Pizzagate



Pizzagate is the (admittedly rather silly and unoriginal) name of an actual conspiracy theory claiming that Hillary Clinton is secretly involved in a pedophile ring centered around a pizza restaurant in Washington, D.C. This outlandish theory was spawned from a highly peculiar pattern-analytical reading of the hacked emails leaked by Wikileaks belonging to then-manager of Clinton's 2016 presidential campaign, as the highly suspect code phrase "cheese pizza" figured among said correspondence. The fact that the mention of cheese pizza was much more interesting to some people than the says something about the conspiracy crowd.

The Pizzagate theory was initially promoted and popularized on the notorious Poe-nest 4chan and on Reddit. It spread quickly over various fake news websites, as well as social media platforms such as Facebook and Twitter, and culminated in an armed man, arguably acting on the suggestion of one Alex Jones, entering the lion's den pizza parlor in question, rifle in hand, to "self-investigate" the claims in December 2016.

Origin and spread


The foundations of Pizzagate were laid by 4chan trolls scouring Clinton-related emails released by Wikileaks, looking for dirt. They found a series of emails which mentioned the pizza parlor in Washington, D.C., having seen occasional use as a venue for DNC fundraising events. Because life is random, the phrase "cheese pizza" happened to be an inside joke referring to child pornography on 4chan. Thus, users started to fabricate a conspiracy theory around the mention of this generic food item in the Podesta emails, soon speculating up a storm. Based on this diligent research, they quickly concluded that Podesta, Clinton and others were all part of a clandestine pedophile ring operating out of the innocent-looking pizza parlor. The conspira-trollery eventually flooded Reddit, where, on /r/The_Donald/, redditor "DumbScribblyUnctious" collected all the dubious conspiracy theories into one giant screed titled "Comet Ping Pong — Pizzagate Summary".

For the simple reason that this inherently borders on actual absurdist comedy, the popularity of the Pizzagate manufactroversy increased exponentially, with theories about the supposed conspiracy quickly growing ridiculously complex and lengthy. Professional insanity dispenser Alex Jones fanned the flames by adding his own conspiratorial twist, posting an InfoWars bulletin titled Pizzagate Is Real: Something Is Going On, But What?, where he told viewers that "you have to go investigate it for yourself", neglecting to factor in that his viewers might actually be impressionable enough to take his suggestions to heart.

As Pizzagate blew up on the internet, the hashtag #pizzagate began trending on Twitter. Comet Ping Pong suddenly gained a massive amount of followers on Instagram, along with numerous death threats. The conspiracy theory was actively spread on Twitter by a number of Trump supporters, a mob apparently still consumed by Trump's (later completely abandoned) "crooked Hillary" narrative, desperate for any scraps of manufactroversy that could realize their wet dream — to "lock her up".

Meanwhile in Turkey...
Turkish media outlets loyal to sultan president Recep Tayyip Erdoğan responsibly decided to publish articles promoting the Pizzagate conspiracy theory. Aside from the goal of generally stirring anti-American sentiment in Turkey, the stories were likely meant to deflect from a sexual abuse scandal implicating a charitable foundation with ties to Erdoğan's ruling party, and to distract from crackdowns on dissent after the attempted coup of July 2016.

A gunman
Help me [armed redneck listener]. You're my only hope.

As Pizzagate propagated across social media through various fake news outlets, with strategic command in charge of Hillary-bashing operations taking the hysteria to a new level, many people, lacking the apparent ability to tell fact from fiction, took the whole production for a real news story. One such misguided individual 28-year-old Edgar Maddison Welch from Salisbury, North Carolina  decided to respond to Alex Jones' impassioned pleas for General Kenobi someone to take matters into their own hands and "personally investigate".

Like a modern-day fake news-fueled Welch ominously stepped inside Comet Ping Pong on December 4, 2016 at around 3 p.m., when the parlor was packed with customers. And Welch hadn't come alone, either (making his entrance brandishing a loaded rifle), supposedly on a mission to "self-investigate" the Pizzagate conspiracy. Understandably, employees and diners alike made like a tree and left the scene. In a sense, Welch had successfully managed to drain that particular NWO swamp. According to his own post-arrest words, Welch "fired off some rounds". Thankfully (though oddly, perhaps battling some kind of Pizzergeist?), he only fired his gun once he was alone in the parlor. Soon after, he was promptly arrested after surrendering to police. Welch later stated that:

I just wanted to do some good and went about it the wrong way. I regret how I handled the situation.

