France

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"It's French!" — "So is eating frogs, cruelty to geese, and urinating in the street, but that's no reason to inflict it on the rest of us."
Blackadder the Third

France, officially known as the (Fifth) French Republic, is a country in western Europe. The country is known for its national language, French, French food (cheese, bread, snails, horse, frog's legs, Sodexo, Danone (or Dannon if you are a yank), and of course chocolate, can't forget the chocolate), French houses, French cars, French wine, French maids, and other French stuff. They drive on the right side of the road. They also have mimes, for no readily apparent reason, and they have yet to heed the call of British author Terry Pratchett to "learn the bloody words."

French citizens enjoy universal health care,[note 1] and free or subsidized education. France has (relatively) high incidence of atheists, and a tendency to be a founding member of things such as the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), the European Union and the United Nations. They also like to pretend to be "above" all that racial nonsense, but racism is still a daily part of the world.

France is also a major proponent of the Enlightenment, whose ideals include the separation of church and state.

France at war[edit]

Before the mid-18th century[edit]

Nothing of interest occurred in the first millennium or so post Charlemagne. Apart from the Crusades, the Hundred Years' War, the Thirty Years War, the Seven Years' War, the Black Plague, the development of universities, etc. The French in the 1500s had begun their colonization efforts of North America, but the road they took would be very different from the other colonial empires. In general the French didn't subjugate the indigenous peoples of North America so much as they worked with them, since the Fur TradeWikipedia's W.svg was a very profitable endeavor, and the French were far more courteous and respectful of their Native American allies than the other colonial powers of the time. It's telling that PontiacWikipedia's W.svg revolted in the first place not to kick the Europeans out of North America entirely, but to bring the French back as a colonial power after the French and Indian WarWikipedia's W.svg. Pontiac even flew a French flag in his village on the eve of revolt, and there is some evidence that Pontiac's War was begun as an effort by the Native Americans to stir up the French into returning and helping their long time allies again, and it is known for a fact that some of the French did support the war, and even provided aid, although it should be stressed that the war was initiated and conducted almost entirely by Native Americans without French backing.[1]

Seven Years' War and American Revolution[edit]

The Seven Years War, also called The French and Indian War in the United States, was a rather complicated war. It began in 1754 as British and French colonists, along with Indian allies on both sides, began fighting in what's now western Pennsylvania. Then it escalated as the British began attacking French colonies in Quebec and Nova Scotia. However, the war officially began in 1756 when Austria and Prussia (a small but important German kingdom largely spanning what is now eastern Germany and northern Poland) renewed a previous war over a slab of land called Silesia, in what's now Poland. At this point it exploded into what is sometimes considered the "first world war" as it was fought all over the globe. In the war, the British, relying heavily on their powerful navy, successfully seized French colonies in North America and India while bankrolling Frederick the Great of Prussia as he fought against an alliance of Austria, France, Russia, and Sweden- all at the same time. In the end, Britain and Prussia won.

Arguably, France's main mistake (apart from having a much smaller population in the New World- just over a quarter what the British had) was picking the wrong Indians; they allied with Hurons and Algonquins against the region's mohawk wearing badasses, the Iroquois. The Iroquois then allied with Britain and fought well against both France and America for a century or so; of course this did not prevent the British from shafting the Iroquois later. The second major mistake France made was they largely abandoned their colonists in North America in order to focus on fighting in Europe. The issue here was the the King of Great Britain (George II for most of the war) also happened to be the ruler of Hanover, a fairly important state in northern Germany. The French hoped that if they could capture Hanover, they would be in a better position when the treaty ending the war was being negotiated[note 2]. While French forces were initially successful and almost totally occupied Hanover, Hanover basically hired a competent general from Prussia to lead their army, and he successfully pushed out the French forces until all countries involved were broke and exhausted. The French showed up to the treaty negotiations with practically nothing to offer.

