Draft:Tom Brady

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Tom Brady in 2018
Potentially edible!
Food woo
Fabulous food!
Delectable diets!
Bodacious bods!

Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. is a quarterback for the New England Patriots. In addition to his success on the football field that has won him many fans and haters (but mostly haters), he is known for his woo-pushing under the "TB12" brand. During the season of 2016, Brady's performance in the Super Bowl led to the final break-down in the general resistance to acknowledgement that Tom Brady has been the best at the quarterback position in the NFL. This is of particular significance on this wiki as he has been hailed as the G.O.A.T, or greatest of all time.[1] He is currently the only quarterback to have won more than four NFL Championships, totaling six, so far. The last one, in the 2018 season he won at age 41, which is also a record. How did he manage to win three of four Super Bowls between 2014 and 2019? A difficult question.

Football career[edit]

Brady played college football at the University of Michigan, where he won the National Championship. Despite this, he didn't get drafted until the Patriots picked him with the 199th pick. He fought to stay on the team until 2001, when starting QB Drew Bledsoe got knocked out for the season after hit from New York Jets player Mo Lewis. Brady filled in for Bledsoe for the rest of the season, which ended in the Patriots' first Super Bowl ever (XXXVI). He followed that up with two more Super Bowls in 2003 and 2004 (XXXVIII and XXXIX). Note that he won these Super Bowls without the "help" of the TB12 method, when his age was between 24 and 27. After this, he didn't win any more Super Bowls until 2015 (XLIX), though he came within 1 game 1 David Tyree helmet catch of the first NFL perfect season since the Miami Dolphins' Super Bowl VII win in the 1970s. (...)

The TB12 Method[edit]

Brady credits his success and longevity to a cult fitness and nutrition program he calls the "TB12 Method". Brady developed the TB12 Method with Alex Guerrero, who has gotten in trouble with the FDA for promoting products that he claimed cured cancer and concussions. People who wish to try the Method will see that it consists mainly of purchasing TB12-branded foam rollers, resistance bands, and other exercise equipment to boost "pliability". Despite the fact that there is little to no scientific evidence for the vast majority of the claims associated with it, Brady and Guerrero have gotten many suckers customers to buy in, because of Brady's on-field success. This understandably made Patriots head coach Bill Belichick mad, because of Guerrero's undermining of team fitness staff. Also, one Patriot who follows the TB12 method, Julian Edelman, got suspended 4 games[2] for using performance-enhancing drugs. Just saying.

Favorite foods[edit]

  • Avocado ice cream
  • TB12 Performance Meals
  • Water with TB12 electrolytes ("to protect against sunburns")
  • DEFINITELY NOT tomatoes


  1. http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/18628154/tom-brady-goat-super-bowl-li-nfl-2017-new-england-patriots
  2. Cue Deflategate joke