Conservapedia:Best of Conservapedia/0706

June additions

 * Apparently refusing to sign onto Operation Iraqi Freedom now goes against all things Western and Secular.
 * The first sentence of the article on Mexico is priceless.
 * Facts have a liberal bias?. Simply delete them then. Telling horny teenagers not to have sex is clearly the best way.
 * Take a few minutes to read epic exchange between two CP sysops about the color of a link in a template. And then compare Hoji's first post with Conservative's last post.
 * Got blocked or lost your late-night editing rights? Don't take it personally. Oh, and don't expect to get an explanation - "It is not productive for us to explain in detail each and every decision about editors' authority and we do not intend to do so." Oh, and by the way, you're blocked
 * Fun fact: TK is an "expert at conflict resolution and communication, and will not let you down"
 * It would appear that you can be blocked for vandalism without making a single edit. Maybe they have a Minority Report style approach to tackling wandals?
 * RobS as batshit insane, sorry, open minded as ever.
 * who says? Karajou says!
 * Ed Poor, who apparently doesn't read his own stuff before he writes it, sets a new standard for irony, telling a user that CP does not use "intimidation, bullying, humiliation, threats, teasing, and relentless POV-pushing", in an edit that actually commits several of those offenses. And in the same edit: Ed Poor explains your rights on Conservapedia: None.
 * Lovely sentence from TK. Also apparently the Republican party have in the past engaged in Liberal Deceit.
 * Don't know why I liked this, I just did.
 * Talk about priorities: Stephanie Simon got a CP article before the apparently less important people like Tom Clancy, J. K. Rowling, and Kofi Annan . Among others.
 * Telling Andy that the LA Times article is not as charming as he wants + spelling "favorite" the non-American way = "Ah, your spelling of 'favorite' gives you away. Not an American, and perhaps a Bush-hater? Why didn't you just at the beginning that you dislike conservatives, if that's case???"
 * "A columnist (...) widely criticized by the public." Follow the link. (Note that the page is a frame of the Main Page.)
 * Where do some Conservapedia sysops get their information from? Google and (the extremely biased, liberal) Wikipedia, apparently!
 * Writing "Icewedge = Jesus" is worthy of being blocked for the rest of time, but claiming that Jews are the spawn of Satan only deserves a one year ban.
 * Relativity is a bloody fact. Denying it is unbelievably anti-intellectual. This link also includes the brilliant exercise in grammar, "Public school student is arrested in the much-publicized savage murder of a Pennsylvania couple and its teenage son."
 * RobS teaches us that chemical formulae and historical information about cocaine are claims that we can't make.
 * Too much knowledge about smallpox is not good for Conservatives. Ignorance is bliss.
 * Apparently what's fit for the main page isn't good enough for the blog, sorry, encyclopedia. And this clears up any doubt. And I thought the American health system was perfect.
 * It seems that the Acid never hit the Kool Aid in the conservapedia version of the Merry Pranksters.
 * I'm very fond of not only the fantastic writing, but also the wild inaccuracies about the second-largest city in the US, Los Angeles
 * Ugh...This one is even more offensive than their usual fare. Way to show your knowledge of porn terms, Crocoite!
 * An unaccustomed bit of honesty from TK
 * Opposition to Israeli policies is so anti-semitism, so shaddap! And no fair citing Conservapedia!
 * I am a sysop; therefore, I will redefine the spelling of "consevative"
 * Ignorance (is bliss, and how to attain it)
 * Poetry Criticism, Conservapedia style!
 * Being sysop is hard work, right? Not according to Conservative!
 * Watch out! You might be talking to an ETA member now!
 * TK on accountability: "That, sir, is my agenda is; accountability and knowledge."
 * TK on templates: "Ed told me to delete any templates I didn't know about, or became suspicious about....and I cerainly am with this one."
 * "She's a witch! Burn her!"
 * Words fail me.
 * Final Exam on mr. Schlafly's Economics course. Recommended highlights are questions 5, 26, 27 and 30.
 * Breast cancer is an important issue, but you can't see how to detect it.
 * Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time
 * Processed pork is evil I tell you. Evil!
 * Apparently "talk pages do not constitute debate"
 * Yes Ed, you may need a better title for that
 * Final Exam Question of Doom - This one doesn't REALLY count since it's a full convo, but it has a few memorable moments, like this "HAAA HAAAA!" moment by Andy.


 * Lenin invented time travel!
 * Good Ed vs. Evil Ed - Round One, Fight!
