User:Reckless Noise Symphony/bio
The Gooniepunk 2005 (born circa 1985), also known as the Goonie 1 or simply as Gooner, is the psuedoname for Gabe Holl, a crazy street punk rocker kid and neo-pagan from Minneapolis, Minnesota (the heart of Paganistan and home to the 2nd largest punk rock scene in the U.S). He is the creation of two mega-hippie parents who taught him early on that thinking for yourself is more important than going with what is popular. He is known to drink way too much Jolt Cola, which causes him to get distracted and toy around on his laptop when he should be doing his college work.
The Goonie 1 has a useless Associate of Arts degree from Normandale Community College. He also graduated Suma Cum Laude from Dunwoody College of Technology with a n AAS degree in mechanical engineering and design, and, come winter of 2011, will be returning to work on his B.S (as BS will then be his profession). He works full-time and also has a band that he plays bass in. Being a goon, he, naturally, doesn't have a girlfriend right now. He does, however, have a healthy caffeine addiction, and is particularly fond of Jolt Cola.
Gooner's Caffeine Trivia
- He drinks more caffeine than anyone he knows.
- He once drank an entire 12 pack of Mt. Dew in 6 hours.
- His record dosage of caffeine consumed in one day was three Amp Tallboy Energy drinks, three 12 oz. Mt. Dews, and four 23.5-once Jolt Colas. He celebrated this feat by taking a nap.
- He once stated, "For some, caffeine is a picker-upper. For me, it is equal to oxygen. Actually, I probably use more caffeine in a day than I do oxygen."
- The school bookstore, where the Goonie 1 buys his Jolt fix, knows him by name and have actually named the cooler that holds the Jolt "Gabe."
 "Things I'm Good At"
- Mathematics (He has gone all the way up to Calculus and Statics [sic])
- Machining of parts
- Playing Bass guitar
- Distracting himself
- Insomnia (probably related to caffeine)
- Practical Jokes
- Debating idiots (from all walks of the spectrum)
- Master Baiting
 Punk Philosophy
The Gooniepunk is a street punk, but listens to a wide variety of music. However, he relates mostly with the work-class genre of punk known as "street punk". He usually wears a spiked mohawk and a studded, patched jean jacket. He also has many piercings (okay, just one right now) and tattoos. Gooner has been known to be a critic of many punks he calls "The Poser Patrol," which he describes as "punks who think ANY band that dares sound good, or that has been around forever, are posers or sellouts." He says that, in his opinion, "the only poser bands are the true sellouts, such as Good Charlotte, who are on a corporate label, sound poppy, make millions, and contribute absolutely nothing to the scene except more posers." A lot of punks will disagree, but The Gooniepunk really doesn't care what they think, because there are better things to argue about. The Gooniepunk's favorite bands are The Dead Kennedys, The Casualties, and Choking Victim/Leftover Crack/Star Fucking Hipsters/ whatever the fuck else Stza Sturge is a member of.
 As A Pirate
The Gooniepunk is also a devout follower of Maddox, creator of The Best Page In The Universe. This is partially because Maddox is offensive, crude, and cynical and so is Gabe. The other part has to do with the admiration of both for pirates. Arrrrgh!!!! Gabe also likes Maddox's objective analysis of the Bush/Cheney presidency.
 Religions of The Gooniepunk
The Gooniepunk has had many religions over the years, however he recently discovered that he is a Neopagan, and is planning on sticking with this religion. Previously, The Gooniepunk has been a Christian, an Agnostic, and a Buddhist. His reason for leaving these religions were that they "just didn't seem to fit." Then, an ex-girlfriend introduced him to Skystone-tradition Neopaganism, and he felt that this religion was the religion that he had been searching for all his life. He is currently an initiate-level within his coven, and is working on becoming a coven priest.
 Political Stances
The Gooniepunk2005 usually stands as a left-leaning libertarian, although he tends to lean toward the, traditionally, punk/anarchist side of things from time to time. To better explain himself, The Goonie 1 says that, "Sometimes, government is a good thing. Like when it helps people who are disabled. However, government can also be Big Brother, like when it bans same-sex marriage, or when it bans smoking in public."
To better help people understand where he is coming from, here's a long, boring list of his stances on the issues:
- He supports a woman's right to choose, and same-sex marriage.
- He generally is opposed to war, but thinks it can be justified (such as in stopping Hitler)
- He opposes anti-smoking laws, as well as laws prohibiting "illegal" drugs.
- He believes heavily in the punk value of "not being a corporate tool."
- He opposes all censorship, and also opposes the licensing of the public's airwavs to corporate interests. He also supports pirate radio and T.V.
- He is a huge proponent of the punk D.I.Y ethic, and thinks that those with the capacity to make the (world, nation, scene, locale) better should.
- He tends to oppose anti-gun legislation, but only because he believes the current laws are good enough.
- He is suspicious of any and all corporate interests.
- He supported Ralph Nader in 2000, but voted for John Kerry in 2004.
- He believes the voting age should be lowered to 8.
- He believes that political vandalism isn't "graffiti," but is, instead, an exercise of the 1st amendment.
- The list could go on for many more paragraphs, but you'd get bored.