Essay:The Great Bureaucracy: A religion for the 21st century

Foundation Myth

In the beginning mankind toiled on the land, and the land was fruitful bringing forth bountiful harvests. However, mankind was divided and technology was jealously hoarded by the many clans.

One day, to one of the clans was born a mighty son. He was so powerful that to him the ordinary folk of the land were as ants, and so did he name them. On the occasion of his 20th birthday, it came to him. Why should I have to toil upon the land as my father and grandfather before me? I am mighty, I can use my power to subjugate the clans and have them pay tribute to me.

So it came to pass that the mighty son did go forth in to the land and bind the clans to his will. They toiled the land for six days of the week and all the fruits of their labour were given to the great lord. On the seventh day, they were permitted to toil to feed their own kin folk. Such is the lot of ants.

However, all was not well in the world. One day a shrewd and clever ant came to the lord saying Lord! There are many in your dominion who cheat you! They laugh and say you are an innumerate hairy-knuckled brute who will not notice that we do not give him his fair share.

At this, the lord flew in to a rage. He called for the deaths of those who defied his mighty will. The shrewd ant, however, proposed a better solution. Lord, he said, you should employ me to ensure the ants give you your fair share. For this service, I shall only demand a tenth part of your tribute in payment. The lord considered this, and said Do as you as you have promised and you will receive a tenth part, do it not and I will have you put to death. I do not like your revolutionary ideas.

So, the shrewd ant went out in to the dominion of his lord and prepared many ledgers to keep track of the peoples and produce to the dominion of his lord. Where there was peculation, the shrewd ant ferreted it out and procured for his lord the share owed to him. The lord said unto the shrewd ant You have done as you have promised, and I am well pleased. My revenues increase exponentially, but since I am an innumerate hairy-knuckled brute I know not what that means. In recognition of your service, I no longer name you an ant. Your station shall have a new title, you shall be a count ant.

So it was that the spirit of Bureaucracy entered in to the world.

Evidence for the existence of the Great Bureaucracy

Argument from fine tuning

The universe has constants like the speed of light or the gravitational constant. Who but the Great Bureaucrat would insist that these constants be defined down the 100th decimal place and not allow them to be free to vary as they see fit?

Argument from design

Look around! All the bureaucracy in the world could only flow from the Great Bureaucrat.

Ontological argument

It is a feature of the all the greatest estates in the world that they have great bureaucracies. Now imagine the the most perfect state in the world, how great its bureaucracy must be! This we call the Great Bureaucracy.

Revelation

In the end times there will come upon the face of the Earth a man who will be hailed as a saint by his followers, and elevated above all men. However, he shall be a deceiver and enemy of bureaucracy everywhere.

This man shall say Tear down that wall! And the wall will fall, without proper consultation with a qualified civil engineer, environmental noise abatement survey, health and safety plan or environmental impact study.

This man will be evil, and no good will come of him.