CLoM » Ten Selected Species of WikiFauna

Ten Selected Species of WikiFauna

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There are several articles online about the different types of people on a wiki -- you know, WikiDragons and that kind of thing -- but they're all kinda small and incomplete, and they miss some really obvious things. To remedy this, I have compiled a list of strange species you can find on wikis. It is mainly about Wikipedia, and in fact most of these things don't exist on RationalWiki or Conservapedia. I hope you find it helpful.

01. FURIOUS RELUCTANT TIME TRAVELER

The Furious Reluctant Time Traveler arrives with a bang, registers a complaint on a talk page that does not make sense or appears to be largely fantasy, and then disappears forever. Godspeed, furious traveler.

02. OFFICER OF THE DEPARTMENT OF ENCYCLOPEDIAS

The Officer of the Department of Encyclopedias does not need to read about Wikipedia policies, because he has better ones. He will revert you, and talk to you politely about it, and explain the policies he is using, and you will eventually realize his policies are written on an imaginary roll of papyrus in his head. Expect him to cite policies like 'articles shouldn't offend anyone.'

03. SUDDENLY INFLATING PLAINTIFF

The Suddenly Inflating Plaintiff regrets to inform you that he will initiate court proceedings against Wikipedia unless they reinvent most of their policies. He is usually new to Wikipedia, and doesn't realize how clichéd this is. It’s fun to watch him disappear into obscurity.

04. WOUNDED RABBIT MARTYR

The Wounded Rabbit Martyr is a special type of editor who can take lethal damage from ordinary things like conversations. One slight knock is all it takes, and then you have to read an endless block of text about how uncaring you are, and how your favorite rabbit is now leaving forever and there’s nothing you can do about and it’s all your fault. Wounded Rabbits are almost always nice people. They just happen to randomly explode. Mei is in favor of rabbits but not in favor of explosions.

05. TIMED EXPLOSION KID

The Timed Explosion Kid does not understand any policies, and will eventually get angry about it. Timed Explosion Kids go through several phases.

1. HELLO I’M HERE LOOK AT ME.
2. Sorry I didn't mean any harm. Look I’m typing in lowercase.
3. It’s all cool.
4. I’m being helpful now.
5. Can I be an admin?
6. Why can’t I be an admin?
7. HULK SMASH.

06. BEAUTIFUL ENLIGHTENED CYNIC

This guy has eventually reached the momentous conclusion that some things on Wikipedia might be wrong. He is appalled that Wikipedia is so much more successful than infallible encyclopedias, like the Encyclopedia Britannica. He knows that few people have heard of the Encyclopedia Britannica, so it is important to tell them what is is and why it is better. The Beautiful Enlightened Cynic is much more intelligent than you, so do not take offence if he slyly sends up your naivety whenever he talks to you. He’s not trying to be rude, it’s just that he’s so intelligent.

07. SHELTERED NAZI

In a nutshell: a Nazi who doesn't realize the world is mainly full of people who aren’t Nazis. The Sheltered Nazi arrives and starts correcting articles in order to make the important point that Churchill was a race traitor, and will then be genuinely stunned when people revert him. Expect comments like “you mean you seriously don’t think the Jews are in control of our economy????”.

08. PROTOSS ZEALOT

The Protoss Zealot is a proud, fierce warrior of internet arguments. He will argue for years about the same thing, and will engage anyone who will hear him out, but unfortunately he does not live in the real world. His arguments are internally consistent but bear no actual resemblance to reality. They are like a parallel universe made of words. There is no point trying to understand or reason with this person - you will just hurt your head and gradually erode your keyboard. The Zealot is usually not hostile, but can make other people hostile by sheer weight of repetition.

09. CENOBITE

The Cenobite is happiest when hurting people. This is their casual state. They are allowed to do this because of free speech. Don’t ever vaguely insult or tell off a Cenobite though, because they will go absolutely fucking mental because it’s against the law.

10. SELF-COLLAPSING UNIT OF IRONY

The Self-Collapsing Unit of Irony wants you to know that it is sad to edit a wiki with your free time. He wishes you to consider getting a life, and will explain that he personally does have a life, and it is much better than yours, you sad little wiki editor.

--13:19, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

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