France lost virtually every colony they had in North America. Quebec and Cape Breton Island were permanently given over to Britain. France then handed over the rights to the Louisiana Territory (now present-day state of Lousiana and other American states) to Spain, an ally of the French, as compensation for Spain trading Florida to Britain for Cuba and a player to be named later. France then supported the American Revolution on the side of the United States. Unfortunately, this nearly bankrupted the country and was one of the major factors contributing to the French Revolution. It didn't help that the Americans abandoned their allies during the peace talks, meaning France got almost nothing[note 3] for saving the Continentals' asses and supplying most of their war materiel....

Revolutionary and Napoleonic Wars[edit]

After helping the Americans win their independence, France faced its own issues with revolution. The cost of the previous few wars had left the French government practically bankrupt. French society was split into three groups- the wealthy aristocracy, the wealthy Catholic priests, and then everyone else. The poor "Third Estate" as it was called, fed up with being the only ones shouldering the tax burden as wealthy elites continued to mismanage the economy while cavorting in their fancy wigs, finally copied their former American friends and rebelled. And ho boy, did it not go well. Radicals quickly wound up taking control and just started killing anyone who even looked like they might be considering possibly thinking about not supporting the revolution- including the king and most of the nobles who didn't flee the country fast enough. With other countries seeing the chaos and not wanting their own people to get any crazy ideas, France's neighbors started declaring war against her.

And this is where France started to regain a bit of a reputation for being a military powerhouse. The new French Revolutionary Army had a rough start, but eventually did surprisingly well in the wars, thanks to a combination of factors, such as that officers started gaining higher ranks based more on merit than on having the right parents; mass conscription leading to ever larger armies than before; and the occasional dose of ineptitude from enemy commanders. The Republic even managed to spread their revolution to the Netherlands and Switzerland. The radical politicians started killing each other, leaving somewhat level-headed politicians in charge. However, the unstable republic was not to last, as a brilliant military officer named Napoleon Bonaparte rose quickly through the ranks, gathered support in the government, and had himself made First Consul (basically a military dictator), and then Emperor of the newly christened French Empire.

The wars continued, but Napoleon happened to be much smarter, at least militarily, than the crusty old kings and emperors and dukes who opposed him. He defeated five of the seven Coalitions, and expanded French borders down through Spain and up to the edge of Russia (with a German bit in the middle that didn't become a vassal, or did but only briefly and unenthusiastically). Napoleon managed something that had been unknown prior to his time - he got Prussia, Austria, England, Russia, and Spain to all agree on something: namely, trying to stop him. However, he made two critical mistakes- first, he betrayed and occupied his ally Spain, which caused a nasty guerrilla war[note 4] that cost Napoleon dearly- it became known informally as his "Spanish Ulcer". Second, he made the classic blunder of fighting a land war in Asia- specifically, Russia. After a trade dispute didn't go his way, he invaded Russia with one of the largest armies in human history. After the Russians lost a few battles, they chose to simply not fight, burn their farms to prevent Napoleon from using them, and let starvation, disease, and the harsh winter take their tolls on Napoleon's army- which actually worked. When Napoleon was forced to limp home with his shattered army having suffered about 90% casualties, everyone else jumped at the opportunity to finally beat him. And they did.

Napoleon part 2: Electric Boogaloo[edit]

After Napoleon was finally ousted, the old French royal family was brought back[note 5]. But they still sucked, and the people more or less split into three loose groups- the reactionaries who supported the absolutist monarchy; those who missed the "good old days" of Napoleon and his particular style of constitutional monarchy; and those who wanted a republic. The third group, sometimes with support from the second, would occasionally revolt against the kings during the 1830s, including a revolt in 1830 which successfully caused the reigning king to abdicate (his slightly better brother became the new king), and that failed revolt from Les Miserables. In 1848 there was a much larger revolt during the so-called "Spring of Nations" where revolts happened all over Europe, and the old monarchy was finally overthrown for good. The newest republic had as its president a guy named Louis-Napoleon Bonaparte, nephew of that other Napoleon guy. In 1851 he engineered the transformation of the republic into a second empire, with himself as Emperor Napoleon III [note 6]

