by Geo.pld. Why?  Hmph. Minor update: TK's first edit after two months of being blocked? "Dan, you're off my list of cool people!" Gotta love a man with priorities! XD  Update: Joaquin hasn't been paying attention.  And good luck, Gp.  Best update evar: look, it's Easter, and Conservapedia's about to crucify a Jew for telling the truth!  How... proper?  Update #3.14: It's clear he's been thinking this story over for a while.  Trent, you're going to have to show us how you did that.  Update #4: wiped & protected.  Why do people still jump to his bidding!?  Final update: burned the evidence.  Yep, TK's back.
 * BREAKING: Everything aside from the first two sentences of CP's current Featured Article was COPY-PASTED from the sources listed! Oh, and the second sentence is such a fragment because it was partly copied from WP's Bodymind entry.
 * Dammit, Crocoite, you broke my irony meter! Update: This turned into something of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 * An abortion costs half a million because of opportunity costs (=the child you aborted would have made about that much on average if it hadn't been aborted). I guess the same applies to condoms and abstinence then? Oh, and tell me again why promiscuity is bad? WE'RE SAVING MILLIONS BY HAVING SEX, SIR! No you don't, fuck you.
 * My God, the Ides of March has finally come! A frankly crappy site (festooned with pictures of aliens for some reason) has linked to Conservapedia's "article" on Atheism!  How... mediocre? Update It's a ratings coup!  Update update! "HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMAN."  "WHAT YOU SAY!"  It turns out that wasn't the real Ides of March, which is actually coming in late March.
 * Here is another of Ed's deep insights.
 * According to Andy, "nearly every great mathematician" was homeschooled. The other great mathematicians achieved greatness despite not being homeschooled. And PJR points out how flawed Andy's argument is. UPDATE: It's correct becuase I say it is DAMN IT. UPDATE: If you thought Andy couldn't dig himself into an even deeper hole, think again. UPDATE: After being absolutely pulverised on the talk page, Andy finally gives in and allows the correction suggested by PeterS in the first place.
 * Andy shows how much he values one of his most hard-working contributors: HelpJazz's discussion is turned into an example of "deliberate ignorance". Needless to say that Jazz is not amused. Really not amused. Update: Andy is pushing it. More update: Jazz understands that his comment will forever be used as an example of deliberate ignorance and tries to make the insult more accurate at least, and Andy counterattacks. Update: Andy knows more about your own political views than you - and Jazz finally draws the line. Ah, no, he doesn't. Update: Ed Poor to the rescue... this isn't going to turn out well.
 * Has Ed Poor finally infected Fox? So far, we've learned that liberals are competitive and angry.  Liberals sound an awful lot like Karajou... Update: Yep, taking the piss. Update: And another. Update: A lot more, see for yourself. Final Update: Fox is sysop no longer.  The final plunge into idiocy and paranoia for Conservapedia begins... now!
 * Ed Poor doesn't understand gravity, and neither does anyone else, and thinking otherwise is a "liberal farce".
 * Good thing he wrote his parting notes in advance: DHayes says good-bye to PJR, gives Learn Together a pat on the back and says that he'll be back once some CP sysops stop being total dicks. Crocoite's swift reply: "We will never stop being dicks, so go away and don't come back."
 * Ah, a fine example of debate on Conservapedia: I think this may be inappropriate, here are my reasons ANSWER: NO.... I SAY IT'S FINE!!! TAKE THAT Update Bethany gets Pwned. Sharon deletes the image immediately and replaces with Vermeer. Bethany not defeated, highlights the "gross" grammatical errors in the comments. And another change to Cezanne makes 3 masterpieces of the week in one day! Hurray! Who thinks we can get four?
 * Why is Lyin' Ed so reluctant to answer a simple question? Does he perhaps realize he's been caught out? Update 1: Wow, dishonesty is as natural for breathing to Ed, who after implicitly accusing an editor of being dishonest then proceeds to blocks the user for "personal remarks" for this edit that didn't actually contain any. ...so you either made stuff up... = accusation of lying in the conservaverse. Will Conservative logic lead to ... you claimed I Am lying ... prove I am! Update   2: Oh, the deceit! "Honest" Ed blocks the user at 9:38, but only two minutes later posts that he is too soft-hearted to issue a block himself and will let someone else do his dirty work.  Update 3: Even PJR doesn't understand the block.
