May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008
Shit! Piss! Fuck! Cunt! Cocksucker! Motherfucker! Tits!RAT SHIT, BAT SHIT, DIRTY OLD TWAT, SIXTY-NINE ASSHOLES TIED IN A KNOT. HOORAY. LIZARD SHIT. FUCK!
George "FUCK" Carlin was the FUCK world's greatest comedian FUCK. He was one of FUCK the greatest champions of anti-censorship and free FUCK speech. He is possibly best FUCK known for his most famous work, a dissertation FUCK on the highlights and flaws of FUCK an aristocratic society, entitled "Shit! Piss! Fuck! Cunt! Cocksucker! Motherfucker! Tits!" He was also Cardinal Glick FUCK in Dogma. He was well FUCK known to be
pessimistic awake, hateful angry, and profane FUCK! He also was a master of FUCK words, and loved to take apart the FUCK idiocy that is the FUCK human language. He wrote several FUCK books, and FUCK received numerous awards. He also played Rufus FUCK in the Bill and Ted films. Extremely FUCK critical of religion, he was known for his long rants FUCK about how religion has pretty much fucked us over. He died some time past, and a little bit of light went out of the world. But the great thing about it was, he left us hours and hours of video.
Carlin is often revered by conspiracy theorists (mainly the libertarian Illuminati-truther Ron Paul variety) because of a scathing piece he preformed in his later years, in which he says, among other things, that politicians exist to give the illusion of freedom of choice, and his questions regarding 9/11. Strangely enough, Carlin himself was a democratic socialist, so I guess he must have been a puppet of the Illuminati then, and not the hero the cranks make him out to be?
 I didn't say half the things I've said
Given his popularity and dead-on-target wit, it was inevitable that some quotes which sound like they're by George Carlin, but weren't really by George Carlin, would eventually start making the rounds. Snopes has more than one article about false e-mails claiming to quote Carlin, often involving made-up political rants or glurge. Years before he died, Carlin said of these fake quotes:
"I want people to know that I take care with my writing, and try to keep my standards high. But most of this "humor" on the Internet is just plain stupid. I guess hard-core fans who follow my stuff closely would be able to spot the fake stuff, because the tone of voice is so different. But a casual fan has no way of knowing, and it bothers me that some people might believe I'd actually be capable of writing some of this stuff." —Carlin, 2001
Among the things George Carlin didn't really say? The phrase "I didn't say half the things I've said." That was Yogi Berra.