User:Shabidoo/Coffee

Coffee woo

Coffee in moderate doses make it possible to stay awake at work after a night of debouchery and may also have some small health benefits. In large amounts it can bring your blood pressure on the scale of an elephant and possibly do long term damage. Coffee is a pleasant drink with a couple neat advantages however it is not pixie dust no matter how alternative-medicine-spin-doctors try to market it.

Recently fair trade coffee has become the rage (meaning that the company claims farmers are not treated as cattle and are given enough money to rise just above the local poverty line). While this may be a sincere description for some companies it is certainly not universal. Your fair trade coffee could be outrageously unfair. ...

Coffee enthusiasts are also willing to spend an incredible amount of money in order to take the most exquisite pressing of hand picked and artesan roasted beans in an orgy of hot liquid delight. Taste tests show that a majority of drinkers cannot tell a coffee-chain's brew with that of uber-premium roast but the packaging is nice and some of it at least claims to be free-trade.

There is a general folk-knowledge that having lots of coffee isn't good for you...however the reason why people think so aren't the reason it likely is so. There is little evidence that caffeine is addictive. It does not up the possibility of any cancer and does not lead to chronic sleeping problems. Coffee won't dehydrate you (though useful nutrients and minerals can be flushed out with all the peeing that is bound to come). It doesn't lead to heart disease.

Bullet proof coffee
Why enjoy a hot cup of milky coffee when you can dump a spoon of butter in it? Don't have enough fat with your bacon and eggs? Add a dose of MTC. This will start you right in the day, by giving you energy and also teaches you how to control your gag reflexes. A friend of a friend of mine told me that Bullet Coffee gives him more energy, strengthens his weak heart, gets his fat burning mobilized and has cured his flatulence.

Coffee descriptors
Have you ever been served a square coffee? How about a pentagonal one? Surely, at least you've had what is described as a round coffee. Round coffees are always robust and permeating with boldness. Just when you thought you had identified all the notes of cyprus bark, madagascar root-ruts and a wisp of lilly-pollen will you find out how many more notes you are ignorant of.

Take the following brands:


 * 1) . Nespresso dolce
 * 2) . Folger's early morning
 * 3) . Nabob's classic
 * 4) . Illy's traditional roast
 * 5) . Tim Horton's bland watery brew

And guess which described each brew:


 * 1) . A daring nutty pick-me-upper
 * 2) . A silky plunge with fruity notes
 * 3) . Powerful aromatic body with hints of wood-notes and caramel
 * 4) . Intense roast with characteristics of cocoa-shell
 * 5) . A balanced blend of biscuity-boldness and a whimsical bouquet

If you answered any of the above, then you missed the point.

The coffee monster
Feel like starting a new trend? Why not revive "gout" by being the first person to get it on purpose by drinking coffee while tweeting your daily progress. A study possibly suggests it might happen so you're best to drink liters of it if you truly want gout.

Want to miss work tomorrow? Just have a coffee overdose? How you ask? Make several gallons of coffee and then fraq it until only the caffein remains. Gulp down all of the concentrated caffein and wait for the overdose to floor you. For those who don't want a caffein overdose...avoid coffee distilation laboratories and resist the temptation to down 25 coffees alternating with 25 redbull shots.