CLoM » Spotting WikiFauna, Part I

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Spotting WikiFauna, Part I
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WIKIFAUNA TYPE 05 - THE TIMED EXPLOSION KID

The most beautiful example of a Timed Explosion Kid is Hornetman16, of Wikipedia. He is no longer called that, but I'm calling him that now because pretty much everything I could link to is going to use that name. He was only renamed after being banned from Wikipedia indefinitely, so the new name is not so important.

You could go and look up him up yourself if you really wanted, but it would be pretty dull and slow, because his talk page is now deleted, so you'd have to go through page history and edits bit by bit to work out what's happening, and unlike me you don't know what to look for or where to go. If you just sit there and read this post, I will give you nice relevant links which will show you the exact bits of conversation which are relevant. It's all very nice and I enjoyed reading it all again. Sit down and relax, and make yourself a drink.


HOLD ON

Before I begin I should mention that I’m not going to type ‘Hornetman16’ every time I want to refer to this guy. That is just not on. I know I resolved to have lots of words in Cunning Log, but you should keep in mind that I am also a lazy person. As names go, Hornetman16 isn’t particularly long, but it’s just so dull and arbitrary that it sucks a bit of life out of me whenever I type it. You can experiment with this yourself, but try not to do it for too long.

I considered abbreviating Hornetman16 to ‘H16’, and that sort of worked. It’s quick and easy to write. However - whenever I read it I get three syllables, which is pretty cheeky for a word with three letters in it. That’s one syllable for each letter! Think how long it would take to say simple sentences if this rule were true for other words! It would take you a whole afternoon to say ‘Fuck all these overly long words’.

So H16 has to go as well. I exchanged it for ‘H6’ because that allowed me to drop a whole syllable without changing the sound of the word, but that still annoyed me because it still looks random and numbery. So long story short, I decided to convert the six into twelve, because the number originally had two digits, and take the twelfth letter of the Greek alphabet as the second digit of my abbreviation. This gives me ‘HM’, which is perfect.


DISCLAIMER

It's not "stalking", it's schadenfreude. Say it with me.


THE EARLY DAYS

HM signed up on October 12th 2006 [1] (I know, ancient history, right?), and made some random edits for a while, without actually speaking to anyone else or taking a serious interest in any specific articles. He mainly made low key janitorial edits (including uploading a relevant image, which still exists) for the next couple of months, and then on December 11th put in a request for adminship. See here: [2].

Connoisseurs of WikiDrama will be interested to note that this RfA is basically the first time HM spoke to anyone on Wikipedia. This is the first time he signed with four tildes. This is also a pretty typical post of his — note the capital letters used to subtly emphasize certain words. Note the pre-emptive insistence that his young age doesn’t make him immature. We will quickly see that it does. It really does.

HM then answers the typical Admin-quiz. Set your faces to stunned [3].

I did warn you.

Long story short: HM uses the three question format to give us four reasons he can’t be an admin. That’s pretty impressive. If you missed them, here is the score.

  1. HM intends to use admin privileges to delete “nude photos”. Anyone even vaguely familiar with Wikipedia will know this just isn’t going to fly.
  2. HM hopes to keep the site “within the range of not offending anyone. ESPECIALY CHRISTIANS!!!”. Yeah good luck with that.
  3. HM is most proud of his edits to wp:Haines City High School, because it’s his school and it was his way of showing “loyalty” and “school spirit”.
    (In case you don’t want to sift through the page history, here is the HC High School page at the time HM made his RfA [4]. Almost everything there was written by him. It’s not quite Felidae but it’s pretty indulgent. It includes text copied from the school website, a big table of football results, and three now-deleted images. It’s also pretty badly written. It’s not as COI as I thought it would be though, so I guess I have to give him that.)
  4. HM says he will rely on God to guide him through conflicts. This later turned out to be correct.

