Conservapedia:Best of Conservapedia/0804

April 2008

 * Conservative tells the truth about the theory of evolution page. Screen capture here.
 * Less lulzy than our regular WIGO's but fascinating if you don't know much about the wacky Unification Church and its founder Sun Myung Moon, i.e. the cult known as Moonies - Ed Poor, a Moonie himself, fights off information about Moon and the Church, and locks both pages, proclaiming himself the leading internet authority on the subject. Meanwhile, reasonable questions are asked but Ed deletes every mention and blocks all parties involved. UPDATE:  People appeal to Andy, thinking that perhaps Ed has gone so far overboard that even Andy will see it.  Will Andy intervene?  no.  He burns it instead.
 * Best. Parthian Shot.  Ever. Screenshot, just in case, you know, it get memory holed. UPDATE: Page 63 in the "I've been Pwned Playbook," Pretend you're not hurt and move on; see also "Redefining Douchery," with "Mr." Andrew Schlafly, "J.D." EVEN MORE DrCB, I think you may have started something Maybe  shoulda blocked the good doctor? (Learn Together did it for him... and only then replies to an old discussion to claim victory by default)THE END: Good old Andy, reeling from the vicious beating dealt to him, removes the entire section, thus the great circle of life is complete my son.
 * What the fuck is this shit?
 * Introducing Andy's most recent rant, "Liberal Gullibility" - and as usual, you can't argue against it or its examples without being cited and mocked as living proof for it. Update: the conservative counterpart is created, but dies fairly quickly.
 * Conservative attempts to discuss his latest secret message rationally. FAIL. EPIC FAIL. COMBO FAIL. Update: Wait... you mean if something's incorrect on a Wiki, you can fix it? Inconceivable!
 * Schlafly Speak: "based on" = "shamelessly stolen from", and "not yet consented" = "got caught".
 * Yet another Conservative Value: If you see wrongdoing, mind your own damn business!
 * And again, the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing.
 * So close, Ed. Now think for a minute just why nobody wants to help.
 * Here we go, time for Professor Style!.
 * Evolutionist style is here! Just think, Schlafly now knows about Liberals, Feminists and Evolutionists... How about something he's really familiar with... like Mama's Boy Style or I'm F***ing Insane Style? (Reading it closely makes me suspect that TerryH is a satirist. Possibly an unconscious one.)|
 * Next up, Old Age Pensioner Values.
 * Tiger Woods: supremely talented professional golfer, or just another negro whose alleged success is the result of liberal interference?
 * Andy's shameless parsing would make Bill Clinton blush. Just how ambiguous does he think "From 1992 until his election to the U.S. Senate in 2004, Barack Obama served as a professor in the Law School" is, anyway?
 * Hey, you women out there, Andy knows how to spell your name better than you do.
 * Ed faces resistance from an invulnerable user, a bosom-buddy of the Schlaflinator who cannot be banned. When forced to argue, defend himself, and face criticism rationally... what will Ed do!? UPDATE - Kettleklick plays with fire.
 * Point: Mr Andy Sir... I think it might be a little hypocritical to mock Obama while claiming that only liberals do that don't you? Counterpoint: No Point: but you're obviously mocking him Counterpoint: NO Point: But look please look Extra Point: I agree, here's why Counterpoint: NO NO NO!!!! (Reader's digest: "Obama falsely claimed that he was a constitutional law professor", no matter what the University of Chicago News Office says!) More: We won't even refer to him as "Senator" if we judge his acts non-senatorial!  Again: Liberal Mockery is okay as long as Andy does it "carefully."
 * Looks like somebody caught JM with his hands in the cookie jar, and Assfly actually does something about it. (The photo's been reverted to its unadorned state on the original site.)
 * Something tells me Conservative will get slapped for his "Gentlemen at another site" messages: After Bohdan's attempt at damage control spectacularly backfired, Bohdan hastily wipes out the section, only to be confronted by a very disillusioned user.