 * Jack Bauer shows us the way
 * This whole conversation, especially the part between Andy and "John Smith", is a thing of beauty, especially after Andy's "if that is your real name" barb, given after John told him explicitly it wasn't. Good times!
 * Disagreeing with the voices in RobS' head is now defined as "vandalism". Please update your dictionaries accordingly.
 * Using Lenin's time travel device (see above), Andy and Karajou managed to ban a user before giving him his ban warning. I hope Andy won't mind if JohnSmith doesn't reply... (But remember: "Before I block anyone, I go to Andy and let him know what's going on first, giving him a chance to see for himself what has transpired.")
 * As Conservapedia descends into surreality, TK of all people unveils an "ad hominem page" template (except it's ineptly done) all over Andy's talk page. Personally, I think they should just move it to the top and leave it there. TK copied that here then showed it to Andy to impress him with his new idea, kinda deceitful of him.
 * Andy wants to make sure everyone knows how great Tim Willoughby is.
 * Gaaaaah!
 * Censorship and favouritism, two great tastes that taste great together!
 * …
 * Now Jimbo will need Conservapedia! Okay…
 * Clearly, the less information on an encyclopedia, the better. To include more would be admitting the utility of vaccination.
 * The average Conservapedian probably doesn't realize the irony of this Daily Historical Quote that appeared on the main page.
 * I was impressed by the edit summary, which was apparently a chance to attack liberals that was passed up - until I saw the actual edit.
 * Sm355 is warned that if he deletes the phrase "God's universe" from the physics article again he will be blocked. Crocoite decides that it's better to just ban him 3 minutes later before he has the chance to do anything else.
 * Just one of the currently more than "11,300 educational, clean, and concise entries". Deleted by Bohdan, who had previously made one of the two edits to that page (by adding his own name after Ed started the page with "You MORON!"). Restored by TK, but it's now locked and redirecting to CP:Deletedpage.
 * Hingham Journal, Hingman Journal, who cares? It's just the main page, no need to actually check the proper spelling of the town's name. What makes this so special: After more than 24 hours and six edits by the same sysop, the news item - with the wrong name - dropped off the main page. More than enough time for people (like the Hingham Journal admins who might check their server logs) to notice the lack of quality control on the Trusworthy Encyclopedia
 * Tee Hee
 * Okay, so he/she is probably a sock and was probably up to no good, but after doing this, this happened. Who's got the hairiest hair-trigger in the quickdraw classroom? I do! I do! I do!  Please Mr. Schlafly, please stroke my belly. αιρδισΗταλκ 17:52, 13 June 2007 (CDT)
 * One edit block. Philip J. Rayment created an article Creation and evolution compared. MortUrie edited it, changing this to this and was banned for 2 weeks for what BenjaminS referred to as vandalism. TK thinks the page (in the initial, empty state) Looks good but needs ... close monitoring.
 * Yo, SimonA, feel free to come over here and talk some sense into us. Then we could show you that we're not just "a bunch of liberal nut jobs who were thrown off Conservapedia, and are still holding a grudge" (even though that summary has a nice ring to it...).
 * Brownshirt training school. "Ya I agree. Know what I find humorus, is that they can't defend themselves while we trash them! Haha-- [User:Redacted]  13:25, 14 June 2007 (EDT)
 * TK again. Such mature debate makes me rue the day I was cast out from their hallowed halls.
 * IT'S BACK FROM THE DEAD. AND COMMUNISM IS EVOL!
 * The History of the Earth is something Conservatives don't want to know about.
 * One of those "If you think that I think that you think that I know who you're talking about..." moments, it seems. - Are you catching the drift? ;) (They totally need code names if they're talking about what I think they think they're talking about - but who knows what I'm thinking? I suggest "UnicornJoe" for RW, "ChihuahuaFred" for CP Column, and "HyenaBruce" for B4M - seriously, people got no creativity nowadays...)
 * RobS - subtle vandal? Yes, entries 1, 2, and 4 count as real articles: For example, "Sfdgsfdgsdfgdf" is currently (June 16, 3.20pm German time) the 11.503rd "educational, clean, and concise" article on CP.
 * Aschlafly enters Geo's contest. What do we deem his odds?

Even older

 * (This item superseded by Conservapedia:FBI_Incident) Andy gets called out (by three four  five  six seven people so far! &mdash; JackTheRealMcCoy, Eddiec, SumsUp, Philaretes, Order, EdDeTour and Supervisor) on his hollow threat to report "vandals" to the FBI. Of course, these questions are all quickly removed      ,, and the questioners all blocked or threatened       .  A recent reversion (by TerryH) is titled "FBI is NOYB". The powers that be seem extremely touchy on this subject.