You can see the results (and the full application, and the rest of the comments) here: [5]. HM gets four opposing votes, which are pretty damn negative. His best vote is a neutral one which pokes fun at his comments and suggests he withdraw the application.

The application is then closed and archived by a random admin ([6]). It was up for almost exactly four hours. During the voting, HM occupied his time by making userboxes about himself ([7]).

“(aeropagitica)” (who clearly never realized anyone would have to type his name) tells HM on his talk page that deleting images is against policy, but he should nominate images for deletion if he thinks they’re actually illegal. ([8]) About 35 minutes later, HM nominates an image for deletion ([9]) with the justification “Child porno”. Brace yourself: we’re about to go from normal to surreal in six seconds.

The discussion is here, in all its bizarre glory: [10]. During the discussion (in which almost everyone votes Keep), HM insists that the image is pornographic and tell its uploader “What the Hell? What is up with you and every photo you post being about nudity?”. His response to the first few posts, which make it very clear the image doesn’t qualify as child pornography, is “I don't care this photo isn't right. This is an encyclopedia NOT a issue of Playboy or Playgirl.” Said image is a photo of a nudist holding a small child who is presumably his daughter.

The image was kept, and still exists. I hope that isn't a spoiler.


BOREDOM, BOREDOM, RANDOM SCOLDING, BOREDOM

At this point in our story, HM becomes less active. Content with having sewn the seeds of his future destruction, he takes a bit of a break, and there is nothing to see for a while. On December 24th, he makes one last edit ([11]), and then disappears for about five months. Don’t worry — all the top shelf lulz is still to come.

In May 2007 (the 14th), he returns to Wikipedia, apparently lured by the Spider-Man 3 article ([12]) — which, I am interested to note, still contains spoiler templates. We all miss you, spoiler template ;_______;

Over the next month, he makes dozens of low key edits to professional wrestling flavored articles (gag), Christian Pop Music articles (???), and his high school’s article again. He also uploaded the images which are currently used for most of the books in the Left Behind series. So now you know who to blame. In amongst the boring edits, he also made this delicious comment: [13]. Rather than actually reading the comments he’s replying to, HM just reads the title of the thread and guesses what it’s supposed to be about from that. I always kinda suspected HM didn’t read people’s comments, and now I feel pretty vindicated.

We then have to wait several weeks for HM to do anything lulzy. Pull your socks up, HM.

On 11th June, HM meets “3bulletproof16”, who is to become the closest thing he has to a supporter. I like to imagine this meeting as HM crashing into 3bulletproof16 while running for the bus, and then helping him pick up his scattered tray of jam tarts. Oh HM, you’re so disorganized. The meeting is here: [14]. HM is referring to this edit: [15].

3bulletproof16 (who will be known as Bulletproof from now on) is basically what HM would be if he had a lick of sense. He’s a fan of professional wrestling, and presumably also a Christian — since I only know one meaning of the numbers 3 and 16 together (John: 3:16) — but he's also very reserved and keeps policy in mind while editing. Later on, he will become one of HM’s many voices of reason. For all the good that’ll do.

The next day, User:Durin (who is a logical guy) scolds HM for repeatedly ignoring a policy that has been explained to him several times. HM’s response is basically “whoops!” ([16]). We cannot see HM’s persistent violations of userpage policy, because his userpage and its early history were later deleted. Can you guess why?

The next day (the 13th), HM is scolded by Bulletproof, for basically formatting his pet wrestling articles to look how he wants, and reverting people when they correct them ([17]). HM leaves a catty remark on Bulletproof’s talk page ([18]), and Bulletproof responds (on HM’s page, because these people have no consideration for random Meis who might be documenting their WikiCareers) with a patient explanation of why HM’s edits aren’t that great ([19]).

