User:Bootmii/Conservapedia:Delusions

This page is intended to be a hub for all the beliefs the management of Conservapedia seem to hold that are not reality-based.

Scientific

 * Believing in evolution is evil
 * Well, maybe not, but evolution is fake!
 * Okay, maybe it isn't ALL a fake, but only microevolution works!
 * Evolutionary teaching is responsible for racism, Nazism, Communism , teenage pregnancy, the heartbreak of psoriasis, and the fact you can't find a cab when it's raining.
 * So is global warming, because the earth isn't actually getting any warmer.
 * "These liberals would have us believe the titanic is sinking, even though the part of it I'm standing on clearly just rose 200 feet in the air!"
 * And even if it is getting warmer it's not because of human activity.
 * And complex numbers!
 * Nothing Sigmund Freud ever did had any benefit whatsoever
 * Because mental illness is actually caused by Liberalism
 * If science doesn't know something, or once got something wrong, then it can never be trusted again
 * If the Bible doesn't know something, or once got something wrong, it has to be trusted time after time. We simply don't mention the parts that are incorrect.
 * The T-Rex ate 100 pound watermelons!
 * During the 6 days of creation, God placed the Earth inside a black hole to slow down time so the light from distant stars had time to reach us.
 * Nevertheless, black holes are a hoax created by the scientific establishment in order to sell magazines and distract people from reading the Bible
 * Individuals not working in the biological sciences, including physicists, politicians and pundits, are qualified to speak on the validity of evolution, even if they use the word in a different sense
 * Because biological evolution is among the worst college courses.
 * Dinosaurs and humans co-existed.
 * Wait, actually, dinosaurs don't exist!
 * Carbon-14 dating is crazily inaccurate.
 * Carbon-14 dating is used on million-year-old fossils.
 * Richard Dawkins is a villain and not really a professor.
 * Molecular biology has nothing to do with evolution.
 * The theory of relativity is a liberal-Jewish-atheist-communist plot to, to....well, it's no good, dammit!
 * Earth is the center of the universe.
 * The universe is only 6,000 years old.
 * And only has a 6,000 light year radius.
 * Abortion causes breast cancer.
 * Scientists regularly make vast sums of money promoting the theory of evolution through interviews and book deals. That, and simply depositing their grant money into Swiss bank accounts with the help of their university accounting department.
 * Teaching evolution makes people Convinced for Life that they need both kidneys, directly resulting in the deaths of thousands of patients each year who needed transplants but no kidney was available.
 * If a scientific theory does not save lives, it isn't correct.
 * Psychology is a pseudoscience.
 * But we still know that atheism and homosexuality both have negative effects on mental health.

Political
See also Conservapedia:Legal Errors on Conservapedia and Conservapedia:On liberalism.
 * All "liberals" and "leftists" and "socialists" and "communists" believe exactly the same things. The only difference between Obama and Josef Stalin is that Obama hasn't executed millions of people. Yet.
 * Democracy can only exist in a "protestant Christian culture".
 * Even though Athens was a democracy and Rome a republic 500 years prior to the birth of Jesus.
 * Wait. Who says one needs democracy?  Introducing theocracy, conforming the Christian tradition of rule by God!
 * Questioning the President is treason! (Unless the President is a Democrat.  Then, it's obligatory to question the President.)
 * George W. Bush isn't a "real conservative"!
 * Barack Obama is a Muslim and his use of Lincoln's Bible in his inauguration was an overcompensating cover-up. He's also a communist.
 * In fact, he's not even president 'cause he was born in Kenya.
 * Criticising neoCons is a form of antisemitism. "Just remember this, folks.  When liberals say 'NeoCon,' what they are really saying is 'Jew.'"  Rush Limbaugh has said this several times on his radio program since the last days of Bill Clinton's presidency.
 * On 22 January 2010, in the midst of the banking crisis, Limbaugh also said that "some people" use "banker" as a codeword for "Jewish."
 * Tax cuts are always good.
 * Democrats hate America!
 * Liberals are inherently deceitful
 * Only liberals can be deceitful
 * Conservatives only tell the truth
 * The Ten Commandments are the basis of America's government.
 * The US Constitution created a Christian nation.
 * Ann Coulter is a serious political pundit
 * Jonah Goldberg is a serious political pundit
 * Fred Phelps is really a closet liberal
 * Augusto Pinochet is a democratic leader who has been defamed by Wikipedia
 * Andy says: the world is getting more conservative at an ever increasing rate, because the world was so much more liberal in the past.
 * Andy says: "The intelligence of humans is rapidly declining".
 * Compare previous two delusions.
 * We need to spend billions of dollars on the Strategic Defense Initiative to defend ourselves from rogue states!
 * Those with an open mind will agree with everything Andy says.