 * (This item superseded by Conservapedia:FBI_Incident) Karajou, in a spate of slightly more than abnormal stupidity, bans Philaretes for asking about the FBI investigation on his own talk page. He then claims asking questions about an investigation  is “obstruction of justice.”  He then reverts Philaretes’ edits to his own page.  So much for one’s page  being a “castle.”
 * By categorising Madonna as an 'Actress', LearnTogether has revealed himself as a troll, surely?
 * The sad thing is, they probably don't see the irony in the historical Quote
 * "Nearly all law professors are liberal" and "90% of law professors voted for [John Kerry]". Perhaps Andy forgot that 2 of the conservative members of SCOTUS are former law professors.
 * Irony at its best.
 * Mocking Andy is the same as mocking Christianity!
 * A clean, family-friendly encyclopedia that may be used by children needs to be very careful about discussion of breasts, so it has mammary glands. Complete with "she has been blessed" as a euphemism for development, or "she has been abundantly blessed" in some cases.  I can just imagine the text messaging among boys in high school English class.
 * CP reveals: The Gates Foundation is "hostile to religion" because none of their 2007 money "has gone towards faith-based programs"!
 * CP considers actors portraying characters who indulge in activities which, in real life, the actor personally disagrees with, a form of Liberal hypocrisy. Presumably, Anthony Hopkins is a hypocrite for not REALLY being a serial-killing cannibal. Karajou makes a fool of himself trying to justify this ignorance.
 * Foxpuppet Doesn't like that point  So it's gone.
 * Israel supports Same Sex Marriage? Nope, just the work of Liberal Activist Judges
 * And this just kills me.
 * Emphasis on casualties in Saving Private Ryan is an example of liberal-ness.
 * How could David Vitter's wife not forgive him? God did.
 * Conservapedia keeps dossiers on all presumptive Cabal members, and all trouble-makers. These highly invasive files include personal information such as full name, age, family members, employment, and contact information.  So, we now see what it would be like to live in a world run by Conservapedia: what we would lack in privacy, we would gain in vindictive animosity.
 * In contrast to the Fair and Balanced Fox News, the BBC is just biased!
 * Nothing like a spat between sysops TK and Fox to liven things up!
 * Andy admits that "people of low IQs" often have "strong religious faith." Egad! Sounds like a typical CPer!
 * Users banned for being people they're not
 * Only Biblical paintings can be considered masterpieces
 * Liberals Hate Abstinence, they want everyone having SEX!!!! or perhaps they don't?
 * Looking for great conservative songs? Look no further!!
 * Mortal Kombat is Racist.... Who Knew?
 * Dick Cheney didn't shoot anyone; his hunting partner just received buck shot to the face and neck after walking into his blind spot. Also, it appears that Cheney moved into Whittington's blind spot rather than vice versa.
 * Christians doing something they shouldn't? Then obviously they aren't Christians, and it's all a liberal conspiracy!
 * Public schools are responsible for all of the violence committed by the students. Well, duh!
 * "Thou shalt not bear false witness"... unless you belong to the Christian Coalition!
 * Conservapedia's sysop Fox is accused of being a liberal.  Block followed, of course.
 * Lookout!  The Feds will be kicking doors in!   Andy is putting the FBI on the vandals.  &  (It is recommended that you follow the diffs for a while, classic stuff.)  Oh, and the FBI certainly does care about internet vandals, apparently .   Finally, the lawyers are coming out of the woodwork
 * RobS claims that every human being is a capitalist, without exception.
 * 65,536 more IPs are banned, nonupling the number of blocks on CP. The number of blocks has octodecupled since the range block of July 9th.
 * The Fourteenth Amendment stands for the separation of church and state, according to Aschlafly. Now, maybe that's what they teach at Harvard Law, but not what the law actually says.  See our Fourteenth Amendment article to see why Andy's wrong about pretty much everything.
 * CP, The trustworthy encyclopedia, embraces the most important issues of the day: to wit: Are Dogs better than Cats? and is it a leftwing conspiracy? CP say "yes" on both counts. And yet they ridicule Wikipedia for having a "silly" entry on the slang expression "duh".
 * Before you complain about anything, you must complain about everything. Don't bother criticizing Andy until you tackle every other problem in the world.
 * CP Unwelcome Mat is Official!: CP Sysops to earn points (and not just brownie points) by blocking editors.
 * Deletion can only refer to DNA.
 * Conservapedia weighs in on African Americans: A very brief entry on African Americans in CP includes a section devoted to their "lower than average" intelligence.