 * Crocoite makes it very clear: "You see a sysop abusing his power? LOOK AWAY. Also, don't complain about the Liberal [noun] articles. CP is a conservative site, and that means that we're bashing liberals and proud of it. Conservative bias is GOOD."
 * Andrew Schlafly, not at all jealous of Barack Obama.   Not even a little bit.  JEALOUS indeed, yup, of his "peer", once upon a time, at the Harvard Law Review.
 * MetcalfeM told it like it is. UPDATE: No, he didn't.UPDATE: YES. HE. DID!!! and no one is really surprised by this UPDATE some more: Looks like some other folks are joining him in pointing out the Emperor's Wardrobe is a bit lacking.
 * They're not even trying to hide their ideology-pushing anymore: DanH asks why anybody should give a non-ideological reason for censoring the fact that Himmler, Marx and Oscar Wilde were homeschooled. UPDATE The deletions are reverted as they contradict Difference 9: "Wikipedia editors who are far more liberal than the American public frequently censor factual information. Conservapedia does not censor any facts that comport with the basic rules." Of course DanH deletes again and keeps shtum on his justification. Shame on you Dan!
 * Andy makes it clear that anything he's never heard of is liberal and deceitful. But wait... PWNED! Turns out many winners are reverends and rabbis (including Billy Graham), and include people such as everyone favorite "liberal" Chuck Colson.
 * I have a new homework assignment for you, kids - it's called "write and think what I tell you to write and think." You may choose your pre-approved, ideologically vetted topic from here before turning to our textbook, my mother's unintelligible screed.
 * Ed reaches into the Hivemind and pulls out another liberal gem! Update: is it just me or is Ed a total douche tonight?
 * It's finally happened. Conservapedia has become the Simpsons' satirical vision of fundamentalists, as Ed Poor objects to Michelangelo's David.
 * It's diffs like this one that really show that Wikipedia's NPOV/BLP policies aren't such a bad idea.
 * pr0n beats out a minister's son any day. Can't argue with Schlafly stats!
 * Dear Fox: Thanks again for your efforts with unbanning some of us. The gesture is much appreciated, but you made an unfortunate mistake in your reasoning. You said: "There was no vandalism, no obscenities, just disagreement. We are - I hope - all adult enough here to accept dissent. My take is that so long as you don't attempt to "corrupt" an article, you are free to edit here." Unfortunately, you forgot about a certain someone who does not tolerate anybody disagreeing with His Andyness. :(
 * Confronted with Enron and Nixon, Andy promptly redefines "deceit": Any "run-of-the-mill political lies or fraud" are not deceit!
 * Read your sources: Andy: "Government finally admits it: vaccines can cause autism." Source: "Significantly, the government's decision says nothing about whether vaccines cause autism."
 * I'll take "Insane and Absurd Claims" for 400, Alex: "Embraced deceit is common among liberals, but non-existent among conservatives." Proof? Why, just look at all the carefully selected examples Andy presents in the Deceit article!
 * PalMD's first steps on CP after being unbanned: Karajou and Andy still don't like an actual doctor speaking about medical issues. Always remember #14 of this list: "We do not drive away experts by pretending that some random anonymous user who just signed up is as knowledgeable and authoritative as a scholar with decades of experience in teaching or research." Right, Andy. Right. Update: Assfly claims to know more about medicine than a doctor because he talks to physicians regularly. Update update: Palmd001, not a doctor.
 * When will America be saved from the dangerous scourge of Professors? And did you know?? Among professors, "there have been a relatively large number of shocking crimes and bizarre conduct"!! [Citation Not Needed]
 * Croc-o-ite, noun (2007) - see, pwned. Update: being pwned on all sides, Crocoite lashes out, blocks one user, gets called out on that, and blocks another. What would Jesus do? Probably kill all witnesses, apparently.  Update #2: Crocoite is a toddler.
 * Andy gets called out for quote mining. Will his head asplode? Update: The replies are in: Crocoite foams at the mouth while Andy simply asserts and re-asserts that he is right.
 * More paraphrasing of PJR: "How could anyone possibly object to people telling Hindus that their beliefs are bullshit? Obviously my irrational superstitions are correct, and it is imperative that everyone understand this." And you wonder why these guys were ever fed to the lions. Update: PJR provides a Reader's Digest version of the above