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Essay:Qualifications to be President of the United States of America

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Be a natural-born citizen of the United States

Be at least thirty-five years old

Have been a permanent resident in the United States for at least fourteen years

Yes. This is what is claimed as the only three qualifications to become president of the United States of America. Then we take a gander at the list and come to an impasse. We can either deny the actual qualifications, or we can accept them. All presidents have been incredibly rich, incredibly white, incredibly male, incredibly Christian, incredibly patriotic, and with a few notable exceptions, incredibly stupid.

Do you honestly think that even the most amazingly experienced smartest person will ever become president if they don't own a house the size of a hotel? People claim that because McCain has seven houses that makes him bad. Obama only has one huge luxurious house and only has 1.3 million dollars to burn. He's practically on welfare. And McCain and his seven houses actually try to claim that Obama is out-of-touch. OF course Obama is out of touch. All presidents will be out of touch, because all presidents will be extremely wealthy.

For a country who's founders wrote that all men were created equal, they certainly did have their fair share of slaves, huh? This qualification is nearly broken. For the first time in history, a non-white person might just become president if the South doesn't have it's way. And yet we claim that anyone can be president. No they can't. 300 years and all we have to show for it is a half a black. So assuming Obama wins, we will have had 43 and a half white men in office.

Will a woman ever become president? Perhaps. In the same way that there will one day be peace in the Middle East and intolerance and hunger will end world-wide. Because they're too "emotional" and will be worried about their nails and their hair. They are ruled by their emotions. Would you rather have a gender that is ruled by their genitals? Here's one. Christian. Being anything other than Christian instantly disqualifies you for presidency. That will always be the case. And we can't just take them on their word, we must analyze them, then reject them. If an openly atheistic person ran for president.... Well, that wouldn't happen. Because most atheists realize that they could never win. Will we ever have a Muslim president. No. There is no hope for it.

Patriotism. Defined by The Oxford Dictionary as how often you wear a flag pin. And how often you say "God Bless America". And your awareness that America is the most awesome thing ever, and that you never have any doubts in it's almighty power and the instant respect for it's leader, no matter how crazy he is. Will anyone who doesn't exhibit these traits ever become president. No. You must not be critical of it. You must not wish to improve it, as how can you improve what is perfect.

Stupidity. A president must be stupid enough to go with the flow, and force himself to bow to all of these qualifications. He must display sycophantic patriotism at all times, even if he is in disagreement. He must praise Jesus whenever possible. He must be beat into submission and thought useless if he doesn't qualify. He must get his word out to people with money. He must make sure he knows if he is black he has no chance, or if she is a woman she has none. They must be drones for society. They must do what they are told. They must never rock the boat. But all of it might change. Not with Obama certainly. But he brings it one step closer to there only being three qualifications. We will never beat the rich or the Christianity hurdles. Nor will we get through patriotism.

So maybe, just maybe. One day, we will have a rich, patriotic, Christian, sycophant. Who also happens to be black or a woman.