William Nelson



"Dr." William "Bill" C. Nelson, or, perhaps, "Professor" Nelson, was born June 19th 1951, precisely 2400 years after the birth of Confucius. In Pakistan he has been called "the Father of New Homeopathy". While working for the AC Electronics division of General Motors in 1970, Bill's mathematical genius single-handedly saved the Apollo 13 astronauts with just 15 minutes to spare. Soon after, Bill decided to be a pastor like his good friend and teacher Rev. Sinner [sic]. At the seminary, Bill was told that one day God would call him to service. When God spoke to Bill he said "I don't want you here. I want you to rewrite molecular biology." Not wishing to disobey, Bill embarked on the path to learn all about molecular biology. Ten years later in 1982, Bill finished his magnum opus, PROMORPHEUS, which was sent to the Library of Congress. Twenty years later it was "still the most technical and mathematical treatise on life process [sic] existing". "For this effort Dr. Nelson has been nominated for the Noble [sic] Prize every year since.

Inventor and reinventor
As well as being a prolific inventor, in 2002 Bill Nelson managed to reinvent himself in the persona Desiré Dubounet a 'singer', film-maker and LGBT activist Whilst being a self-confessed transvestite Bill/Desiré also claims that a (remarkably invasive) medical examination for Hungarian immigration revealed that he has ovaries.

Other involvements
The Shoo!Tag patent application at the US Patent & Trademark Office lists "DUBOUNET; DESIRE; (BUDAPEST, HU)" as one of the co-applicants with former homeopathic cream vendors Kathryn Heiney and Melissa Rogers.