User:Javascap/Why I am voting Republican

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  • Because I like stabbing my eyes out with a pin
  • Because chunks of corn in my crap tastes awesome
  • Because pigs CAN fly, and Hell readily freezes over
  • Because I love having our constitution shredded into pieces and burned away
  • Because I love going out on pointless, abyssal crusades while our REAL enemy runs free and unchecked
  • Because I love having all our jobs outsourced
  • Because I love running a record deficit in our time of greatest need
  • Because I love watching schools suffer funding cuts while we pour millions into space exploration
  • Because Bush was handpicked by GOD (*vomits*)
  • Because paying $32,000 a year to go to college and live off food stamps is my idea of fun
  • Because having my front door kicked down by police for writing this is perfectly fine with me.
  • Because my non-existant girlfriend needs to be told what she can and can't do with her body.
  • Because I am perfectly fine with secret prisons holding prisoners indefinetly.
  • Because billionaires have feelings too, you know.
  • Because if God had wanted us to vote Democratic He would not have created Diebold voting machines!

I hope by now, you have gathered that I am dripping sarcasm out of my computer. Feel free to contribute with reasons to vote Republican.

Serious reasons I am voting Republican[edit]

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