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Draft:Female Dating Strategy

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Female Dating Strategy (abbreviated as FDS) is a misandrist [1] [2][3] racist[4][5], ableist[6], anti-Semitic [citation needed], transphobic female-only online community that promotes hate against 'low value men', black people, and women that do not share their views. Some members will use the hashtag “#killallmen”.[7][8] The one sentence that best describes FDS is: the exact type of women incels think all women are. The community is mainly centered around the /r/FemaleDatingStrategy subreddit but also has its own website. The FDS community promotes what it calls "ruthless self-interest" for women: women should strive to be "high value women" who find value in their lives independently of men, including by pursuing their own careers and hobbies; conversely, women should also choose "high value men" who will treat them well over "low value men" who will not benefit them.[9][10][11] In practice, this turns into a cross between TERFs, separatists, femcels, and female supremacists.

The FDS community opposes certain views held by mainstream sex-positive liberal feminism that it sees as enabling male exploitation of women.[8] It holds that BDSM, polyamory, and sex work do not provide authentic sexual empowerment for women because they benefit men.[11] As such, the FDS community draws ideological influences from currents of thought in Trans-exclusionary radical feminism and the porn-critical side of the feminist sex warsWikipedia, while also reflecting some socially conservative ideas.[8]

FDS hates women who they consider to enable LVM. They are referred to by the epithet 'pickme' or 'pickmeisha', and are targets of harassment. They claim 'pickmes' are women that 'degrade themselves for the attention of men', but a quick look through the subreddit makes it clear that any women that doesn't share their extremist views are 'pickmes'. [12]

Some ideas advanced in the FDS community are controversial. Erin Taylor, writing for The Verge, states that the "sexual conservatism" of the FDS community means it "can become oppressive to women", "only [supports] certain women", and sometimes displays "whorephobic" views towards sex workers.[8] In addition to influences from sane but controversial facets of radical feminism, FDS is shows signs of the extremism and abrasiveness of the manosphere, an internet milieu filled with resentful ideologies related to dating and relationships, including MGTOW, incels, and the "red pill". Taylor states that FDS "shares some behaviors with traditionally male and radical relationship subreddits" and critiques FDS for objectifying the other gender. Taylor also points out that "FDS also had to actively phase out femcel language ... because it was scaring people away from their new ideology."[8][note 1]

FDS has also received praise from women who say it has helped them leave abusive relationships and set proper boundaries.[8]

Views on gender[edit]

Views on men[edit]

FDS classifies men based on the value they can bring to women, and ignore the fact that, you know, a man is a fucking person and doesn't only exist to serve you.

High value males are men who are highly attractive with 'big dick energy' (WTF?) and pays for 'all dates' and 'a relatively higher proportion of expenses in the relationship'. He would also allow the woman to cheat on him until marriage. [12]

Low value males are anyone who is not a high value man with 'small dick energy'. They are generally treated as garbage, dehumanized, and some advocate for the separatism from them. [12]

Negative value males or zero value males harm women by being toxic, controlling, or even abusive. However, this term generally extends to anyone who rejects or refuses to submit to them. [12]

Views on women[edit]

Views on transgender issues[edit]

Postings on the pedophilic [13] /r/AgainstHateSubreddits have criticized FDS for excluding MTF transgender people and for being a "TERF sub"[note 2] with many members apparently opposed to transgender identities on its moderation team.[8][14]

In 2020, a moderator posted this now deleted comment:

Scrotes are scrotes[note 3] sis we don’t care about their gender identity. We have to ban all males to keep this a safe space. Almost Everytime we ban a male they claim to be trans so they can circumvent our rule and since we can’t tell the difference they all have to go. Plus I’m not here for the TERF wars in the comments. We rock with bio women regardless of their personal or political beliefs because this is not a political sub but the TRAs[note 4] always come in here causing problems. [15]

In 2021, a moderator indicated that FDS opposes transphobia:

I'd like to take this opportunity to set the standard that Female Dating Strategy is opposed to racism, homophobia, transphobia, and any other form of oppressive speech. ... Lastly, FDS is not Gender Critical. We are not Pink Pill Feminism or Black Pill Feminism. Any transphobia or trolling meant to incite transphobia will be removed.[16]

FDS critique of liberal feminism[edit]



Extremism and allegations of extremism[edit]


  1. Femcel refers to the female version of the incel, or involuntary celibate, community.
  2. Trans exclusionary radical feminism, a pejorative term referring to radical feminists who oppose transgender gender identities. Such feminists generally self-identify as gender-critical feminists and see TERF as a slur.
  3. A pejorative term for contemptible men.
  4. Trans rights activists, by parallelism with men's rights activists; seen as pejorative when abbreviated as TRA.


  8. 8.0 8.1 8.2 8.3 8.4 8.5 8.6 Taylor, Erin (February 14, 2020). "Reddit’s Female Dating Strategy offers women advice — and a strict rulebook for how to act". The Verge. 
  9. Scott, Kellie (October 7, 2020). "Reddit's Female Dating Strategy turns love into a game. Does it work?". Australian Broadcasting Corporation. 
  10. u/AverageToHot (2020). "Our ideology".  Archived on 12 February, 2021.
  11. 11.0 11.1 Lumenia, Astria (March 1, 2020). "SeXuAl eMpOwErmeNt, and why FDS does not support BDSM, Abuse Kink, and Performative Sexuality". The Real Female Dating Strategy LLC. 
  12. 12.0 12.1 12.2 12.3 Cite error: Invalid <ref> tag; no text was provided for refs named FDSwiki
  14. u/jobhuntthrowaway2020 (Febuary 8, 2020). "Reminder: /r/FemaleDatingStrategy is a TERF sub". 
  15. Comment archived by Removeddit
  16. Message by FDS moderator


External links[edit]

  1. r/femaledatingstrategy (N/A). "glossaryofterms".