While Napoleon III was, like his uncle, pretty warlike, he was smart enough not to piss off everyone in Europe at the same time. He kick-started France's drive to colonize huge chunks of Africa and Asia [note 7]. He also was instrumental in starting the Crimean War, which was basically dress rehearsal for the hideously gory wars of the next few decades. He even invaded and occupied Mexico while the US was busy fighting itself, installing the Austrian emperor's younger brother as a puppet emperor under his control[note 8]. However, the "good times" were not to last, and as the French economy started to stagnate and his popularity (and health) started to sink, he rashly let himself get sucked into a war with what was about to become Germany- and lost spectacularly. Napoleon III personally led his army (even though he did not share his uncle's talent for such), and in the climactic battle of the Franco-Prussian War at Sedan, he was personally captured along with some of his top generals and practically the entire French army. The un-captured part of his government was quick to announce that he wasn't emperor anymore but also refused to end the war, and in the resulting chaos (and partial German occupation), Paris briefly became a semi-Communist city-state called the "Paris Commune". France ultimately did surrender and became a republic again- and this republic would last until World War II.

World War I[edit]

For France, World War I was essentially a reboot of the Franco-Prussian War, but bigger. The Germans were at war with France and Russia at the same time; knowing that Russia would take longer to get most of their armies ready to fight, the Germans intended to quickly invade France through Belgium (as the Franco-German border had been heavily fortified- on both sides- after the Franco-Prussian War) and knock the French out of the war before Russia could intervene. The German invasion was very successful until the French scored a surprise victory at the miracle of the MarneWikipedia's W.svg, not only stopping the Germans in their tracks but causing them to retreat briefly. The Western Front- which was essentially northeastern France- famously bogged down into the horrors of trench warfare. Fun new inventions like machine guns, airplanes, poison gas, and barbed wire made the war shockingly lethal- in some battles, tens of thousands of soldiers would die daily, as they made senseless frontal assaults to claim tiny slivers of land. French morale sank as casualties steadily rose from the seemingly pointless slaughter until by the end of 1917, some French soldiers began refusing to participate in the assaults- these mutinies were not widespread and were swiftly dealt with by French commanders, but it was clear that things needed to change. However, things were not going well for the Germans either- despite Russia going through some stuff and then some more stuff in 1917, effectively knocking them out of the war. In early 1918, with the arrival of large numbers of fresh American soldiers, the final major German offensive was stopped and the Allies were able to go on the offensive. By November 1918, with their armies almost totally pushed out of France (but still technically in France, which would lead to the stab-in-the-back legend), and with a revolution breaking out back home, the Germans finally surrendered, ending the "war to end all wars".

There's something to be said about a war from which what was up to that point the most consistently martial country in the history of Europe (possibly in the world) came out more pacifist. During the Battle of Belleau Wood, the Americans had to fight through the retreating French to get to the Germans. As the Marines were fighting their way through the retreating French, one of the French commanders asked Marine Captain Lloyd Williams why he wasn't retreating. In response, the Marine replied, "Retreat, Hell! We just got here!"[2][3][4] [note 9]

World War II[edit]

With the horrors of World War I still fairly fresh in mind, the French were not overly eager to get into yet another war with Germany. World War II officially began in September 1939 but France did not really begin fighting until May 1940- because Germany invaded. The French expected a rehash of World War I- Germany invading through Belgium and trying to capture Paris. So they continued fortifying the border with Germany, and set up their best armies to guard the border with Belgium (despite Belgium not being particularly happy with being France's meat shield). The French did not believe that German tanks would be able to drive through the Ardennes, a large forest straddling the border between Belgium and France. They were wrong. The Germans pushed through Belgium much faster than they had in World War I, achieved air superiority, and completely encircled and destroyed those French armies guarding the Belgian border. Despite losing most of their high quality military forces so quickly, the French persisted and desperately tried to engineer another Marne-style victory to blunt the German advance, but none materialized. The French government fled Paris as the Germans invaded it, and then surrendered soon after. Just before the French surrender, Mussolini's Italy courageously invaded southern France, in the hopes that they'd get a seat at the table when negotiations began.

