Fun:Andy's Evening

From RationalWiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search

This story is randomly generated, click for a new story! Please help add to it!
...But please remember to keep your additions in past-tense.

Andy's Evening[edit]

The restless winds blew through the untamed and surly hair of the man as he made his way up the rugged hill to his modest lodgings. The weather, however, was the last thing on Andy Schlafly's mind. A long day had finally passed, the stress had gradually worn at Andy, who had been focusing on TK's banning of the last unbanned IP address on Earth. The stress of the long day seemed to evaporate as Andy lowered himself into his chair, the burdens of the day had finally lifted.


With a gleam in his eye and a spring in his step, Andy's thoughts turned to the recent insight he had; that no Conservapedians anywhere had any mental problems. As he perused Conservapedia's recent changes, Andy felt himself grow tired. The long day had taken its toll, it was finally time to sleep. Woken by a sudden sound, Andy sat immediately upright, throwing out his back as he did so. Pulling his pants on as he ran toward his study and the ringing phone, Andy swayed dangerously as his hangover took full effect. Having reached his study, Andy picked up the phone and muttered his salutation. Andy felt his grip on the phone tighten as the moment he had been dreading unfolded before him. With a loud crack, the phone had snapped in half under Andy's grip. With no hesitation, Andy dashed to his computer. The liberal vandals were at it again, adding facts to Conservapedia's prized articles. " Liberal trailer trash!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, startling the neighbors.


His eyes watering from the brightness of the screen, Andy quickly redirected his browser away from RationalWiki, which he monitors, and toward Conservapedia's contaminated article. As the article loaded, Andy was appalled at the sources cited for the new information added to the article, the list of university sites clearly shows status worship contamination. After immediately burning the page, Andy opened the talk page and prepared to make a strong case against the alterations.


After much thought and careful wording, Andy posted his response to the previous editor of his article:

' "Anonymous User" (I notice how you hide behind an alias), the above data are silly and misleading, even if true. I skimmed through your recent edits which are full of spleling errors, so I'm confident you're obviously clueless about "modern science". I urge you, I beseech you, I beg you: accept that faith prevents sexually transmitted diseases. Believe what you like, but a good coach cuts the talkers and plays the people who contribute the most value to the team. He doesn't care if the best contributers are thought to be rude or impolite by those who stand around talking all the time. You're missing out on the conservative insights you could be having if you weren't so defensive. Godspeed if you go elsewhere to insist on your unchanging viewpoint.--Andy Schlafly 14:23, 2 June 2024 (UTC)'

Still not satisfied, Andy decided to ban the user for their insubordination. Cackling to himself, he clicked the Ban button and smiled widely as the log showed:

Aschlafly (Talk|Contribs) blocked AmesG with an expiry time of Infinite (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) (Moronic vandalism)


Conservapedia was safe for another night. Wiping the spittle from his chin, he returned to his bed and awaited the terrors that the night held.

The End