User:Shabidoo/alt

Alternative medicine is the solution to evil pharmacies and doctors stealing your money. Our alt-doctors conquor the theft and abuse of big pharma and stop overprescribing chemicals for years through biased and overly complex diagnosis while bankrupting families and throwing them out on the street. Are you and your wife and three children with clamydia living in a box behind the Trump-tower? our alt-doctors (alt-MD™) follow three profound principles: they give away their medicine for free, they cast stones and bones to determine the best unbiased and truthful diagnosis and they never prescribe more than one pill bottle of vitamin supplement with no ability to refill and order more of them forever. These guiding rules keep us ethical as opposed to the to the pumping-full-of-chemicals complex slowly taking over the world, rubbing their greedy rubber gloved hands, licking their lips as they try to reach the last savage tribes on earth.

Alt-med is a moderate reaction to big-pharma planting its profit making tentacles in clinics and sheeples' brains. Yet alt-med uses words to fight back: "just because you have an M.D. diploma doesn't make you a caring healer".

Unlike doctors who exploit patients by charging them for their services, alt-med-specialists rely on charitable donations and live frugally, always taking the bus, living in a modest shack in the forest and eating instant noodles and lentils. Spaghetti with insect paste is the new thing for the those controversial life-healers who aren't vegans. Life-energy mediators are but also green, animal friendly and modest in their knowledge. Most specialists spend a few hours a day walking around town with a metal cup, a hand bell and a sandwich board advertising their mission "help us end the medical monopoly...your donation helps survivors of modern-medicine-abuse heal with love, enerfy and cinnamon oil, mega-vitamin-zed suppositories and highly-diluted-disease-water. A donation of 10 dollars also covers my instalt noodle consumption for one week".

Alt-med-experts also take great care to ensure treatments are short and simple. While modern doctors prescribe enormous cocktails of hundreds of pills a week for years on end, alt-med-experts make sure that a treatment in itself is effective. Gone are the days when patients are manipulated into chronic consumption of pills. Since alt-med-specialists give everything away for free, they have no incentive to get patients hooked on oils or needle pushing or expensive capsules filled with easily obtainable ingredients. That would be unethical and the kind of games modern-medicine plays. One of the greatest methods of doing this is having alt-med websites where users are only allowed to order one treatment at a time and for no more than two weeks. Alt-med-internet-start-ups take great pride in encouraging moderation, avoiding addiction and putting their customers well-being over the greedy accumulation of money.