User:Rationalzombie94/Chapter 1

Hey there RZ94. This will be a line by line comparison of how your chapter 1 should be written. Obv. you don't have to take all suggestions, but take all the grammatical ones.

The police left. Romney now had no clue as to his next course of action. Walking through the house he noticed that the coats and shoes were indeed gone. But the footprints in the snow led to the garage and not the sidewalk. This whole thing made no sense. Romney went to his neighbors house to ask if they saw anything. He knocked on the door of Franklin Marshall’s house.

Franklin opened the door and Romney asked,

“Franklin, have you seen my family”?

Confused, Franklin asked Romney,

“What are you talking about? I was over at your house two hours ago. I was fixing your broken water pipe. Then me and Timothy talked about last night's basketball game at Lansing Christian College. Our boys at the Community College beat them”.

Romney said with sheer panic in his voice,

“I cannot find them anywhere. They are gone and the cops told me something completely different”.

With a very heavy sigh Franklin said,

“Your husband and kids are playing outside in the yard right now. I don't know what the Hell you are talking about”.

With that Franklin shut the door. Romney saw the rotting lunch on the dining room table. Going back to the house Romney saw the three day old lunch. That was there for sure. He left everything in place in hopes of figuring this mystery out. Romney was now desperate. Everything contradicted each other.

Around 6:30 p.m. Romney heard some sort of murmur from the kitchen. At least it seemed like the kitchen. In the kitchen Romney heard the murmur again but it the noise now came from the laundry room. He went into the laundry room but the murmur now came from the den. This time Romney was not going to search for the murmur. The headache was not helping.

Back in the living room Romney collapsed onto the sofa. The intense agony robbed him of his energy. Waking up, Romney noticed that the murmur began to sound like a voice of sorts. It didn't sound human. He was not even sure if it was a voice.

Outside the sun rose. Romney had been up for a few hours but unsurprisingly there was still no sign of anybody. The neighbors just left for work. So he could not contact them. Romney was finally out of ideas. Then the murmur came back, moments later it became an articulated voice. This strange voice stated in an insulating manor,

“Your husband, your three girls and boy joined my family. How about you join us? We had some raw dog flesh for breakfast. Yummy”.

Now this was completely absurd. This all had to be one long, night terror. It was the most logical explanation. Yes, it made much more sense. Romney would just have to wake up. As for when he got off the couch, it was a dream within a dream. Not one piece of these events were real.

The voice came back, it was laughing. Romney told the voice,

“I am real. I only am manipulating your reality as part of my plan. That is all I will say about it”.

Romney laughed himself. That voice was not real. He was in a deep sleep. He grabbed a beer and switched the television to the news. The screen flickers until static was on. Nice.

The voice then said,

“Idiot, ignoring me will not make me leave. How about listening to your family”.

A symphony of voices filled Romney's head. It was the voices of Romney's family. The sense of relief was gone. Now panic was back. All the original feelings were back along with panic. Unnatural laughter was everywhere. Romney now was considering whether the voice was or was not paranormal in nature. Again the voice returned,

“Know what you are thinking Romney, and you are on the right track. I am paranormal. Keep guessing. Lets see if you can determine what I am”.

He went to his bedroom, Romney grabbed his crucifix and holy water. Was Romney going completely insane? Anybody's guess. Rushing downstairs Romney crossed himself. Then he shouted,

“Evil spirit! I may not be a priest like dad wanted but fuck it! The power of Christ compels you”!

Romney splashed holy water all over while waving his crucifix. The voice went silent for a moment. He was confident that the holy water was working. Romney shouted about Jesus again. The voice was annoyed,

“Um really? Are you really serious? Priests time and time again tried exorcisms. They don't work. It has been 400 years since last being annoyed by a human. Let alone someone who was not a priest. Okay, you can have your family back”.

Finally the nightmare was over. Everything in the house was back to normal. Timothy and the kids stepped out of the kitchen. Without warning Romney was tackled to the floor. The children were the first to sink their teeth into Romney's flesh. Timothy latched onto Romney's throat.

The last thing Romney thought was,

“Just a nightmare. Tomorrow little Gregory has a dentist appointment”.

The now cannibalistic family consumed a large amount of Romney's flesh. Moments later Romney stood up to join his family. They went out into the daylight seeking people to consume.