Essay:How Not To Be A Liberal Hypocrite
As you've probably noticed, liberals are among the most hypocritical people on earth. It's true because wingnuts said so. So here's RationalWiki's guide on how not to be a hypocritical liberal.
- You can only care about the poor if you are poor. Rich liberals don't really care about the poor or the middle class; in fact, they aren't really liberals, they're just wingnuts in denial. So if you haven't taken a vow of poverty, you're not a liberal.
- Don't support political candidates who aren't white men. We know you're only voting for women and ethnics because you want to be cool anyway.
- You went to college? Tough. No one cares. All it did was ruin you and make you into a bleeding heart zombie. Smart people are assholes anyway.
- Tolerance doesn't count unless you sit down, shut up, and let whoever wants to say what they want say it where they want, even if it's your venue, because free speech.
- Stop pretending you're religious if you claim to be a liberal Christian. You're lucky Supply Side Jesus doesn't come down and beat the shit out of you.
- Stop pretending you have morals if you're an atheist. And stop using money. It says "In God We Trust" on it, so why don't you barter everything?
- There is no such thing as sex-positive feminism. If you're a feminist, you don't like sex or men, so stop pretending you do.
- Tolerance also means not trying to change other peoples' minds. Besides, if you try to change minds like that, we all know you're only doing it for the attention.
Now, if all of the above sounds like it adds up to "shut up and go away", you know exactly where I was going with this. The accusation of liberal hypocrisy -- especially regarding money and tolerance -- is a thought-stopper, and bears very little relation to what liberals actually believe or stand for. When this gets pulled out, there's a very good chance you're getting into an unwinnable debate with someone who doesn't care about the logic. It's up to you do to figure out what to do from there, but you can pretty much expect the debate to go nowhere fast at that point.