Template:Conservafakenews

Conservapedia sets a new record for visitors in June! According to our reliable statistics which are not available to you, every human being now living has accessed Conservapedia at least twelve times! Another victory for conservative values!

Americans everywhere are asking Kenyan anti-colonialist Obama, "Why do you hate white people?" Every day, his socialist stormtroopers that probably exist are banging on the doors of innocent whites, perhaps demanding their IDs and possibly confiscating their guns. Is this all in preparation for the race riots that might be brewing?

'Conservapedia's "Question! Evolution!"! campaign is heating up!' No fewer than four thousand Texas churches have now been contacted about the campaign and have pledged their support, we assure you, and thirteen YouTube atheists have discovered the error of their ways! Believe it! Honest!

'''Al Gore is desperately trying to link the oil spill with global warming. News flash, liberal: humans can't change one fragment of God's magnificent Creation in any permanent way.''' This liberal liar's attempts to distract people from the real damage caused by Obama's socialism won't fool anyone. We'll say it again, just like every other proud conservative is still saying: Drill, baby, drill!

The Conservapedia Richard Dawkins project is close to eliminating Richard Dawkins from the Internet of Britain, now that atheism has been destroyed in their recent election. With the triumph of the Conservative Party over the Labour Party in the biggest landslide that's ever occurred in May of 2010 in British elections, we can see that the God-fearing people of England have decided to expel Dawkins and his atheist thugs from the land. ''Maybe Obama will take note of this, and withdraw his lesbian nomination of the lesbian Elena Kagan. Lesbian.

Trend forecaster Gerald Celente is predicting that the "Second American Revolution" has begun. The same financial tumult happening in Greece will happen in America - and worldwide! Given his highly successful past predictions, you can be sure that Celente's new prediction of "tax protests" is certain to come true, as his prediction that lunch will occur sometime around before or after noon.

In regards to the Conservapedia Richard Dawkins Project, the Conservapedia Richard Dawkins Project has been officially launched on Conservapedia. The Conservapedia Richard Dawkins Project was launched on Conservapedia to significantly expand Conservapedia's current collection of material on the evolutionist and atheist Richard Dawkins. There does appear to be quite of bit of public interest in the Conservapedia article on Richard Dawkins as the Conservapedia article on Richard Dawkins contains factual material concerning Richard Dawkins that you will not find at Wikipedia, but will find on Conservapedia. Conservapedia Conservapedia Richard Dawkins Richard Dawkins Richard Dawkins Conservapedia.

Given the unspecified but massive success (we swear) of Conservapedia's campaign to spread its anti-evolution message across Canada, Conservapedia has decided to spread its anti-abortion message in Canada as well in exceedingly vague and unverifiable ways. Please stay tuned for further developments!

Valiant Christian judges are agreeing to put a stop to villainous invisible hands, to the surprise of vicious liberals who support unfettered competition among ideas.

The Supreme Court is about to allow banning the sale of unapproved, home-loaded ammunition. This terrible judicial activism is overriding the invisible hand of the free market and competition.

Conservapedia is currently exploring gaining a key editor for the Conservapedia Anti-abortion Project much like it did for its intelligent design article. Conservapedia has in mind a good friend of one of the Conservapedia administrators who is a history of being involved in the pro-life movement. A good general can certainly make a difference in various battles of the culture war and Conservapedia may soon have its George S. Patton for the Conservapedia Anti-abortion Project!

If you want to be a General Dwight D. Eisenhower or General Douglas MacArthur involved in the Conservapedia Anti-Abortion Project, sign up to be an Conservapedia editor and start editing! And of course, Conservapedia is also looking for a Joan of Arc and a Deborah for the Conservapedia Anti-abortion Project as well!

What do Obama, Hitler, and Stalin all have in common? They all were proponents of radical socialist agendas. Stalin was a communist; Hitler started the National Socialist Party which has the word "socialist" in it; and Obama is in profile with both of them.

'''Sorry, Al Gore! It looks like you were wrong again!' Mere years after the release of the propaganda movie An Inconvenient Truth'', which lied to the world about the age of the earth and promoted worship of Gaia, it's been winter not once, but several times! ''Every year it gets cold outside, and frozen water falls from the sky! Are we really supposed to believe the world is actually getting warmer!? 'Nice try! Go invent the Internet again or try to steal an election!'''

'A new Fox/Drudge/WorldNetDaily poll reveals that nearly 93% of Americans who read those sites oppose the radical liberal agenda of President Obama''! ''' These overwhelming numbers are a clear signal that time's almost up for the corrupt Democrat Party and their leader, Hitler!

It is the Easter Season, when we celebrate Jesus Christ, who died for our sins to redeem the world. In celebration, Conservapedia has almost completed its Conservative Bible Project, carefully eliminating the objectionable parts of the Holy Bible - which remains an inerrant source of absolute truth. Incidentally, your help in copyediting the inerrant source of absolute truth is welcome.

