Alphabiotics



Alphabiotics&reg;, an alternative medical practice, claims that most disease is caused by stress and a lack of "life energy" and that stress can be easily relieved "in just a matter of seconds" by a few gentle twists of the neck. The quack Dr. V.B. Chrane started alphabiotics in the 1920s as "a unique new profession". As of 2017 his son and grandson still carry out the practice. Despite using neck manipulation, alphabioticists maintain that they are not chiropractors. In a rather bizarre twist, practitioners instead call themselves "priests" and claim that the manipulation is a sacrament of the Alphabiotics Church (a.k.a., Alphabiotics International) (probably to evade taxes or medical licensing).

Alphabiotics International gives trainees certificates identifying them as a "Diplomate of Alphabiotics".

Alphabiotics Training Academy
There is a "school" that teaches bullshit Alphabiotics in Dallas, Texas called the "Alphabiotics Training Academy". In the spirit of Diploma mill-level education, there are only six actual people who run the day-to-day operations (they will be mentioned later) and there are only eight required courses but to be fair, there is zero distance learning.

"What you will learn"


 * The incredible Intelligence within you.


 * Destructive, inappropriate stress states.


 * Brain hemisphere balance / imbalance.


 * Why so many therapies are ineffective.


 * The joy of whole person congruence.


 * The hidden cause of negative self-talk.


 * How to truly make your life work better.


 * What "inner peace" really means.


 * The necessity of maintaining balance.

"Professors" and Staff listed


 * Virgil Chrane — This guy is the founder of Alphabiotics and is listed as "Doctor". He received a doctor of chiropractic.


 * Michael Chrane — The co-founder of Alphabiotics and is listed as a senior professor as well as a Doctor. Like Virgil, he has a degree in chiropractic.


 * Nona Chaille-Bertschy — Nona is an instructor at the Alphabiotics Training Academy, Nona has a Diploma in Alphabiotics and is listed as a B.C.N.D (Board Certified Naturopathic Doctor). This naturopathic "certification" means nothing as it is not affiliated with the American Association of Naturopathic Physicians, which is widely recognized by state governments in the United States and Provinces in Canada as a legitimate organization of (naturopathic) physicians.


 * Brittany Chrane-Mezzour — Apparently a training coordinator and nothing else is known.


 * Martha Chrane — Head of Administration and again, nothing is known