Biofield flower therapy

Biofield flower therapy is based on homeopathy, but is actually dumber. It was supposedly first perpetrated by a "late Professor Dr Helmut Meyl" (yes, that's "professor doctor") from "the Institute of Biophysical Naturopathic Programming" (obviously the cutting edge in science) allegedly based in D&uuml;sseldorf, Germany. There isn't shred of corroborating evidence avaliable on the web even for the existence of any "Prof Dr Meyl" (living or dead), nor of the "institute" in question.

The riddle regarding this particular wonder of medicine was eventually solved, however.

Theory
The therapy seeks to use "vibrational patterns" claimed to be inherent within flowering plants to restore "biological information transfer" within human systems. The theory is based on the quack suggestion that scalar waves within cells can suffer quantum interference from toxins. The practitioner maps the human "biofield" and matches the frequency of vibration in this "biofield", correcting irregularities in it via application of a suitable woo combination of "biofield flower remedies".

D.I.Y. cure for cancer
To prepare the remedies:
 * 1) Harvest the plants at night, so that their vibrations are not exaggerated by "thermal electromagnetic disturbances".
 * 2) Soak the petals in schnapps for six months.
 * 3) Strain the schnapps through silk.
 * 4) Swallow the schnapps whilst holding a vial of distilled water. This only works for a trained practitioner!
 * 5) Drip the water onto lactose pills, which the patient then consumes.

Alternately, the practitioner may put one drop of the schnapps under the patient's tongue and one on their brow.

Practitioners hold that "biophotons" are captured by the sugar pills, and might transmit the "essential photonic vibrational patterns to the light-emitting DNA receptors in damaged cells.

At this point you have filled every square on your alternative medicine bingo card. Congratulations.

Effectiveness
Researches into the effectiveness of biofield flower therapy are allegedly "in their infancy", even by alternative medicine standards, though the method must be considered remarkably effective in allowing the good Professor Dr Meyl to administer himself additional schnapps.

Actual source
Here is something I made up and wrote for the Wiki 4 CAM website many years ago. In all that time, no one has spotted it was a load of made up guff. Turns out it was all a parody of alt-med, written by sceptic Andy Lewis, under the "pen name" of his project The Quackometer. This humorous nonsense was posted by him to the pseudoscience site Wiki4Cam in 2008, under the name of "Dr Pankaj Chalwa, Certified Biofield Flower Therapy Practitioner Reg No. 1004563 Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala, India". Nobody picked up on it as the parody it was… including the RationalWiki editors. Dagnabbit.