France then spent the next few years effectively out of the war. Most of France was directly occupied by the German military; a large portion of southeastern France was run by a semi-independent pro-Nazi government officially called the "French State" but informally called "Vichy France", after its capital city of Vichy. In late 1942, with Allied forces pushing Italian and German forces out of North Africa, the Germans occupied Vichy France, ending its "independence" (the Vichy government still existed, but was virtually powerless). Anti-Nazi resistance continued throughout the war, however, as Free French forces commanded by Charles De Gaulle, and other movements like the MaquisWikipedia's W.svg continued fighting a guerrilla war against both the occupation and the Vichy regime, and lent valuable assistance to the Allies during the liberation of France in the second half of 1944.

With the war's end, France was included as one of the victorious Allied Powers. France was one of the four countries that participated in the post-war division and occupation of Germany; the French, British, and American sectors would eventually merge to become West Germany, a western-style capitalist republic (the Soviet sector would go down a different path...). France also is a founding member of the United Nations, is one of the five permanent members of the UN Security Council (meaning they have veto power over Security Council actions), and was one of the founding members of NATO (although France partially withdrew from NATO between 1966 and 2009).

Algeria[edit]

Post WWII, France formed the French Fourth Republic, during which time France's African colonies decided they wanted to be treated as if they were actually humans, the ingrates. The inability of France to hold onto Algeria in particular led to the collapse of the fourth republic, and De Gaulle came out of retirement. In spite of this, France did see large amounts of economic growth and the addition of various public programs.

Vietnam[edit]

This country was once part of French Indochina, which also included Laos and Cambodia. After two protracted and costly wars — the first was fought against French recolonization and the second was an internationalized civil war fought between the Communists and their opponents — it fell to the Red menace completely in 1975. Today, the Socialist Republic of Vietnam has mended ties with her former foes. And returned all the prisoners of war, goddamn it! Stop feeding that ridiculous conspiracy theory.

Persuasion[edit]

Most modern forms of torture were developed by the French in Indo-China (Paola Condor) and Algeria (Philippeville), where their soldiers proved their mettle at fighting opponents tied to a chair, although faring less well against those running around shooting back.

Naval accomplishments[edit]

In 1985 French agents sank Greenpeace's ship Rainbow Warrior in Auckland, New Zealand where it was waiting for other ships and boats prior to sailing to Mururoa Atoll in the Pacific to protest French nuclear tests. One man was killed.[5] One cannot say that the activist group did not deserve such a punishment. This naval victory represents more ships sunk by the French than at Trafalgar, the Nile, Quiberon Bay, Saint's Passage, Chesapeake Bay, Vigo, Glorious First of June, Finistère, Ushant (First and Second), La Hogue, and WWII - combined... unless you count French ships sunk by their own men during WWII.

Iraq war[edit]

To the disappointment of many Republicans, France strongly opposed Bush's 2003 invasion of Iraq from the start. Like Germany, France did not send troops to Iraq.

Because of this snub, American right wing extremists didn't like France for a time and renamed french fries "freedom fries" on the Congressional cafeteria menu in retaliation (That'll teach 'em!). Many private establishments followed suit, some maintaining the charade until late 2008. In reality, the Congressional cafeteria was run by Restaurant Associates, a British company that likely was seizing the opportunity to attack its nation's long-time rival, but this ludicrous affair ended years later when a Republican led Congress replaced the Brits with a French contractor.

The most well-known and lasting instance was the curious hack demonstrated by entering "French military victories" into Google - it would then ask if you meant "French military defeats". Unlike other so-called Google Bombs such as "miserable failure", this has lasted, and can still work from most versions of Google.[note 10]

French language[edit]

France has laws to maintain the "purity of the French language", and indeed French is mandated by the French constitution as the nation's official language.[6][7] Moreover, a long-established Academy devotes itself to keeping the mother tongue free of such foreign invasions as: "Web," "CD," and "ROM." French people, however, use "Web", "CD" and "ROM" – and even "Coke" – with an attitude of "I fart in your general direction" to the Academy.