 * Welshman unleashes his Parthian Shot. Note that PJR may be on the outs with Schlafly and all the other Elite Cabal of Ignorance at CP, but at least he still gets some love from the rational crowd.UPDATE: A shout-out to HelpJazz, who acknowledges the futility of his quest. UPDATE: AusingP gets blocked for personal remarks by pointing out Ed's personal remarks. UPDATE #3: Same goes for TomMoore and Welshman - three editors contributors banned (FOREVER) for something that was started by Ed Poor.  YET ANOTHER UPDATE:  Ed gets proactive, tries to cut down on future complaints.
 * The irony meter has just reached all new levels. Come on PJR, any other editor would have gotten an infinite ban, not a measly 6 hours TK Uses the word 'Shame' 9 times in one rant and gets a ban of 40 minutes each!
 * Joaquin hangs it up. So will he be banned and stripped of sysopship, like has been done to others in the past when they've taken sabbatical?  Or, will Andy get to the bottom of this?  Bonus speculation Could this be a setup to get back at PJR for messing with his Mind/body cut/paste jamboree article?  Update #2: TK takes his ball, too, blaming... PJR for driving Joaquin away.  But does anyone here actually think TK's leaving?    Update #3: If TK didn't fan the flames of paranoia a bit, well then it just wouldn't be CP, would it? Update #4: Nothing to see here! Move along! (Especially nice how this purge basically comes just a few hours after PJR defended himself - wanna bet that Andy didn't and now will never read it?)
 * Parole's over. I think Helpjazz can safely interpret this as a "fuck you"...And, oh, yeah eat shit too. How long until the dark times return?
 * Andy goes mad mad mad with WikiPower! He wants to revert the Bible to rid it of liberal bias.  Bonus Stupidity:  Andy discovers that some parts of the Bible may have been written after the death of direct eyewitnesses.
 * Aschlafly inserts the strangest rant ever, claiming that Obama tries to use the Theory of relativity to redefine the human body, and thus promote abortion.
 * In the Gospel According to Andy, some parts of the Bible are actually Liberal hoaxes. PJR is not happy with this assertion.  This could get ugly(er). Even Conservatives find this hard to swallow.
 * Statistics/Facts become meaningless when they don't help your case.
 * Oxford's liberal teaching methods lead people to prostitution, says Andy. I mean, what sane person would even think of sending their child to Oxford? UPDATE: Oh, snap.
 * Another periodic dusting off for the Dawkins talk page. In a curious twist Aschlafly now appears to consider Dawkins' CV the ultimate authority on whether he really does hold a professorship. Meanwhile Ed makes a laudible attempt to resolve the matter once and for all by making a simple request for signed affidavits from every member of the University's Distinctions Committee because the Freedom of Information replies don't mean anything and have zero weight as evidence. And then he gives Mike a three month block just to make sure there won't be any replies.
 * Andy's never-ending battle against liberal bias is a tough job--one never knows where it'll pop up, or from whom...
 * Andy now has a test to see whether editors think for themselves. We'll call this a pass, I think. Update Here's your reward!
 * Ed requires proof of Egyptian Gods in order for them not to be myths.
 * So, Edward Poor, what was so nonsensical about this that you needed to block humblpi for 3 days? Was it because he didn't use any foul language to make his point clearer? Or that he actually suggested that there is a difference between "Atheist" and "Liberal"? What's that, Ed? Does not compute? Update: Unblocked again after 11.5 hours for being "hasty".
 * Double bonus entry: TK tries to help Andy by correcting grammar mistakes only a public school child could make, not realizing that this is a "homework" assignment and to boot he missed some obvious mistakes.
 * Conservapedia: The Family Friendly Encyclopedia. Oh, except for the part where sysops freely throw around the words "ass f***ing" on talk pages.  How long of a block do most people who violate #3 usually get, Ed? UPDATE Ed has given everyone carte blanche to use their potty-phrases whenever and wherever they like. Even Assfly condones it so long as you use a few asterixes. Suggestion - Andy, lets change the name to Cun*serva-fuc**ng-Pedia while we're at it. You wan**r.