Essay:John Gabriel

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Yes, my feeble Jew, and your point in this comment? I see, you don't have one, yes?
—John Gabriel, on the feebleness of Jews[1]

John Gabriel, a computer programmer and mathematics educator, believes he is responsible for the first and only rigorous version of calculus, which he calls "the New Calculus".[2]

A man of modesty, Gabriel openly implores the public on his green ink website that he should be nominated for the Abel Prize in mathematics already.[3]

Unfortunately, he does not seem to understand the concepts of a limit, an innumerable set, and irrational numbers,[4] which one learns about in an introductory course on real analysis. Before dissecting and criticizing the mathematical ideas of John Gabriel, some background information is in order.

For whatever reason, Gabriel sometimes decides to write about himself in the third person.[5]

His debating tone is — unironically, no less — near-identical to that of Newman from Seinfeld.[6][7]

Exemplifying Gabriel's educational method of pedagogy-through-abuse is The New Calculus derivative for absolute morons — a video intended to introduce people to his brilliant New Calculus. For just over the first two minutes of the video (a fifth of its total length), Gabriel calls nonbelievers people who don't get what he's driving at either "stupid" or "moron" at a rate of once every 13.5 seconds, on average.[8][note 1] These same two words ("stupid" and "moron") also feature four times in the video title and description alone.

A brief history of calculus[edit]

On the validity of Gabriel's claims[edit]

As I predicted, all we have are stretched anuses - very red, swollen and hurting.
—John Gabriel, proud theorist and mature adult[6]

John Gabriel and RationalWiki[edit]

These people don't deserve to live, in my opinion. I hate them with a perfect hatred.
—John Gabriel, on the people who frequent RationalWiki[9]

Concluding remarks[edit]

Gabriel has Jewish ancestry but the majority of you are nothing but idiotic Goyim.
—John Gabriel (writing in the third person), on the idiocy of being the wrong race[5]


  1. 135 (seconds) / 10 (stupid/moron) = 13.5 (seconds per 1 stupid/moron)