User:Rairyu75/sandbox/Elon Musk Rewrite



Elon Musk (born 1971) is a high-profile businessman, best known for his sexy electric vehicles and his plans to colonise Mars. While most CEOs of large companies are about as exciting as stale pieces of toast, Musk has succeeded in generating immense popularity and cultivating a massive fan base. Many have compared him to a real life Tony Stark, a visionary who leads innovation in the fields of space flight, renewable energy, AI and all sorts of other stuff that makes the nerds go weak at the knees.

However, if one strips away all the hype, the pyrotechnics and the stage lighting, a different sort of picture emerges. Musk is far from being the benevolent super genius he is made out to be. The things that come out of his mouth range from the cringe worthy (like making a Harambe rap song) to the outright malicious (like baselessly accusing a man of paedophilia) and everything in between.

He is also a mulit-billionaire who makes the employees in his factories work in unsafe environments and actively prevents them from unionising. Seems like you don't get into the list of top ten richest people in the world without trampling on some peasants in the process.

The Cool
More than a rich nerd who like sci-fi (although he certainly is that) Musk puts his money where his mouth is. He talks a big game about futuristic things such as cheap interplanetary flight and self driving electric cars, but he has been able to back up a lot of his hype with actual results. Some of the things his RD departments have developed over the last couple of years is truly cutting edge.

SpaceX


Started in 2002, SpaceX is a company that researches, develops, and manufactures spacecraft and (reusable) launch rockets. They have developed ( and tested it by putting a car in solar orbit, cause, why not?). Alongside Boeing, SpaceX enables NASA to send American astronauts into space on American rockets, from American soil, for the first time since the final Space Shuttle mission in 2011. The latter matters to people because, well, nationalism.

Tesla Motors
Founded in 2003 by Musk Martin Eberhard (who was shoved out by Musk) a company that designs and manufactures semi-automated electric cars.

SolarCity
Started in 2006, a company that manufactures and installs rooftop solar panels.

Hyperloop
Announced in 2013, an as-yet-unfeasible rapid transit method that is basically a maglev train inside a vacuum tube. Musk wants this to compete with conventional high-speed rail.

The Boring Company: started in 2016, a company intended to reduce the cost of boring tunnels. This could come in handy if the Hyperloop succeeds. In 2018, it was awarded a contract to provide an express train service from the O'Hare International Airport to downtown Chicago, scheduled to open in 2021. By September of the same year, however, nothing has been done, and the future of the project remains in doubt.

Neuralink
Started in 2016, a company intended to produce software and devices that can interface with the human brain.

The NOT Cool
Despite being a busy professional with a million things to do and a businessman with an understanding of the importance of good communication, Elon still finds time once in a while to tweet stupid shit.

Elon the "socialist"
By the way, I am actually a socialist. Just not the kind that shifts resources from most productive to least productive, pretending to do good, while actually causing harm. True socialism seeks greatest good for all.

Musk describes himself as a leftist, but rather than living up to that label, he twists the terminology in ways that make the label live up to him.

Covid-19 outbreak
Posted in early March. A few weeks later, several states announced lockdowns related to the outbreak.

The United States reported 29515 new cases on April 30th, 2020. Elon clearly doesn't appear to understand how statistics work.

Posted directly after a series of tweets praising the state of Texas for reopening parts of its economy, as well as a series of tweets that encouraged and slammed other states for not doing the same.

Bussinesman extraordinare
In 2019 Musk tweeted that the company may go private.

For whatever reason he did this, who knows, he broke the law as it was of a speculative nature. While the company wasn't destined to go private, the market took the tweet seriously and some investors lost millions in the speculation game. Investors initiated a law-suit which is still in the courts. Somehow Musk survived this colossally stupid move.

However clearly this wasn't enough. In 2020 while he was busy denying the serious nature of COVID-19, he also made a casual claim that his company was "over-valued".

This led to a huge drop in market value with himself losing billions in value. It is unlikely any of this will stop Musk making stupid pointless destructive comments in the future about the value or future of the company.

After his flagship company Tesla posted a massive loss it could be imagined that analysts would want to know why. Musk was busy telling everyone that things were fine when he said:

This briefly bummed out the investors and Tesla stock dropped 5% (about $3 billion).

Donald Trump
Musk was very critical of Donald Trump until Trump became President. Musk then changed his mind and joined Trump initiatives including a council of business advisors and a project to promote manufacturing in the US. Musk's attacks on the media's lies seemed in accord with Trump's complaints about fake news and were supported by the President's son Donald Trump Jr. He also supported Trump's campaign to shift global tariffs on car imports and exports to be more favorable to American car exports. He left Trump's Presidential council in June of 2017, citing Trump's withdrawal from the Paris Climate Agreement.

Losing his mind
A mixture of overwork, substance abuse, fame, gross insecurity has cracked his head. In recent months he has posted misguided, possibly illegal as well as frightening tweets. They include suggestions that Tesla would go private (without detailing sources of funds) and then backtracking the claim. Prosecutors have opened an investigation on possible financial fraud (as the shares in the company went up sharply after the announcement. His other tweets range from self aggrandizement to semi-misogynistic comments and worse. He admitted a reliance on stimulants and depressants to fulfill his work load and a few hours of shut eye. Two high level members of Tesla resigned after Elon openly smoked pot on a pod-cast with Joe Rogan. Musk suggested we live in a kind of real life Matrix, and his reasoning is humorously reminiscent of the logic used in Roko's basilisk:

""If you assume any rate of improvement at all, then games will be indistinguishable from reality, or civilization will end. One of those two things will occur," Musk said. "Therefore, we are most likely in a simulation, because we exist.""

- Elon Musk

You would see how cool I am, if you weren't such a pedo
Elon's most ghastly batshit-insanity is the accusation of a child-rescuing hero of being a paedophile. While several young soccer players were stuck in a cave, Musk flew to Thailand and tried to offer help however he could. Regardless of whether or not the suggestion that his mission to help out was nothing but a PR stunt, it seemed his help was rather useless and was getting in the way. A semi-professional spelunker, Vern Unsworth helped bring the trapped children to safety. He was critical of some of Elon's efforts to help including criticism of the feasibility of Elon's proposed amazing-cave-submarine-child-rescue-awesome-mobile. Unsworth risked his life to reach the boys, comfort the scared children and rescue them. As thanks for this he was accused of being a pedophile by Musk. Elon's petty hissy-fit in the form of a vague accusation of pedophilia didn't go away even after Elon deleted the tweet and gave a half-hearted retraction. A week later Elon sprayed a full out pedophile on social media...twice.

In September 2018, Unsworth filed suit for defamation, with Musk somehow winning, despite none of his accusations having a shred of truth to them - the Private Investigator hired by Musk having scammed him.