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from Noisemobile (Talk), group Site wide (urgent) at 09:06, 24 January 2015

Fun:A day in the life of Barack Hussein Obama

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Obama's position makes him very busy. Here is just a bit of what he has to go through:

  • 9:00 AM: Morning call to prayer, as a seekrit Muslim.
  • 9:10 AM: Renounce previous call to prayer, as a seekrit Atheist.
  • 9:30 AM: Eat babies for breakfast.
  • 10:30 AM: Brunch with Bin Laden.
  • 11:00 AM: Institute socialism.
  • 11:30 AM: Lock people up in FEMA concentration camps.
  • 12:00 AM: Death to America.
  • 12:30 PM: Eat puppies for lunch. Sacrifice a kitten to Satan.
  • 12:40 PM: Go to the toilet. Use an American flag, the Constitution and pages from the Bible as toilet paper.
  • 1:00 PM: Throw welcoming party for illegal Mexican immigrants, invading North Korean soldiers and Al Qaeda suicide bombers
  • 1:30 PM: Tour kindergartens handing out condoms.
  • 2:00 PM: Steal money from hardworkin' white job-creators at gunpoint and hand that money out to homeless black people on street corners.
  • 2:30 PM: Plant fake dinosaur and neanderthal fossils in the ground to make people believe in evolution.
  • 3:00 PM: Crash planes into Pentagon.
  • 3:30 PM: Conspire with Jews and aliens at Masonic lodges, the Bilderberg Conference, the Bohemian Grove and the Skull & Bones Crypt.
  • 4:00 PM: Censor conservatives.
  • 4:30 PM: Preside over gay weddings.
  • 5:00 PM: Confiscate (largely defensive weapons of) guns.
  • 5:30 PM: Serve on government-funded healthcare death panels. Deny service to babies with down syndrome. Pull the plugs on grandmothers.
  • 6:00 PM: Call leaders of Vast Liberal Media Conspiracy, dictate stories for the evening news.
  • 6:30 PM: Cut military funding.
  • 7:00 PM: Attend drug and gay sex party in Lincoln Bedroom.
  • 7:30 PM: Eat baby seals for dinner.
  • 8:00 PM: Deface portraits of the good Presidents: Reagan, Washington, Reagan, Lincoln, Reagan, Nixon, Reagan, Warren G. Harding, Reagan, George W. Bush, Reagan and Reagan.
  • 8:30 PM: Sharpen fangs, claws and horns; polish scales; clean the clefts between his hooves.
  • 9:00 PM: Come up with new forged birth certificate.
  • 9:30 PM: Curl up in an armchair with a mug of cocoa to read Mein Kampf, Das Kapital and the Necronomicon.
  • 10:00 PM: Telephone various half-siblings, cousins, aunts, in-laws and invite them to come to the US illegally.
  • 11:00 PM: After a light snack of aborted fetal tissue, retire to bed.
  • 3:00 AM: Ignore urgent phone call from Pentagon; tired after hard day of implementing socialism and destroying America.
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