Welcome to the abode of Cthulhu, the high priest of the Old Ones
I am Cthulhu (it is pronounced ""Khlûl'hloo"), the ancient scourge of mankind. One day I will awake and purge this world of all living things, especially conservatives, BWAHAHAHA!. There is nothing you can do about it. Not a thing. It is hopeless. But fear not, there is always a solution. Consult this short guide for further information:
As of anything else, an accurate desription of me would drive you permanently insane which I am sure you do not want right now. Do not worry, mortal, everyone eventually goes insane.
Become a cultist
As a cultist of cthulhu you are entitled to the following benefits:
- You will be eaten first.
To become a cultist you need to sacrifice one of the following:
- Your firstborn
- A fresh brain
- A virgin
- A Conservapedia article
In the case of the latter you need to send me a link to its history file as proof. The Great Cthulhu is of course in no pathetic need for mortal evidence but this logically extends your waiting and suffering. Bwahahaha!
If you're having problems, check out this article