You can see the formatting discussion and ensuing mini-tantrums here: [20]. I sectionlinked to the section above the one I wanted (ignore “WWE Raw” and read the one below) because Wikipedia doesn’t like exclamation marks for some reason. On that page, all three sections under “RE: You can get on my nerves!!!” are mildly fun to watch. Comments like “I don’t want that picture deleted” are pretty standard from Timed Explosion Kids in the middle of their cycle. For some reason, they decide they’re established editors, and start to throw their weight around a bit. The trouble is, they don’t really have any weight, and as soon as the real admins bring them in line with real policies, they get angry.

HM has a bit of a break from being interesting for a few days. However, nature is against him — he is rapidly approaching the end of his cycle, and will soon explode all over their nice clean wiki.

During this time, HM keeps his hand in by shouting at a random bystander ([21]) and being told where he can shove it ([22]). Neat, self-contained lulz.


HOLY WARFARE, BATMAN

In June, HM also argues with a few editors on the wrestling pages, but I’m going to skip over that because it pales in comparison to the lulzfest that is looming over us. You remember that stuff about child pornography, right?

On June 23rd, HM advises Wikipedia to delete NRT6 2001.jpg (the same pic from earlier) or be prosecuted ([23]). That’s right: he went there. His comment on that page fails to interest anyone, but HM is already moving into pre-explosion mode.

HM adds a speedy delete tag to NRT6 2001.jpg. This edit is impossible to link to, because the history for this file is absent, for reasons I cannot explain. This is a feature I haven’t seen on any wiki before. We only know of HM’s speedy delete tag because of this comment ([24]) telling him it was removed.

The discussion moves to HM’s talk page ([25] and [26] — I had to use two links because HM deceitfully archived in the middle of the conversation.) and the Files for Deletion page ([27])

Go ahead: lap it up. It is classic lulz. I drink this discussion in the same way I would usually drink a can of Sprite. Open these pages and treat yourself. It’s been a long day and you deserve it.

Highlights!

  1. HM sternly telling admins that the image “sould be quickly deleted if Wikipedia is to survive!”.
  2. HM gets technical — “It's child porno because the girls naked”.
  3. HM is fine with legal threats “If it's what it take to get this place justified”
  4. HM is a political prisoner — “DO NOT BLOCK ME. I'M JUST TRYING TO AN OFFENSIVE PHOTO DELETED PLUS I DEFINE CHILD PORNO AS A NAKED CHILD!!”
  5. User:Kurykh makes me giggle — “DO NOT SCREAM AT ME, PLEASE.”
  6. HM makes me cringe so very much — “According to my Mother who has been both molested and had Child Porno picture taken of her, That photo fall under the Florida Law def. of Child Porno!!!”
  7. HM brings in the heavy weaponry — “I can get my Uncle Greg involved who has a License to practice law in both Florida and North Carolina.”
  8. HM fights the power while channeling Limp Bizkit — “Fine ya'll wanna be that way? Those of ya'll that live in Tampa, FL pay attention to local news. Expect trouble. And by the way. WP policy says it's allowed as long as it complies with Florida Law which this photo doesn't!”
  9. HM comes so close to an important revelation — “It's child porn I don't know how else to prove it to you cause everything I throw at you, you freakin counter!!”
  10. HM makes me reach for the brain bleach — “that picture's gotten me in trouble with my mom because I'm 16 if you know what I mean”
  11. HM refers us to his boss — “it's also a matter that God's telling I should get it deleted!”
  12. HM breaks the shift key while planning revolution — “SERIOUS NOTE:I'd just thought you'd like to know in about a month I will be Interviewed by News Channel 8 about this photograph. Until then have a Jesus Filled Day!”

Oh god. This lulz is so delicious. I couldn’t eat another bite.

But I will. I must. Because HM holds another entirely separate meltdown on the exact same day. What are the odds?

If you scroll down to the very end of the discussion I linked to on HM’s talkpage, you’ll see that the last comment is the admin Riana saying “Another thing - your userpage reveals considerable personal information about yourself. As a minor, you should be more careful. If you like, I can delete it for you and you can start from scratch with less revealing information.” HM basically ignores her and continues arguing with people about the definition of child pornography (to be fair, how could they have known that child pornography can only be defined by a random teenager from Florida?).

