Difference between revisions of "Fun:You have two cows"

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(→‎The webosphere: Funspace or not, this Conservapedia personality cult needs to END.)
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*'''[[Citizendium]]''': You have ten cows. You give one of the cows complete control over the milk production. You'll definitely get some milk when the Charter's done, for sure.
 
*'''[[Citizendium]]''': You have ten cows. You give one of the cows complete control over the milk production. You'll definitely get some milk when the Charter's done, for sure.
 
*'''[[Conservapedia]]''': You have no cows. All of them have been rangeblocked from the pasture.
 
*'''[[Conservapedia]]''': You have no cows. All of them have been rangeblocked from the pasture.
*'''[[Conservapedia]]''': You have five fabulous cows but they're all completely mad.
 
**'''[[Andrew_Layton_Schlafly|Andy Schlafly]]''':
 
*** "You have two cows", what a silly name we're not like Wikipedia. Please sign up with your real first name and last initial.
 
*** Barack Obama was once seen with two cows. Islam does not condemn eating beef or drinking milk. Obama is a Muslim!
 
**'''[[Conservapedia:TK|Terry Koeckritz]]''': You have two cows, they're both bullocks.
 
**'''[[Conservapedia:Conservative|Ken DeMyer]]''': You have two cows. One is busy goring atheists, the other has no machismo.
 
**'''[[Conservapedia:Ed_Poor|Ed Poor]]''': You have.
 
 
*'''[[LessWrong]]''': You don't really have two "cows", just collections of atoms that are bonded together in a form that your Bayesian mind and your prior biases ascribe the word "cow" to.
 
*'''[[LessWrong]]''': You don't really have two "cows", just collections of atoms that are bonded together in a form that your Bayesian mind and your prior biases ascribe the word "cow" to.
 
*'''[[WorldNetDaily]]''': You have two cows. You only milk one because the other was born in Kenya.
 
*'''[[WorldNetDaily]]''': You have two cows. You only milk one because the other was born in Kenya.

Revision as of 21:58, 9 September 2010

The webosphere

  • RationalWiki: You have two cows. You promote them both to sysop and repeatedly block them for not being goats
  • A Storehouse of Knowledge: You have two cows. But you can't milk them because CMI says the Bible says they don't produce milk.
  • Wikipedia: You have 3 million cows. Somehow, it all works out just fine. See WP:COW
  • Citizendium: You have ten cows. You give one of the cows complete control over the milk production. You'll definitely get some milk when the Charter's done, for sure.
  • Conservapedia: You have no cows. All of them have been rangeblocked from the pasture.
  • LessWrong: You don't really have two "cows", just collections of atoms that are bonded together in a form that your Bayesian mind and your prior biases ascribe the word "cow" to.
  • WorldNetDaily: You have two cows. You only milk one because the other was born in Kenya.
  • Wandalism: You have two cows. You have OMGZLOL!!!! GAYZORDS!!! You have two cows.
  • YouTube: You have two cows. One of them water skis.
  • Facebook: You have two cows. They're in a "complicated" relationship.
  • Facebook: You have four cows, but the pasture was so much cooler back when you only had two.
  • Twitter: @cowfan You have two cows you make sure to let your followers know their situation every twenty seconds or so. bit.ly/9DP1Zq #Milking
  • Myspace: You have two cows. They're bright purple and green rather than black and white, and they milk automatically as soon as you see them.
  • LiveJournal: You have two cows, as black as the angst in your soul. They are so off your friends list.
  • DreamWidth: Your two cows are not canon and you should mark them as AU.
  • 4chan: You have OVER 9000 COWS and they're all newfags lol
  • Rapture Ready: You have two cows, but you're not bothering to milk them, because Jesus will take you away so soon you won't have time to drink milk.