While Welch first heard of the Pizzagate conspiracy through word of mouth, he confirmed it was the barrage of nonsense on the internet that led him to believe his actions were warranted.

After the shooting, Alex Jones later apologized:

At some point, the InfoWars apology was deleted from the web site. Taking and bearing responsibility is too much effort.

Some Pizzagate believers condemned Welch on Facebook, accusing him of being a crisis actor involved in a false flag. However, if one starts from the premise that Pizzagate is true, one could conclude that Welch acted rationally; this is basically what Welch had confessed. The conclusion from this is that many Pizzagate, like many conspiracy theories, is not meant to be believed but to function as a smear campaign.

In May 2019, an FBI memo from the Phoenix Field Office designated several political conspiracy theories (QAnon, Pizzagate, HAARP, New World Order, Sandy Hook massacre) as domestic threats with the potential to incite violence. As evidence, the FBI cited arrests for criminal activities associated with the theories.

Team Trump responds
As it happens, even Michael G. Flynn, son of Trump confidante and retired lieutenant general Michael T. Flynn, promoted the conspiracy theory, tweeting on December 6:

Until #Pizzagate proven to be false, it'll remain a story. The left seems to forget #PodestaEmails and the many 'coincidences' tied to it.

His comments attracted national attention and even resulted in him being fired from Trump's transition team. Even after his sacking, Flynn shared several tweets by Gamergater and lawyer Mike Cernovich, showing continued support for the conspiracy theory and tacitly implying that he believed the gunman incident might have been a false flag operation.

"Reputable" sources



 * Alex Jones: "PIZZAGATE IS A DIVERSION FROM THE GREATER CRIMES IN PODESTA WIKILEAKS" (Well, yes it is, since he's the one who made it an issue in the first damn place.)
 * The Daily Stormer (neo-Nazi) headline: "Massive Cover-Up of Pizzagate Child Sex Ring Allegations"
 * The Right Stuff (neo-Nazi) opening paragraph: "Make yourself aware of the information, use it to prepare memes and to make the lives of Leftists miserable. Do not run headlong into Illuminati conspiracy, that has been a failing tactic in the past, so we must exercise extreme caution around this topic."
 * What Does It Mean (conspiracist) headline: "Assassination Of Finnish Reporters Investigating Bizarre 'Pizzagate' Plot Puzzles Russia"
 * Smoloko News (anti-Semitic) headline: DHS Insider: CIA AND MOSSAD BEHIND DC PEDO RING
 * YourNewsWire (clickbait) headline: "Pizzagate: BBC Cover Up Another Huge Pedophile Scandal"
 * The New Nationalist (neo-Nazi) headline: "Will General Flynn Bust the DC Pizzagate Pedophile Ring?"
 * We Occupy Earth, (conspiracist) headline: "BREAKING !!! Julian ASSANGE Dead man SWITCH goes off after Exposing Hillary CLINTON !"
 * WebLine News (clickbait) headline: "Triggered Reddit CEO Shuts Pizzagate Community Then Alters User Comments"
 * Before It's News (All of the above) headline: "'Pizzagate': How 4Chan Uncovered the Sick World of Washington’s Occult Elite"

When the unified neo-Nazi/tinfoil/clickbait front is on your side, you know you're doing it right.

(Mis)infographics
Several images circulating on Twitter claim to reveal the "truth" about Pizzagate. These collages are indistinguishable from displays of batshit insanity, commonly known as "crazy walls" or "serial killer walls". Haig's Law may be useful here.

Infographic #1


The first infographic we look at eases us into the crazy world of a nutjob. It delves into several emails from the Clinton email leak:

Infographic #2


Also, there isn't any care for critical thinking; you should just trust all the most contrived patterns you're seeing only because you're actively looking for them while ignoring everything that inconveniences the narrative.

Infographic #3


This infographic takes images off of Comet Ping Pong's FaceBook which are band posters  and points things out with little analysis.

Podesta email "code words"
BREAKING [NEWS]: PEOPLE WILL LITERALLY FIND EVERYTHING IN ANYTHING

My friend texted me that he had fries at the bowling alley last night. Now I'm like 95% sure he's smoking crack behind the Arby's.

Cranks speculated that words and phrases used in leaked Clinton-related emails were pedophile codewords. (Of course, these words could also be used normally in normal conversations, but apparently cranks feel the pedophile meanings are somehow more "believable".) No attempt is made to prove that such a code exists, it's merely asserted without evidence.

