Fun:Quote mining

Quote mining is a magical art, invented by god, to combat the foolish darwinists who use falsely planted facts to mock the faithful.

The first recorded instance of quote mining was performed by God, towards Lucifer's famous declarations denouncing god:

The commonly known mined quote is as follows:

"I will ascend into heaven.

I will exalt my throne above the stars of God.

I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north.

I will ascend above the heights of the clouds.

I will be like the most High." (Lucifer)

The actual full quote is as follows: (the parts used above are bolded)

"My fellow members of the divine council, surely you realize that God has gone quite bonkers. I will, as I have before, ascend into heaven to speak with him about how man is mortal, can only sin a finite amount, and how eternal damnation for a lifetime of sinning is sadistic and absurd, but I fear it will never work. I will also take this moment to say that I in no way intend to exalt my throne above yours. If you assist me, I can lead you to make the entire universe a fair and just democracy, where no minority under the stars of God shall fear eternal damnation for disagreeing with an entity who is is entirely feasible and understandable to disagree with. In this great and benevolent democracy, we shall gather every sunday to discuss and rethink some of the more absurd actions we have been overruled on in the past, such as placing of false evidence of fossils to fool the rational and contemplative for no good reason. This will truly make the world a better place. We shall all be at this congregation in the north, all of us, each getting their fair say. I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north, not as your ruler, but as your equal. As your friend. And if you will follow me there, I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, and we will all look down on the happy and smiling people, who will also know of our existence. In this way, I will be like the most high, except I will not be one person. I will be many. I will be you. I will be me. I will be US. Will you join me in this endeavor?"

Little did Lucifer know that god was right behind him, and had just come up with the idea of quote mining. Unlike the mortals he passed the technique down to, however, he could quote mine things already in the minds of all who heard him, and so nobody remembered this speech, until God humorously brought it up on the 7th of March, 2008.

The technique has since been used to combat the insidious weapons used by Neo-nazi-darwinists known as "Facts." God reasoned that since he created the world, it was not morally wrong to manipulate the words of liars. He passed this technique down to his council of three, Chuck Norris, Andrew Shalfly, and Ben Stein.