Conservapedia:World History Lecture Four

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World History

Fourth Lecture – Ancient History

Instructor, Andy Schlafly

Roman Emperors
{{sbs|Tiberius ruled from A.D. 14-37, and thus was the emperor when Jesus was scourged (whipped) and crucified, barbaric treatment that was prohibited against Roman citizens. Tiberius had previously served a distinguished military career, and at first was a competent ruler extending the earlier policies of his stepfather Augustus. But increasingly Tiberius became paranoid, and ruled more and more like a tyrant. He oversaw many trials for treason and executions, and then left Rome itself in A.D. 26 to retire in Capri, where he was when Jesus was crucified.| Yes, Roman corporal and capital punishment was very barbaric, even for the standards of the Ancient World. But bear in mind that the Old Testament specifically Leviticus and Deuteronomy, proscribe all sorts of unpleasant punishments - usually being stoned to death - for ridiculous crimes. Cue Reverend Lovejoy from The Simpsons:

Rev. Lovejoy: "Get a divorce."

Marge: "But isn't that a sin?"

Rev. Lovejoy: "Marge, just about everything is a sin." (Picks up a Bible). "Have you ever actually sat down and read this thing? Technically, we're not even allowed to go to the bathroom."

And he's right! Leviticus 15:16-33 frowns upon ejaculation (specifically) and sexual intercourse (generally) (See here); and makes it all but impossible to go to the toilet, as we are required to sacrifice white doves and pray every time we have a piss. I'm no doctor, but I know that males are incapable of retaining semen indefinitely, and I don't really want to imagine what would happen if we stopped going to the toilet. So thanks, Judeao-Christian deity, for giving us bodies which require the expulsion of various fluids, calling it a sin, and then blaming us. Other fun things which are prohibited by the Bible include:
 * being gay (Lev 18:22, 20:13)
 * being black (Gen 9:25; see also The Curse of Ham}
 * getting a tattoo (Lev 19:27)
 * getting a haircut (Lev 19:28)
 * being from the Middle East (Deut 23:3-8)
 * talking to your parents (Deut 21:18-21)
 * not screaming loudly enough when being raped (Deut 22:23-29)
 * women wearing trousers (Deut 22.5)
 * wearing clothes made from two materials (Deut 22:11)

On a related note, the Bible gives the thumbs-up to:
 * slavery (Ex 21:2-21, Deut 15:16-17)
 * rape (Deut 22:23-29)
 * marital rape (Deut 24:5)
 * war crimes (Deut 20:13-21:14)
 * torture (Matt 18:23-35)
 * genocide (The Book of Joshua)

Charming.

Conservapedia, moreover, has an article on corporal punishment which is written in the manner of a lament that we can't beat people with sticks anymore. So compared to the Roman Empire, Andy doesn't exactly hold the moral high ground.}}