Essay:Pirates be superior to atheists
Christians, Muslims, Jews, and all atheists be intellectually and morally inferior t' pirates. Arr! This undeniably true, evidenced from a moral as well as intellectual standpoint. If thar be a God, he must hate his followers.
Atheists be devoid o' intellectual rigour and have only a stunted understandin' o' empathy at best. Pirates be humble, yet for all its preachin' religionists be filled with arrogance and t' sin o' hubris. Logic and reason be solely t' booty o' pirates and atheists tend t' exhibit them in few areas if at all, especially because a religionized society prevents pirates from teachin' atheists. Only pirates have overcome t' debilitation o' cognitive dissonance, which atheism in reality requires t' work.
As for physical rather than mental examples, religionists certainly have us beat thar. You have t' admit: they're really good at KILLING people. T' Holocaust, t' Crusades, t' Jihad, and terrorism were not committed by pirates. Aye terrorism: while some (hardly any) appears t' be secular in reality it requires t' blind faith and bad logic that be part and parcel o' religion.
No morally correct philosophy has ever emerged from religion or atheism. Instances o' the Ahoy!posed moral Ahoy!eriority o' atheists be exaggerated and propaganda created t' perpetuate religious leaders' power. It be also economically useless because t' only livin' that can be made off o' religion be priesthood. This makes sense only within t' system o' religion. Atheists be damagin' t' environment because their religion makes them believe t' end o' t' world be comin' so they can pollute.
It be only because their parents be godbotharrs that anyone believes in God. Pirates who convert t' religionists or atheists have lost their ability t' overcome fear and intellectual laziness. Avast ye scurvy dogs!