Fun:Haggis



Haggis is a Scottish 'delicacy' best eaten with a full stomach. It is viewed with slight alarm by inhabitants of other countries. It is made of a sheep's stomach stuffed with the other internal organs (there is also a vegetarian version), and is traditionally served on Burns night (though whether this date is named after the poet or attempts to get rid of the haggis is unclear).

In districts within spitting distance of the River Tyne, the sport of haggis hurling is sometimes witnessed. Competitors stand on an upturned barrel, usually just outside a public house, and toss a club standard haggis; as in caber-tossing, the toss is not judged on distance, but style. The winner is the tosser who doesn't fall off the barrel. As the losers have to eat their haggis, these competitions can be incredibly fierce. Haggis was played in the Olympics once in 1904, and the atrocity was never spoken of again.

Haggis woo
The haggis, gullible persons are told, is a creature which has to be caught. It has legs on one side longer than the other and so lives on mountains, running 'on the level': the way to capture it is to make it go the wrong way (so it topples over). Cross-training in the art of snipe hunting may be useful; it is unknown whether the light of a pocket torch will dazzle the puir wee scurrying haggis enough that it runs into an open paper sack.

According to some versions there are two species of haggis - depending upon whether their left or right legs are longer. If they meet on a mountain, they try and outface each other. If these creatures are tamed, they are given walkies on the edge of the pavements.

There is also a Lowland species of flying haggis, which is believed to be extinct. They would hover around gas lamp standards in major conurbations on foggy nights (possibly as part of a mating ritual), and men would come out of pubs and try to beat them out of the air with sticks. It's possible that the flying haggis fled Scotland for Mexico, where striking one while blindfolded would cause it to explode with candy.