Many parts of France, however, originally had different native languages. These are not allowed to be spoken by teachers in French public schools (which is remarkable in a nation that prides itself on its freedom) and many of these tongues have died out or are dying out. Other native languages in France include:

  • BretonWikipedia's W.svg - Most ironic, since the French are inordinately proud of their Celtic heritage and this is the only Celtic language still spoken in France
  • OccitanWikipedia's W.svg - They just can't stand that a Latin language would asiprate the "h"
  • CatalanWikipedia's W.svg - Probably jealous because it's spoken more in Spain than France
  • DutchWikipedia's W.svg - Eww, a Germanic language!
  • GermanWikipedia's W.svg - Double eww, a language even closer to High German!
  • CorsicanWikipedia's W.svg - Come on, just because you're an island closer to Italy and with historic ties to Italy doesn't mean you aren't Frenchmen!
  • CreoleWikipedia's W.svg - We no savvy pidgins and creoles. No can do.
  • BasqueWikipedia's W.svg - It's hard to get away with calling an isolate a "dialect" of French

Corsicans are especially offended by mandatory French and insisted on Corsican road signs; which they got, but bilingual with the original native Corsican names in italics to emphasize their unofficialness.

French traits[edit]

French women (and to a large extent, men) have a terrific sense of fashion, which explains why many fashion houses have grown and prospered there.

Perfume is a very French thing. Any rumours that this is because they hate to immerse their bodies in water is a vile canard.

Racism[edit]

France denies that races exist. No reference to race ever takes places in the public debate and there's no definition of race in any law. When someone wants to speak about black and Arabic French, he usually uses sentences like "French originated from immigration" or "Muslims" if he's a politician, "those people" if he's an everyday racist. This world view is completely scientifically accurate but can cause a lot of cultural misunderstandings with some other countries where identity politics is the norm, as can be seen in a recent dispute between a South African comedian in the U.S., Trevor Noah, and the French Ambassador to that same country, Gérard Araud.[8]

The idea of having to put one's race on a census is totally alien to the French, and the government does not maintain any statistics regarding the racial or religious makeup of the population. Some events made them a bit reluctant to do so. This renders very difficult any try at affirmative action.

This doesn't prevent France, as stated above, from having pesky little skirmishes pop up in the banlieues.[note 11]

Sexuality[edit]

If their voters are this hawt...

French tend to be quite open-minded about their fellow countrymen's sexuality. François Mitterand served 14 years as a president, from 1981 to 1995, while sustaining two families (on state money), without the media ever finding the fact noteworthy. Nobody except the extreme Christian right much cared when the mayor of Paris turned out to be homosexual.[note 12] And the fuss about now-former president Nicolas Sarkozy divorcing and marrying a model was more due to the bride being incredibly hot famous. His successor, Francois Hollande, also divorced his wife while campaigning and quickly replaced his girlfriend with a mistress while in office to considerable ridicule in the American media but hardly a mention in the French press. Reportedly, French president Félix FaureWikipedia's W.svg (1895-99) died while getting head from his lover, Marguerite Steinheil, in the Élysée Palace; instead of being vilified, he became the butt (no pun intended!) of countless jokes and puns.

A lot of the male politicians have been known for their womanizing ways, and the news were met with reactions ranging from polite ignorance (in the case of them requiring all inclusive accommodations) to pride and admiration (in the case of them being known seducers). Of course, when IMFWikipedia's W.svg president Dominique Strauss-Kahn, known to be in the second category, was arrested for sexual assault in New York, that amounted to a kick in the collective unconscious groin of the French by the US. This may be just an honest cultural difference and is not that serious. In any case, he was not found guilty.

Despite this sexual openness, France still didn't act on gay marriage until Spring 2013, only allowing civil unions until then that lack sorely in terms of inheritance or protection of the surviving spouse. In May 2012, newly elected president François Hollande included the legalization of same-sex marriage in his list of legislative priorities.[9] This was passed the next year along with gay adoption, despite some of the biggest protests seen there in recent years (which is saying something).[10]

French exports and inventions[edit]

A French Navy Rafale landing on the USS Theodore Roosevelt.