Jesus personally attacks liberal former President Bill Clinton; Clinton narrowly survives attack thanks to atheistic medical science. Loyal readers of Conservapedia already know that science pulls students away from the Bible and encourages atheism and homosexuality and lust. Jesus of Nazareth attacked philanderer Bill Clinton for his role in degenerating his former office and cigars, but liberal doctors from elitist medical schools (which are afraid of a best of the public approach) pulled him through. ''Why was Bill Clinton afraid to die and meet his Maker? Is it because he knew that he would be going to Hell, however much liberals seek to de-emphasize their fate? The mainstream media refuses to ask these questions!!!

A homeschooled child has been suspended from the Iowa public school where he spends one day a week, just for bringing harmless live ammunition to class!

Echoing Conservapedia, a non-partisan independent unaffiliated journalist recommends bombing Iran immediately. This completely uninterested and neutral genius states, "He needs a dramatic gesture to change the public perception of him as a light-weight, bumbling ideologue ... Obama [should] give orders for the U.S. military to destroy Iran’s nuclear-weapon capacity." 

Wiccans are officially recognized as the state religion of the Obama administration, replacing Islam. The Air Force Academy has put in a Wiccan prayer circle, violating the Constitution's command, "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." 

Barack Obama who has admitted to being black and who is probably a Muslim murderer, had the gall to lecture to Republican heroes like they were children, just because they were acting like children.  Perhaps Obama should remember the words of Scripture, which say, "As Jesus told them off, the scribes and Pharisees furiously interrogated Him about everything, plotting and seeking to quote Him for a politically incorrect remark to use against Him." (Luke 11:53-54)

'''It's cold outside. The myth of global warming is conclusively disproven by just stepping outside!''' Liberals don't like to admit it, but their pet theory of global "warming" has major cities covered in snow. They're so desperate, they're even writing lies about the weather in the southern hemisphere - as if anyone in Detroit believes it's hot there!

YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD JIHAD: How do you deal with a neighbor who believes he is obliged to kill you and sell your children into slavery? Read the Old Testament, a collection of books arguing that repression, cruelty, and fear are okay if you want someone else's land in Canaan.

The Writing and SAT Verbal Skills coarse begins. Feel free to participate - join many other students who are already participateing.

'''Glenn Beck debunks the silliness, deceptiveness, and hypocrisy of President Obama's State of the Union speech several hours before he's heard it. Prophecy!''' VIDEO

The State of the Union speech tonight was Obama's Waterloo! He's proposing raising the debt ceiling?! Conservatives know that true Christian patriots who were born in this country support defaulting on our debt instead. Expect the defeat of Obama at this Waterloo! Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war Waterloo - promise to love you for ever more Waterloo - couldn't escape if I wanted to Waterloo - knowing my fate is to be with you Waterloo - finally facing my waterloo...

Once again, the Kenyan Muslim Obama talks down to Kenyan Muslims as "you" rather than "we", and as "this nation" rather than "our nation": "The spirit that has sustained this nation for more than two centuries lives on in you, its people." Does Obama think of himself as a Kenyan Muslim like everyone else?

Absolutely nothing happened to James O'Keefe, the activist who went to a dozen ACORN offices and exposed their liberal corruption. And even if something did happen, it was probably because he was trying to investigate more Democratic corruption. But nothing happened. 

Women are fucking talking back again. An article in the Huffington Post on Jan. 25 reported that “a national coalition of women’s groups” that includes the National Organization for Women and the Feminist Majority is demanding that homeschoolers beat up guys who slap their wives around.

Massachusetts High School Girl Takes Life After Being Unmercifully Taunted by Liberal Cyber Bullies. School bullies unrelentingly taunted Phoebe Prince through text messages, the computer and on Facebook and other social networking sites. Police have determined that because these people were cruel, they must have been liberal. Also they were probably fags. 

Well, this is kind of embarrassing.  In a recent entry on the blog, Conservapedia, we accidentally reported a completely false news report about Obama using a teleprompter at a school speech, and neglected to ever correct ourselves. The topic of the speech: Never taking the easy way out by bringing a cheat sheet to school." Jay Leno's monologue Monday night

'''Health care will be Obama's Waterloo! So will the Massachusetts election! And his choice of beverage tonight!''' Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo Waterloo!

Christian evangelist Ray Comfort, who is an outspoken critic of bananas, is going to be interviewed by YouTube producer Shockofgod. Conservapedia has learned that Shockofgod is going to mention bananas in his Ray Comfort interview. Will Shockofgod bring up bananas in his Ray Comfort interview? Stay tuned!

A significant Pablo Picasso painting was damaged after a woman attending art class lost her balance, fell into "The Actor" and tore it, The Metropolitan Museum of Art said. Liberals were most likely involved in the crime, probably pushing the unfortunate woman over. Afterwards, the liberals probably stopped off at a Taco Bell and raped a horse. 

Conservapedia has learned that there will be a very important development occurring in the never-ending fight against atheism on the Internet! While we refuse to specify exactly what the fuck we're talking about, either now or in the future, you can totally take our word for it that this will likely be something awesome that will (and this time we guarantee 100%) likely give Conservapedia a top result on Google search. It will probably be like Avatar, only without the blue people and with more badly-edited YouTube videos. Stay tuned!