 * Terrorism is |hilarious! Thank God Andy understands this.
 * More politicizing of tragedy: More Young Earth Creationist Math. Conservapedia thinks being in a coma for ten days with the likelihood of brain injury is pretty much the same as being in a persistent vegetative state for over a decade.
 * Homopedia: An idea whose time has come!
 * Democrats gain an unfair advantage in elections because dogs can vote.
 * The Nobel Prize committee has given little recognition to Relativity, presumably because they doubt it's true; nevertheless, they denied a Nobel Prize to Robert Dicke because of his criticism of Relativity.
 * Conservapedia's founder gives right-thinking Christians carte blanche to judge others citing his considered opinion that some of the teachings of Jesus are too liberal and therefore not part of the real bible.
 * According to Andy, liberals all support the creation of chimera.
 * The sun set on the British Empire because they promoted the Piltdown Man.
 * Chuck Norris works to uncover a vast atheist conspiracy that wants to outlaw Christianity in the United States.
 * Geraldo Rivera is a liberal, even though he supports the troops?
 * Elamdri's logic: "If you are Mexican, but you don't live in Mexico, then you aren't really Mexican anymore because you've relinquished your Mexican citizenship"
 * Guess what? Slavery isn't all bad!
 * The Confederate States of America existed until 1870.
 * Leftists [are]...advocates of thought control
 * Authorisation is necessary to be on a public wiki, and only Sysops are allowed to talk to one another.
 * Ashlafly's educational advice to a student - "don't read a book to learn, but write a book to learn". Note: A shortened version of this advice recently became a CP motto.
 * Nothing important happened on June 8 or June 11
 * RobS grumpily accepts that his New Ordeal article is an essay, but still bans user Irat as the door shuts behind him
 * Warm front sweeps through the Great Lakes region, bringing storms. Wild paranoia sweeps through CP, bringing bans.
 * Despite their protestations to the contrary, The Church of Jesus Christ are not Christians.
 * CP believes that conservatives out grew deceit by age 6. I wonder if they count Tom Delay or Scooter Libby as a conservative?
 * Mirabile dictu! U.S. dollars pre-date the U.S.A.! This is clearly a measure of the strength of our currency.
 * Midnight Cowboy is a "pornographic film" which "has long since been forgotten".
 * Liberals made fun of Jesus Christ in person.
 * This has a pro-evolutionary bias.
 * Creating an account then asking for deletion is a Parthian shot.
 * Polls are important only when the results support your opinion.
 * The TV Show 24 proves that torture is always needed in the War on Terror.
 * The main reason humans fear death is because they're afraid of God's judgement? See our refutation at Essay:Fear of Death.
 * People are not animals, and there is 'no evidence animals can "think"'.
 * As an award for proving Fermat's Last Theorem, Andrew Wiles was awarded US citizenship; this item was fixed on May 27th.
 * The time period between 1929 and 1949 are known as the New Ordeal or the "Great Ordeal". Also, this 20 year period is entirely covered by 4 4-year terms, and no Republicans held the presidency during this time period.  Also, Harry S. Truman's presidency preceded Franklin Roosevelt's. Note: Some of this has been fixed, but the uncited use of "New Ordeal" remains; see this article for more information.
 * Paula Jones, central figure in the Bill Clinton sex scandals, is the same person as the Stephen E. Jones who sued to prevent the electors from the state of Texas from casting their votes for Dick Cheney in 2000. That paragraph has been edited by two CP sysops  since its May 13th introduction without that being corrected.
 * Writing "Ic3w3dg3 = JESUS" on a website viewed by less than 1/2 of .01% of internet users is an act of terrorism.
 * It is closed-minded to believe that physical constants (speed of light, half-life of carbon) are constant. Even when their modification would cause the universe to implode.  It logically follows that when the laws of physics must bend to allow young-earth creationistm... they do!
 * Legal rules here (search for User:Richard) apply to Conservapedia's block policy... at least, when they result in decreasing annoyance to Andy. When legal conventions like "evidence" and "due process" get in the way of blocking users, they're summarily ignored.
 * Witchcraft exists because God exists.
 * Any kind of website attack, especially those involving being mean to Conservatives, is an act of cyberterrorism, even though that would involve changing the definition of the word.
 * Since February of 2007, more than 3000 users have been blocked from this website
 * CP improves clarity, and freshens breath!
 * Plan B is awesome!
 * "Tweaking sysops" is a blockable offence.
 * Being the target of a mocking column equals success. Being the target of a blog that no one has ever heard of is an even greater success!
 * Users banned for having incorrect musical taste - many songs removed