Recipe:Nutritionist's Nightmare

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This recipe has enough MSG, gluten, and GMOs to make Wakefield drop dead from autism. It's also really tasty. Plus, it's vegetarian.



  1. Mix flour and 2 cups of water (and whatever spices you want) until you have a stiff dough, and then knead it for longer than you think is necessary.
  2. Form the dough into a ball, and knead it in a bowl of cold water until the water turns cloudy. Change the water, and keep doing this until the water stays clear.
  3. What you have left is gluten.
  4. Form the gluten into a ball, and squeeze out as much water and air as possible.
  5. Cut the gluten into small pieces, almost like tofu.
  6. Prepare the rice as you usually would.
  7. While the rice is cooking, bring a pot of vegetable broth to a boil and drop the gluten pieces in it.
  8. Simmer the broth until almost gone. Your gluten will now be ready to cook.
  9. Sauté the gluten in a wide, shallow pan with whatever kind of veggies you like, until the veggies are cooked.
  10. Serve the sautéed gluten over the rice, seasoned with soy sauce, sesame seeds, and MSG