Science and pseudoscience

  • Science: You have two cows. You gather evidence from observation about the best way of producing milk. You refine this process over many years.
  • Physics: You have two cows. You can perfectly predict the milk production, but only for spherical cows in a vacuum.
  • Biology: You have two common domesticated female bovinae. Through a combination of genetic enhancement and crossbreeding, you eventually get cows that produce a thousand times more milk.
  • Chemistry: You have two cows. You extract the milk by grinding the cows up, dissolving them in toluene using a Soxhlet extractor, purifying the crude milk by distilling it over sodium. Your yield is 14.5%
  • Geology: You have two fossilised cows. Unfortunately you only have a few bones from each, but you have a good idea what they might have looked like.
  • Technology: You have two cows. You invent a milking machine to milk them with. You produce more milk.
  • Particle Physics: You have two cows. By smashing them together at high speed you hope to find the reason for milk.
  • Pure Mathematics: After several dozen proofs, you can state conclusively that you do, indeed, have two cows.

  • Pseudoscience: You have two chickens. You invent a milking machine to milk them with. People still buy your "milk".
  • Homeopathy: You have two cows. You take the milk, dilute it and shake it a bit. Dilute and shake it some more. Then dilute and shake again. And then dilute that and shake it some more. You can now cure cancer.
  • Chiropractic: You have two cows. You manipulate their spines to make them produce more milk. You accidentally snap one of their spines, killing it. You now have one cow.
  • Quantum woo: You have two CWT-869 pan-dimensional Heisenberg Enhanced Quantum-Cows. You use the bio-etheric feedback field looped through the Einstein-Hawking phase variators of a HJU-758 Degrobulator to increase milk production. If you don't see any milk, that means you need to realign your thinking.
  • Christian Science: You have two cows. You don't milk them yourself, but stand around praying for the cows to milk themselves. Their udders eventually explode.
  • UFOlogy: You have two cows. One has been mutilated by aliens.
  • Astrology: You have no cows but by drawing lines at random and telling people what they want to hear, you can persuade them to give you milk.
  • Astrology: You have cows? You must be a Taurus.
  • Denialism: Your cows have nothing to do with global warming! In fact, you don't have any cows at all!

Political Economy

  • David Ricardo: You have two cows. One of them is Portuguese and the other English. The Portuguese cow gives you red wine which the English cow drinks.
  • Joseph Schumpeter: You had two cows but killed both in a fit of creative destruction.
  • Mancur Olson: You have two cows, one young and one old. You wish some fascist would kill the old one because it gives you no milk.
  • Ernest Mandel: You have two cows but neither private nor public attempts to manage their milk production allows you to overcome the workings of the law of value.
  • James C. Scott: You have two cows. They ignore you and develop their own non-monetized economic exchange.
  • Albert O. Hirschman: You only have two cows now. One is a suck-up and the other sulks. You had a third cow but it left for greener pastures.

Political Philosophy

  • Herbert Marcuse: You let your two cows determine when they want to be milked. But this is actually oppression disguised as freedom.
  • Leo Strauss: There is no truth. There is no god. But you should tell your cows that both truth and god exist so you can control them.
  • Mao Zedong: All power grows out of a milking machine teatcup.
  • Mencius: You are lactose intolerant and sell your cows to northern barbarians.
  • George W. Bush A coyote attacks and kills one of your three cows. Three years later you react by ordering your two cows to invade the chicken coop.

Philosophy

  • Pyrrhonism: You have two cows. But how do you know you have two cows?
  • Idealism: You have two cows, but they're really just figments of your imagination.
  • Objectivism: You have two cows, and you are never giving any of your milk to charity.
  • Cynicism: Cows? I have no need for cows. Now leave me be.
  • Anarchism: You have two cows, but you don't milk them. You let them roam free, knowing that when they finally opt to milk themselves, it will be sweeter than it would be if you took it by coercive means.

Science Fiction

  • Philip K. Dick: You and your two cows discover you are actually robots. Robots on drugs.
  • Isaac Asimov: One your two cows is a robot. No one is on drugs.
  • Robert A. Heinlein (pre dirty old man days): You are a very intelligent young man who has two cows. You and them get on a rocket for Venus where you become wealthy selling milk to the settlers.
  • Robert A. Heinlein (post dirty old man days): You have two cows. You genetically engineer a human crossbreed with one of them, so you can have sex with it, and still get free milk.