User:Mogus

Mogus (born 30 February 2116) was a relatively unknown crankologist. Mogus specialized in the fields of crankology, especially pertaining to Cranks. Mogus's favorite food was a burger and his favorite color was blue. Mogus was known for (almost) assassinating good ol' bunker boy without using a gun, but then being beaten to death by Ted Cruz with a small-scale replica of Big Tex. He did come back to life momentarily (a lot like someone else) but then was assassinated by some creationist.

Early Years
Mogus was the firstborn of seven children. His father was called Amog and his mother was called Us, but his conception was due to a one-night stand that resulted in his mother leaving him in a dumpster after his birth. He was then raised by a couple of goats. The goats raised him well, sending him to Harvard when he was 5 years old. During his stay at "college", his goat parents would send him one of his siblings after finding them in the dumpster. Soon, all seven of them were together at a school. Unfortunately, after a crank's son imprinted on him, his family disowned him, as he believed they were going to cut open his head and eat his brains. After 17 years of psychotherapy, he decided to dedicate his life to the study of the ways of idiots, knowing them to be responsible for his life's upending.

He attempted to join RationalWiki but was turned down by the Grand Imperial Admin of RW at the auditions for abandoning his goat family. Ashamed, Mogus joined the military, knowing full well that the RW auditions only happened every century. At this point, he was 22.

Military Service
Mogus almost died while on his first operation in Iraq but was saved by Tom Cruise before he was killed by a sniper. This, unfortunately, led to Tom's untimely death, taking the bullet for Mogus. Although no one was sad about Cruise's death because they knew ol' TC would be back. Mogus felt severe survivor's guilt, but after 2 days it passed and Mogus quickly rose through the ranks. After becoming a general Mogus's base was attacked by DAESH and destroyed. Mogus was the sole survivor, and after such severe psychological trauma he resigned and went to psychotherapy again, this time for one day and he was cured. Mogus then decided that the ISIS idiots were too dangerous and decided to do something much safer, which he will come to regret. At this point, he was 45.

Crankology
Mogus then becomes a crankologist, but to start his business he needed help. Luckily, his brother Amog Jr. was able to help him as he was already a successful lawyer and had a net worth of $4 billion. With $1 million in seed money, Mogus was able to start a crankology service that consisted of him and his brother Amog. Their objective was to study and take down well-known cranks. Notable operations he was involved in included: Operation: Veracious Dictionary, where he and his crew made socks on Conservapedia and then crashed their servers before doxxing them and toilet-papering Andrew Schlafly's house and shaving his head while he was sleeping and then getting him fired before convincing him to become an Atheist; Operation: Street in da Hood where David Dees's art supplies were kidnapped and tossed into the top of La Palma; Operation: Famished Vixen where Glenn Beck was fired, and then made to publicly confess to his crimes in 1990.

However, around 50% of the 'Murica did not like Mogus's actions, and then when Mogus became a graffiti artist so that he could heal his ailing heart his thrown in jail for vandalism. He used the $100,000 dollars he had left to bail himself out, and then realized he was bankrupt, and when he turned to Amog Jr. for more money it turned out Amog Jr. had an affair and nobody wanted him as a lawyer anymore and he was fired which led to him becoming an alcoholic and blowing all his money on Dos Equis, pot, horse races, and directing Epic Movie under a pseudonym. But Mogus's luck was turning when he was funded and controlled by George Soros. After that, Mogus became the best crankologist in the known world, and his final operation, Operation: Nutritional Supplement, destroyed Alex Jones's career in an astounding affair that was plastered all over headlines that it requires its own wiki article, and it was all credited to... Amog Jr. Because Mogus knew the credit was rightfully his, he started screaming curses at Amog Jr. during his award ceremony for the Nobel Prize. This led to Mogus's resignation and/or firing, depending on whether you are a believer or not. At this point, he was 69. nice

First Death
Mogus then went insane because he was no longer a brilliant crankologist. After living in a ditch for 3 years he then attempted to assassinate Drumpf, because he knew that if Bunker Boy became president, things would never be the same again! Never mind that Mogus could've martyred him. Mogus decided to do it with a breadstick instead of a largely defensive weapon chiefly for the reason that it would A. be embarrassing, and B. make Mogus look less like a psychopath. But then Ted Cruz came along and beat his head in with a small Big Tex as soon as Mogus got within 30 feet of Washington DC.

Second Coming
After Mogus's funeral that only his brother, Amog Jr. attended, Mogus was cremated and his ashes were kept in a small jar used initially for baby food. But Amog Jr. used the ashes to fertilize his Azaleas, and the Azaleas absorbed the ashes and became Mogus. It would take a few weeks of being watered to grow into a suitable body, and when he began to walk and tried to talk with his brother, Amog Jr. thought he was an impostor.