Terror

 * They only attacked us because terrorists hate our freedom!
 * There is no evidence that the US government is torturing people!
 * Well, that's not really torture. And anyway, torture on evil freedom-hating terrorists is OK!

Historical
the typical wp:Frankfurt School methodology of “immanent critique”10 to argue that the Nazi regime can be convicted most effectively by demonstrating that it violates not only the laws of ‘foreign’ countries, such as those of its victors, but also the very ‘Germanic’ traditions this extreme nationalistic movement always purported to be militantly upholding. Indeed, from the start, the report argues that, unlike other civil liberty provisions, the key articles of the pre-Nazi Weimar constitution11 “were never formally abrogated by the National Socialist regime, … were left untouched and still remain theoretically in force.”12
 * The USA was Founded by Christians, for Christians.
 * The evidence cited for a Viking settlement in Canada and the Asian migration to North America through Alaska are liberal plots by evil archaeologists to deprive Columbus of his glory.
 * All positive achievements in history have come about as a result of Christian inspiration and divine providence.
 * Benjamin Franklin was not a Deist, or changed from Deist to Christian at some point, despite never describing himself as a Christian
 * The Weimar Republic was extended past 1933; quoting a scholarly publication which cites Dr. wp:Franz Leopold Neumann, Chief Researcher for Justice Robert O. Jackson in preparation for the legal basis to prosecute Nazi war criminals at the Nuremberg War Crimes Tribunal,
 * The Nazis were left-wing
 * The Nazis were predominantly run by homosexuals, and supported homosexual goals
 * Compulsory schooling in Germany was introduced by the Nazis, and American homeschooling websites are a better source for information on this topic than German laws are.
 * The holocaust was caused by gun control and involved killing centers.
 * Joseph McCarthy is much maligned (by the liberals), and his theory of "guilty until proven innocent" helped protect the United States in the 1950's.
 * Adolf Hitler's evil actions actions prove that he was an atheist.
 * Adolf Hitler proves that being an atheist makes people evil.

Iraq War
Key Findings
 * Iraq helped plan 9/11!
 * Well, maybe not, but the Iraq Government was in league with Al-Qaeda!
 * Well, maybe they weren't, but Iraq had Weapons of Mass Destruction, meaning Iraq was an Imminent Threat to the USA!
 * Well, maybe they didn't HAVE them, but Iraq wanted Weapons of Mass Destruction!
 * [Saddam Hussein] wanted to end sanctions while preserving the capability to reconstitute his weapons of mass destruction (WMD) when sanctions were lifted.
 * Liberals want the US to Lose in Iraq!
 * The real cause of the war is not about oil prices, and dollar designated bank accounts turning into euro designated bank accounts.

Theological

 * God hates homosexuals.
 * Only those who believe in God-preferably the Christian one-are moral people. Atheists, agnostics, etc., are necessarily immoral.

Sexuality

 * Sex is dirty
 * Goats are unclean
 * The human body is sinful
 * Bisexuality doesn't exist
 * Homosexuality is a mental disorder that may be cured through therapy and prayer.
 * Homosexuals REALLY want to turn god-fearing conservatives gay. Nothing turns a homosexual on more than a balding, 50-something, overweight, wall-eyed conservative.
 * Homosexuals are more disease-ridden than all the pigeons and rats in New York.
 * Despite all appearances to the contrary, the conservatives that most emphatically decry homosexuality ARE NOT GAY themselves.
 * Gender identity disorder is the new diagnosis for homosexuality
 * Homosexuals are desperate for love they didn't receive from parents (how Freudian)
 * Sex should be done only in the dark with your married partner.  When performing the vile sex act with your paid sex worker however, you should have all the lights on and film the event for the internet.

Economic

 * Deregulation always helps industry, the economy and the people, because regulation of any kind serves no protective function. Well, except for social regulation (banning free trade in smut, for example), which is of course vital and necessary to protect society from people who are or think differently from the mythical "norm."
 * Public services are bad (presumably including the military, police, fire, EMS, and state universities). The only way anything can possibly be of any benefit to society is if the State is not involved with it.
 * The minimum wage causes school dropouts.
 * Tax cuts are always the best economic strategy. ALWAYS. Even if it means taking on large amounts of debt to fund a war, tax cuts are good. If you can't understand why tax cuts are good in a given situation, it's because your faith is weak.

