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from FuzzyCatPotato (Talk), group Site wide (urgent) at 13:22, 26 June 2017

A day in the life of Barack HUSSEIN Obama

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Obama's position used to make him very busy. Here is just a bit of what he had to go through:

9:00 AM Morning call to prayer, as a seekrit Muslim.
9:10 AM Renounce previous call to prayer, as a seekrit Atheist.
9:30 AM Eat babies for breakfast.
10:30 AM Brunch with Bin Laden.
11:00 AM Institute socialism.
11:30 AM Lock people up in FEMA concentration camps.
12:00 PM Death to America.
12:30 PM Eat puppies for lunch. Sacrifice a kitten to Satan.
12:40 PM Go to the toilet. Use an American flag, the Constitution and pages from the Bible as toilet paper.
1:00 PM Throw welcoming party for illegal Mexican immigrants, invading North Korean soldiers, Al Qaeda suicide bombers and DAESH invaders.
1:30 PM Tour kindergartens handing out condoms.
2:00 PM Steal money from hardworkin' white job-creators at gunpoint and hand that money out to homeless black people on street corners.
2:30 PM Plant fake dinosaur and Neanderthal fossils in the ground to make people believe in evolution.
3:00 PM Crash planes into Pentagon.
3:30 PM Conspire with Jews and aliens at Masonic lodges, the Bilderberg Conference, the Bohemian Grove and the Skull and Bones Crypt.
4:00 PM Censor conservatives.
4:30 PM Preside over gay weddings.
5:00 PM Confiscate (largely defensive weapons of) guns.
5:30 PM Serve on government-funded healthcare death panels. Deny service to babies with Down's syndrome. Pull the plugs on grandmothers.
6:00 PM Call leaders of Vast Liberal Media Conspiracy, dictate stories for the evening news.
6:30 PM Cut military funding.
7:00 PM Attend drug and gay sex party in Lincoln Bedroom.
7:30 PM Eat baby seals for dinner.
8:00 PM Deface portraits of the good Presidents: Reagan, Washington, Reagan, Lincoln, Reagan, Nixon, Reagan, Warren G. Harding, Reagan, George W. Bush, Reagan and Reagan.
8:30 PM Sharpen fangs, claws and horns; polish scales; clean the clefts between hooves.
9:00 PM Come up with new forged birth certificate.
9:30 PM Curl up in an armchair with a mug of cocoa to read Mein Kampf, Das Kapital and the Necronomicon.
10:00 PM Telephone various half-siblings, cousins, aunts, in-laws and invite them to come to the US illegally.
10:30 PM Stand on balcony overlooking Washington D.C., talons raised overhead, and laugh maniacally with the Imperial March, Sauron's Theme or Night on Bald Mountain playing in the background.
11:00 PM After a light snack of aborted fetal tissue, retire to bed.
3:00 AM Ignore urgent phone call from Pentagon; tired after hard day of implementing socialism and destroying America.

[edit] See also

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