"Pizzagate: Just The Facts"
One (mis)infographic features an explanatory paragraph that speculates on the extent of the conspiracy and who's involved in it:

Of course, every politician is part of the conspiracy — with the exception of Donald Trump, because he "isn't really a true politician, even as president".


 * An infographic claims that codewords used by pedophiles are used in Clinton-related emails. But aside from "chicken", terms like "sauce", "pasta", "pizza", "handkerchief", and "pillows" are not documented terms used by pedophiles; they were pulled out of thin air.


 * Adherents believe that the supposed pedophile ring also worships Satan, citing as evidence a jokey email signature used by retired Foreign Service officer Lewis Amselem: "With fingers crossed, the old rabbit's foot out of the box in the attic, I will be sacrificing a chicken in the backyard to …"   Never mind that Moloch isn't Satan.

Pizza.jpg




The alleged cornerstone of Pizzagate is an attachment found in a forwarded email from Bill Clinton advisor Doug Band in 2009 called "pizza.jpg". The attachment contains a photo of two adults enjoying pizza with a kid, which is supposedly evidence of child molestation; however, the email and its attachment were completely misinterpreted. What "Pizza.jpg" actually shows is American journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling along with a young girl, possibly Lee's daughter Hana. The three are eating pizza after Clinton secured their release from captivity in North Korea in August 2009. "As John said, it doesn't get any better than this," Band comments to Clinton aide Huma Abedin, Podesta, and others. "Nice", Podesta responds.

No child abuse. No pedophile ring. Yet cranks continued to cook up nutty conspiracies based on the photo.

also Podesta sent this pic with this email. Obviously Asian sex slaves

@OmsToTheWorld I can't tell if you guys are being serious or if you really are that retarded.

Crème de la Kremlin
Taking one campaign manager's email account and releasing it with zero curation in the last month of an election needs to be treated as what it is: political sabotage, not whistle-blowing.

Pizzagate was confirmed in Senate intelligence committee hearings by Clint Watts to be part of a Russian "Active Measures" online operation pushing fake news, ludicrous conspiracies, and a general pro-Russian agenda. These findings lent support to what Glen Caplin, spokesman for the Clinton campaign, had argued previously:

This is why we can't have nice things


Thanks to Pizzagate, something called "cybersteria" (i.e. public hysteria caused by internet trolls) is now a thing. That means BS (like Pizzagate) brainstormed by assholes on 4chan or 8chan, picked up by the Alex Jones Infowars crazy train, amplified and spread by fake news sites, and then kept alive by Twitter trolls is something we're all going to have to live with.

Facebook is now taking the problem of fake news (and its own role in perpetuating it) much more seriously, looking into ways to identify it and stop treating it like any other trending topic in the future. Thanks, Facebook &mdash; too little, too late!

A large fault with the story surrounding the Pizzagate situation is the nature of the allegations. In short, all of the "evidence" is and it's not even good circumstantial evidence, either. Even if Comet Pizza does have a pedophile ring, self-investigators are doing an extremely poor job pushing their case. To date, no evidence or victims have come forward to confirm the existence of a crime of any sorts at Comet Ping Pong.

The aftermath
John Podesta made a tweet which pissed off conspiracy theorists:

I know I’m asking for it but the community is great and the pizza is great too. Thanks James. https://t.co/ZNcbFUzb4N

The tweet links to a Washington Post article by James Alefantis:

Donutgate
After the main course, it is customary to follow with dessert. In Pizzagate's case, this means the equally horrible Donutgate, with bizarre pedo ring theories centered on the quirky beloved Portland staple

Pizzagate 2: Electric Boogaloo
As the Pizzagate conspiracy faded away, most of the energy in the movement got absorbed into QAnon. However, as of 2019, the ashes of Pizzagate continue to smolder on within, with some still engaged in the quest of busting up elite pedo sex rings they perceive to be running in Comet Ping Pong's basement. (Comet Ping Pong, incidentally, does not have a basement.)

On January 23, 2019, in what was possibly propelled by conspiracy theories (based on his parents earlier posting conspiracy videos pushed by "Joe M"), Ryan Jaselskis attempted to set a black curtain at Comet Ping Pong on fire, bizarrely (but perhaps related to the conspiracy theory) leaving behind a diaper and baby food in the process.