Liberal fascist Barack Obama has yet to nuke Iran! In a stunning omission, liberal liar Barack Obama has refused to launch America's full complement of nuclear arms against Iran! Commentators are at a loss to explain why he is being such a pussy.

A YouTube viewer commenting on a video series on Conservapedia's atheism article writes:"why r u writing about niggs lolol!" Why do we quote YouTube comments, again? They're all so damn racist.

Labor Union membership falls another 10% and their ability to influence elections and legislation is threatened. We don't live in godless Great Britain, but our cousin is half-Dutch and that's pretty much the same thing, and he said that this meant that true conservatives in England oppose liberal gun control! 

'''A Bookstore Located Next to Bailed-Out General Electric Gives Away 5 Thousand Coupons ... Where's the Outrage, Obama?'''

Ben & Jerry's and other liberal corporate big shots tell Democrats, 'Stop begging for money from us' to buy elections. Well, they were talking to Congress in general, but still: Democrats are in Congress. Just like murderers are liberal.

UN climate change expert: "There could be more errors in report." In what will probably be his last time trying to explain fallibility and the scientific method, the head of the IPCC admitted that people make mistakes. He should learn from Conservapedian values and take a lesson: if it's a mistake, then it was done by a liberal. You can never be wrong if you define your movement as always being right. 

Finally, the Collapse of the Liberal media? Fox News on last Tuesday's election night, had six-times the viewers as MSNBC, five-times the viewers as CNN and Bill O'Reilly actually beat the entire ABC prime-time schedule, across all demographics. And of course Air America the former home of the liberal liar and tax cheat Al Franken, called it quits for the final time, lacking both listeners and sponsors. And yet true conservatism is still being discriminated against and conservative media is still not "mainstream." Not until 100% of all broadcasts in any given medium are ideologically conservative will things ever be fair. VIDEO.

'Conservapedia'' returned after marching for life with 400,000 in D.C. Friday. "The crowds were much bigger than last year, when the estimate was 300,000." It was tough getting the Conservapedia''' server on the bus, but we did it.

Obama Seen as Anti-Business by 77% of U.S. Investors U.S. investors overwhelmingly see President Uppity Negro as anti-business and question his ability to manage a financial crisis, according to a Bloomberg survey. The global quarterly poll of investors and analysts who are Bloomberg subscribers finds out results which we assume apply to everyone, even if Bloomberg subscribers tend to trend towards a certain mid-level corporate demographic. 

"Shifty" Obama Shifts From One Ill-Defined Buzzword to Another, As He (Finally) Pushes Jobs in Ohio. White House officials are tinkering with a revamped Obama message and image in the face of a potentially disastrous political shift, away from socialism to fascism and possibly Unitarianism. Remember that a leopard cannot change its spots. 

When it comes to the implications of Republican Scott Brown 's win in Massachusetts, Obama is like a deer in the headlights!  Also, atheism is like a deer in the headlights! We don't have a whole lot of similes to work with, to be honest.

Someone mentioned Conservapedia on the Internet! There's no link and we refuse to provide you with even a screenshot, but we got an email about how a major news affiliate in Hungary mentioned us. We have absolute contempt for the liberal media, but not for those times they mention us. We must be legitimate now, right Momma?

 Air America, the radio network founded to be a progressive alternative to conservative talk radio, announced today that it is ceasing live programming operations immediately. The company, which cited a "very difficult economic environment," will file under Chapter 7 of the Bankruptcy Code, according to a statement on its Web site. '''No one wants to listen to liberal clap-trap anymore, now that most people have discovered what frauds they are. Just repeat back to us things we already agree with, and call it a day!'''

Newly sworn-in Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell will deliver the Republican Party's response to President Obama's State of the Union address Wednesday night, capitalizing on the momentum the party has earned from recent electoral gains. Hey, anyone remember what happened to that Bobby Jindal fellow?

 Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said Thursday that she lacks the votes to push the Senate's sweeping health care-overhaul bill, a potentially devastating blow to Obama's top domestic priority as long as you don't read the quote in context. 

Supreme Court Removes Limits on Corporate, Labor Donations to Campaigns. In a stunning reversal of the nation's federal campaign finance laws, the Supreme Court ruled Thursday that as an exercise of free speech, corporations, labor unions and other groups can directly spend on political campaigns. Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote the main 5-4 opinion, joined by his fellow Conservative Justices.  Kiss goodbye to the monopoly of the liberal media over elections, and hello to the monopoly monopoly (or Monopoly monopoly monopoly if there's any legislation that might affect Parker Brothers board games).

Muslims Angry Over U.S. 'Jesus' Rifles. The radical Council on American-Islamic Relations on Wednesday whined the continued use of sights with religious references stamped on them would send a negative message to the Muslim world. Leftists have taken their side. Markings on the Advanced Combat Optical Gunsight, which is standard issue to U.S. special operations forces, include "JN8:12," a reference to John 8:12: "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, 'I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life,'". The practice of putting Bible references on the sights began nearly 30 years ago. We say Onward, Christian Soldiers !