Education

 * Any Tom, Dick, or Herschel off the street can start calling himself an Oxford Professor and the college won't object as long as he's an atheist
 * A parent, after reading a book or two, is a much better teacher than a trained professional who spent several years and several hundred thousand dollars learning to teach
 * Keeping your student home everyday and preventing him/her from interacting with any differing viewpoint until it's so burnt in that they can't go against it is a good thing
 * Public schools don't teach that lying, drug use, violence, casual sex or theft are wrong....but that prayer IS.
 * In fact, any form of prayer is completely outlawed in public schools. If they catch you silently praying before a class, they will probably publicly beat you.
 * There's no point reading any books to educate oneself - a much better strategy is to sit down, pick a topic you know absolutely jack shit about, and write a book about it.  Once this book is written, use the book to teach others.
 * That is, if you can even read, because liberals censored the use of phonics in public schools, which is why the literacy rate in Chicago is lower than in ancient Rome. They do this so they can control the uneducated masses!
 * Going to public school will get you killed in no time in a hail of gunfire by drive-by satanist drug-addled crazies wearing black clothing - but this happens because of atheism and not personal firearms, that would be crazy!
 * In fact, these murders would've been prevented if the students would be allowed to carry a Defensive weapon of gun!
 * English majors are the most radicalized students on campus. That's why it was no surprise that Cho Seung-Hui, the murderer of 32 students and teachers at Virginia Tech, was an English major.
 * Andrew Schlafly is capable of teaching to college entrance level.

Logical

 * Ad hominem is a valid form for an argument.
 * A single counterexample refutes an argument that states that something happens most of the time.
 * However, several counterexamples do not refute an argument that states that something always or never happens.
 * Quote mining does not exist. It is simply a plot by liberals to prevent people from telling them what their words mean, rather than them telling us what they meant. However, when accusations similar to this are leveled at liberals, it is called a "quote out of context," which exists, despite the fact that it is exactly the same as quote mining.

Conservapedia itself

 * Contributing to Conservapedia strengthens the mind.
 * Whatever Assfly Andrew Schlafly says must be true, no matter how stupid it sounds.
 * "Conservapedia doesn't censor." And if anyone says differently, we'll block them forever and delete everything they've ever posted.
 * The three day lock put on the "wp:Richard Dawkins" article is censorship. The permanent locks on various CP articles such as "atom", "kangaroo" and "Ann Coulter" is somehow not censorship. (Somehow censorship is achieved through not locking the articles)
 * Ignoring arguments/evidence or banning people with different opinions and deleting their comments are acceptable acts in a civilised debate
 * Discussions in conservapedia should be a meritocracy! Its OK to ignore people's opinions/arguments if they refuse to contribute to a stupidly biased, pointless "encyclopedia".
 * In fact people shouldn't have a right to express their opinions unless they have contibuted in an insanely biased, pointless acceptable way to conservapedia.
 * If you're 95% sure of someone's views on abortion and school prayer you don't have to listen to their argument on any topic.
 * Hell, even if you're not 95% sure of someone's beliefs you can make these numbers up meaning you don't have to listen to anyone.

Miscellaneous

 * Ann Coulter is an expert on...well..anything, except delusional self promotion.
 * Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot drug addled Palm Beach elitist  Viagra-using sex tourist champion of the common man!
 * Everything broadcast by Fox News is incontrovertible FACT.
 * Every word that comes out of the mouth of any member of the Bush family is FACT, except when GWB was 'mislead' to believe in anthropogenic global warming.
 * Ronald Reagan wasn't quite the Second Coming, but he was fricking close.
 * Bill Clinton is the Anti-Christ.  No wait, Hillary Clinton is the AntiChrist. Dammit, we meant Obama is the Antichrist!
 * Margaret Thatcher was Our Kind of Woman, and every word that came out of her mouth was FACT. Except when she was in favor of gun control or the British system of Universal health care, in that case she was just a dirty foreign liberal.
 * A slight decline in new editors signing up at Wikipedia is a direct result of their 'censoring' of the wp:Richard Dawkins article.
 * People who trample on the American flag MUST BE liberals.
 * The term "flood" and its derivatives are downplayed by the media despite Andy's cited sources for this claim using the word numerous times.
 * Andrew Schlafly is a competent lawyer. (see the Lenski affair)