France is the largest producer, consumer and exporter of wine in the world by volume and value. While some wine snobs claim that the only good wine is French, this is a less popular view today even within France. France is also known to make some mass-produced wine of such staggering mediocrity that even wine consumption by the French themselves has been falling in recent decades. Instead it is regularly distilled into industrial alcohol—so saying the saying that "This wine is only good for stripping paint" now has a certain truth behind it.

A Frenchman invented canned food. An Englishman invented the can opener.

French revolutionaries also invented the Metric system, which was why the meter was originally defined as one ten-millionth of the distance between the north pole and the equator on a line running through Paris.

No, French fries weren't invented there (that was Belgium). Nor croissants (Austria), nor the French horn (Germany), nor French kissing. They also did not invent the largely defensive weapon of guillotine, although they were the last to use it in 1977.[11]

In service with the French Air Force and Navy, the Dassault Rafale delta-winged jet fighter is at present one of the most advanced and versatile warplanes ever designed. True to its designation as an "omnirole" aircraft, it is capable of air superiority, deep interdiction, bombing, close air support, anti-shipping, aerial reconnaissance, and nuclear deterrent missions. It has been exported to Qatar, Egypt, and India, but its formidable price limited the number of sales. Remarkably, France originally joined a multinational project involving the United Kingdom, Germany, Italy and Spain to develop the Eurofighter Typhoon, but dropped out over various disagreements and pursued the Rafale on its own instead.

Nuclear energy[edit]

France conducted its last nuclear weapon test in 1996.[12] France maintains her own nuclear weapons and a independent nuclear policy. France reserves the right to retaliate against an attack on French soil with nuclear strikes, but she has never actually used her nuclear arsenal in anger, primarily because the attitude of non works spectacularly poorly against the Evil Empire Soviet Union, an enemy with nuclear stockpiles ten times your size and a truly alarming number of disposable cities. However, France's peacetime use of nuclear power is extensive: a massive 75% of its electricity is nuclear in origin.[13] Unlike neighboring Germany, there is hardly any debate regarding the merits of nuclear energy. It also has the only nuclear-powered aircraft carrier in Western Europe, the Charles de Gaulle. She will likely continue to hold this distinction for decades to come, since the United Kingdom's Queen Elizabeth II-class aircraft carriers are running on diesel. Like the UK, however, France operates nuclear-powered attack (Rubis-class) and ballistic missile submarines (Triomphant-class).

French politics[edit]

On the whole an average French politician may seem more liberal than their average American counterpart. Even if that's debatable, it's clear that some subjects are almost unheard-of in politics. For most French, seeing an American presidential candidate saying that he's anti-abortion or pandering overtly to a religious group is pure and simple madness. In the same bag, the French don't understand the discussion about creationism and the separation of church and state.[citation needed] French secularism dates to the third Republic (they are currently on their fifth) and has survived two world wars, one foreign occupation and several revolutions. Recently, they outlawed ostentatious religious signs in school, and banned face covering, which includes burqas, in public places.

There is a pretty strong sense of Islamophobia and antisemitism within French society, although many would argue they're not really secular as opposed to xenophobic. French Christians never have to deal with institutional discrimination, and a common catchphrase is that French Christians "wear the cross on the inside." Interestingly, their societal make-up — immigrants wanting a better life, but being mistreated frequently; a massive influx of refugees and a corresponding hatred of the refugees; religious, cultural, and racial minorities facing disenfranchisement despite being full-fledged citizens; and a political establishment that loves austerity — runs parallel to that of many of its European counterparts, including the United Kingdom.

