Fun:Tips for starting a conspiracy

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These tips for starting your own conspiracy are based on observations of real life and also fictional examples, especially those culled from television shows and movies. We want your conspiracy to be a complete success!

Secrecy[edit]

Secrecy is paramount to a successful conspiracy. Ideally one kills one's co-conspirators as soon as the mission is accomplished, but if this can't be achieved, one good way to minimize the risk of being discovered is to make sure that no one person knows enough to bring down the enterprise if they "turn state's" on you.

The stupid inverse of this is, of course, leaking information about your conspiracy. For example, the New World Order is having serious problems due to their plastering the details of their plans all over US money. If someone as two-dimensional as a Nicolas Cage character can decipher the symbols you so carelessly placed everywhere, you're clearly doing something wrong.

A foolproof plan[edit]

Keep your powder dry[edit]

If you plan on blowing up the Houses of Parliament, make sure your gunpowder will actually explode when you turn up the wick.

A watertight alibi[edit]

Diversionary techniques[edit]

It can be a good idea to invest some of one's efforts in ways that have nothing to do with your conspiracy to keep people looking the other way.

It also helps to have a general public image (personally or as a group) that makes it look like the success of your secret plans would cause you harm or loss.

Team Ups[edit]

One important thing for any conspiracy to do is the “team up.” Effectively, you must join forces with other conspiracies that have different goals than you, or even contradictory goals. The two or more of you can then proceed to use the same methods to achieve your goals. This will further help to throw people off the scent.

A good example of such a team-up is Global Warming. Currently, it is being used in an attempt by the UN to take over the USA, Jacque Chirac in an effort to use the Kyoto Accord, scientists in an effort to get more funding and/or take over the world, environmentalists trying to prevent Africa’s development and/or help Africa develop, people trying to end globalization, and Margaret Thatcher in an attempt to promote nuclear power (once the plan has succeeded all these groups will have to destroy each other, but that’s a later concern). Because of this, many outside observers are under the impression that these conspiracies COULDN’T ALL BE RIGHT (hahahahahahaha).

Another important method of team up is the name. I don’t mean the name of your team up. I mean the name of your organization, and the name of the group you team up with. If various groups with totally unrelated motivations begin calling themselves THE SAME THING, then it will confuse outside observers into mistaking several conspiracy theories for contradictory versions of the same one. Furthermore, it causes the theorists who are trying to uncover you to waste time fighting amongst themselves. The Illuminati (all of them) have been saved more than once by bitching between those who believe them to be Jewish, atheist, Catholic, Satanic, and non-religious.


Kung fu[edit]

To better leverage your paradigm, using powerful organizations against themselves can be very effective. 9/11 is a kind of example of this - leveraging boxcutters into huge destructive power by commandeering aircraft fully laden (sorry) with fuel. This example also shows the successful exploitation of "kill your co-conspirators" mentioned under "secrecy".