User:Antigem/sandbox/lampreys

Lampreys

Lampreys (innaccurately aka lamprey eels) are disgusting looking jawless fish of the order Petromyzontiformes. They resemble eels in appearance with an elongated snake-like body. Some species are parasitic with a mouthful of teeth giving them a look of something conceived in a mad scientist's laboratory.

Other than as a food source reputed to be meatier than other fish and simply occupying their niche in the food chain they have precious little value to humans. They don't make good pets(Footnote 1)lacking the reciprocation of affection in cats or dogs. They certainly don't have the cuteness factor to offer. They are not terribly interactive except with lampreys of their own species or the source of their parasitic attention. All attempts to domesticate lampreys as guards it other services animals have resoundingly failed.

Yet, the features of the lamprey do yield a time saving point in animal rights debates. In addition to trying to nail down which rights of the animal are to be debated there is a not a clear definition of which animals are to be debated about.

As a multi-celled heterotroph lampreys are firmly placed in the animal kingdom. Presumably somewhere between the instant "Squish it because it's just an icky bug" and "Oh, look at the cute puppy!". There's not even clear definition within lampreys as most people consider the parasitic varieties to be more disgusting than those content just to live off food reserves built up before maturity. On the ick scale probably ickier than a goldfish, but less icky (or at least more animal like) than a cockroach. But where exactly is entirely up to the perception of the person with the unlucky task of figuring out if lampreys are indeed an animal worthy of having some rights. A lot of time and effort can be saved by using lampreys as a midpoint to start the debate. Then once the pro animal rights side has clearly defined where they stand on lampreys they can work on listing the entire animal kingdom in order based on ickiness.