The Fifth Republic has been dominated by Parti Socialiste and Les Républicains, though third parties have had a far greater role in the system than under first past the post. However, the party En Marche! has come to dominate French politics throughout 2017, being a centrist party, and arguably the most pro-European major party in France. In 2017, its first election, its founder ascended to the presidency, and the party took an absolute majority in the National Assembly.[citation needed]

France is also home to a variant of white nationalism known as Identitarianism which had its roots in the organization Bloc Identitaire/Les Identitaires (Bloc Identity/The Identitarians) which in turn came from the National Bolsheveik and Third Positionist Unite Radicale of which founders Fabrice Robert and Philippe Verdun were from that organization. The youth wing of Bloc Identitaire/Les Identitaires known as Generation Identity/Generation Identitaire (GI) would later go on to become its own organization establishing branches in the United Kingdom, Ireland, Germany, Belgium, the Netherlands, Austria, Italy, Hungary, Czech Republic/Czechia, Slovakia, Denmark and Switzerland. Subsequently the ideology would be exported to North America (i.e. the United States and Canada) where the alt-right adapted the ideology such as for example Identity Evropa/American Identity Movement (IE/AIM) and Generation Identity Canada/IDCanada and later on to Australia and New Zealand by Identity Australia and the Dominion Movement respectively. Identitarians are also strong believers in The Great Replacement conpiracy theory by writer Renaud Camus which claims that the white French Catholic population and by the White Christian population is being systemically replaced by Arab, Black, Berber and other non-white peoples basically the French version of the White genocide conspiracy theory. The Identitarian term was used by Canadian YouTuber Lauren Southern in a video and the manifesto of the same name by Australia-born perpetrator of the Christchurch terrorist attacks in Christchurch, New Zealand Brenton Harrison Tarrant who also donated money to the Austrian and French branches of Generation Identity/Identitarian movement.

Famous Frenchmen and Frenchwomen[edit]

  • René Descartes, Blaise Pascal, André-Marie Ampère, August-Louis Cauchy, Joseph-Louis Lagrange, Pierre-Simon de Laplace, Jean-Baptiste Joseph Fourier, and Henri Poincare.
  • Astérix and Obélix
  • d'Artagnan, Athos, Porthos, and Aramis
  • Simone Beck
  • M. Bigot
  • Charles de Gaulle
  • Pierre Beaumarchais
  • Napoléon Bonaparte and his Mini-Me eventual successor Napoleon III
  • M. Chauvin
  • Maurice Chevalier (Sank 'eaven for leetle girrlss -- He had more luck with that than Polanski)
  • Anacharsis Cloots
  • Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau
  • Marie and Pierre Curie (Marie born in Poland)
  • Daft Punk (Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo)
  • Simone de Beauvoir
  • Brigitte Bardot
  • Gérard Depardieu
  • Georges-Auguste Escoffier
  • Michel Foucault
  • Victor Hugo
  • André the Giant
  • Christine Lagarde
  • Marcel Marceau
  • Louis Pasteur
  • Pepé Le Pew
  • Jean-Luc Picard
  • Jean-Luc Godard
  • François Hollande, and Ségolène Royal, Valérie Trierweiler, Julie Gayet
  • Ségolène Royal (rehabilitated April 2014)
  • Jean-Marie Le Pen
  • Jean-Paul Sartre
  • Dominique Strauss-Kahn, and Hélène Dumas, Brigitte Guillemette, Anne Sinclair, Myriam L'Aouffir and assorted hotel chambermaids
  • Zinedine Zidane
  • Donatien Alphonse Francoise, Marquis de Sade

Joan of Arc[edit]

Joan of Arc, or Jeanne D'Arc in French, is the French national symbol of resistance to foreign tyranny. She was killed by the English after the French Burgundians sold her to them[note 13] and the very king that she'd helped refused to ransom her, her real purpose in the war having been to become a symbol of resistance to foreign tyranny and thus popularise what had previously been seen by much of the peasantry as an abstract and unimportant political game between lords.

The British electronic band Orchestral Manoeuvres in the D'Arc Dark also wrote three songs about her that were UK chart hits - you know, the waltzy one with the bagpipes and all the drums called "Maid Of Orleans (The Waltz Joan Of Arc)," and the uhm other one that they called "Joan Of Arc," and the other other one they called "La Femme Accident."

Other notable OMD songs include "Enola Gay Of Arc," "Joan of Architecture and Morality," and "Joanetic Engineering." As if we didn't have bad puns already.

External links[edit]

Icon fun.svg For those of you in the mood, RationalWiki has a fun article about France.

Notes[edit]

  1. The French have a strange obsession with delivering medicaments per anum: Suppositories are the favoured method of delivery.
  2. In previous wars that century, the French had negotiated the return of captured colonies by capturing valuable British colonies elsewhere, such as in India, and then trading.
  3. The French did gain a few minor concessions, such as some territory in western Africa and southern India, as well as fishing rights off the coast of Newfoundland.
  4. It's pretty much where the term "guerrilla warfare" comes from.
  5. The last king and his younger brother each tried to flee as the Revolution took a bloody turn. The king was captured before reaching the border, but his brother managed to escape; he ultimately wound up living in England. When the king's young son was basically tortured to death by revolutionaries, the king's brother became the new claimant to the throne.
  6. After Napoleon I was defeated, he attempted to have his four year old son Napoleon II made emperor. He "ruled" for about two weeks and nobody accepted his reign anyway. Napoleon I was forced to go into exile; Napoleon II went with his mother to live with her family in Austria. He served for a while as an officer in the Austrian Army, but died of pneumonia when he was 21.
  7. France began invading Algeria in the 1830s but under Napoleon III, the French colonial empire in Africa really got underway, and the initial efforts to colonize Indochina and other parts of the Asia and the Pacific began.
  8. After the US Civil War ended and the US began lending support and supplies to anti-imperial rebels, Napoleon had to cut back support for the wildly unpopular puppet emperor, who was eventually captured by those rebels and executed.
  9. Williams was promptly KIA, but on the plus side, got a posthumous promotion to Major and a building on the Virginia Tech campus named after him.
  10. The relevant page still appears first in a Google Search for the phrase
  11. Also see the Front National
  12. (Insert "gay Paree" joke here)
  13. It's...complicated.

Références[edit]

Nations of the world
AfricaAlgeria - Democratic Republic of the Congo - Egypt - Eritrea - eSwatini - Ethiopia - Guinea - Kenya - Liberia - Libya - Mali - Nigeria - Somalia - South Africa - Sudan - Togo - Uganda - Western Sahara - Zimbabwe

AsiaAfghanistan - Armenia - Azerbaijan - Bahrain - Bangladesh - Brunei - Burma - Cambodia - China - Georgia (country) - India - Indonesia - Iran - Iraq - Israel - Japan - Jordan - Kazakhstan - Kuwait - Kyrgyzstan - Laos - Lebanon - Malaysia - Maldives - Mongolia - Nepal - North Korea - Pakistan - Qatar - Saudi Arabia - Singapore - South Korea - Syria - Tajikistan - Thailand - Turkmenistan - Uzbekistan - Yemen
EuropeAustria - Belarus - Belgium - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Bulgaria - Croatia - Cyprus - Czech Republic - Denmark - England - Estonia - Finland - France - Germany - Greece - Hungary - Iceland - Ireland - Italy - Kosovo - Latvia - Lithuania - Moldova - Netherlands - North Macedonia - Northern Ireland - Norway - Poland - Portugal - Romania - Russia - Scotland - Serbia - Slovenia - Spain - Sweden - Switzerland - Turkey - Ukraine - United Kingdom - Vatican City - Wales
North AmericaCanada - Costa Rica - Cuba - Grenada - Haiti - Jamaica - Mexico - Nicaragua - Panama - United States
OceaniaAustralia - Nauru - New Zealand - Papua New Guinea - Pitcairn Islands
South AmericaArgentina - Bolivia - Brazil - Chile - Colombia - Paraguay - Uruguay - Venezuela
Historical and disputedCatalonia - Czechoslovakia - East Germany - Greenland - Kurdistan - Nazi Germany - Palestine - Roman Empire - Soviet Union - Tibet - Yugoslavia