Eight minutes later, Riana deletes HM’s userpage for reasons she declined to discuss publicly (presumably it contained personal information that Wikipedia couldn’t allow on a minor’s userpage). HM finally explodes.

The whole discussion is here: [28]. It’s even better than the last one. Dive in.

More highlights!

  1. HM comes out shouting — “My parents okayedit and that's all that matter's now put it back!!!!”
  2. Coredesat rebuts him — “Your parents are not Wikipedia editors or admins and do not trump WP:NOT and WP:USER.”
  3. HM ignores policy in favor of more shouting — “It's my userpage it was the way I want it. My parents have athourity over me more than any of you! NOW PUT IT BACK!!!!”
  4. HM pesters Kurykh to help him — [29]
  5. HM pesters Bulletproof to help him — [30]
  6. HM pesters Jimmy fucking Wales to help him — [31]
  7. HM regresses to a childhood state — “I spend days putting that userpage togeth to get it the way I want it. And they deleted it *crys*! All I want is it put back the way it was!!! I violated not rules *sobs* just put it back!”
  8. Coredesat tires of the explosions — “I've blocked you for 12 hours for your continued incivility and disruption at the IFD. When the block expires, please come back with a cooler head.”
  9. HM is a dick — “I'm moraly right not Hot Headed!”
  10. HM becomes a hero — “As God as my witness I WILL get that photo deleted!!!”
  11. Hilarious non-heroic afterthought — “Also, could you at least reduce it cause 12 hours seems a bit extreme.”
  12. Deskana explains reality — “Wikipedia is a privately owned website, that is editable by the public. The US laws on free speech do not apply.”
  13. ...and is ignored — “Proof?”
  14. HM practises guerilla warfare, but is caught by Deskana — “If User:72.184.88.30 is you, you are not allowed to edit while blocked. Evading your block is grounds to have your block extended.”
  15. HM continues abusing his imaginary status — “That rule needs to change to where you can only edit your userpage when blocked.”
  16. And finally, Coredesat cuts off my lulz — “Per the guideline WP:AGF, you and your IP have been unblocked. However, please keep in mind the advice other editors have given you here, and present your arguments in a more civil tone. Failure to do so could lead to re-blocking later, but hopefully that won't have to happen.”


THE CYCLE BEGINS AGAIN

After that, HM simmers down for a bit. Any Timed Explosion Kid has the potential to loop back to their starting position after reaching critical mass, and HM is a good example of this. Having exploded all over the wiki, HM becomes apologetic and productive all over again. On June 24th, he pesters Jimmy Wales again ([32]) socializes with ubiquitous WikiQueen Alison ([33]) and joins WikiProject Florida ([34]).

Alison, being a fundamentally nice person, indulges him for a bit, and makes him his very own navigation bar for his userspace, which is now deleted. She is also responsible for most of the help he receives with his userpage — both making it look good and keeping it from violating important policies. This will be important later. I like Alison.

On June 26th, HM exchanges images based on personal preference again ([35]) and gets told off by someone who knows about copyright policy ([36]). You’ll notice that, despite being 100% wrong, it takes HM a while to get used to the fact that he isn’t going to get his way. This isn’t so lulzy, but it’s all part of the big picture.

Much more lulzy is the conversation HM has with Dandelion, the guy who uploaded his least favorite picture. Find it here: [37]. There’s only five comments, but they’re full to bursting with lulz. Oh my god.

Highlights!

  1. HM does the catchphrase for his fans — “Have a Jesus filled day!!!”
  2. HM makes me want to tweak his ears — “Not according to the Police and Media I've contacted but, you go ahead and live in your fantasy world”
  3. HM clarifies the details of his holy mission — “I WILL GET THAT PHOTO DELETED!!!And by the way, if you were a Christian you'd know God would frown on that photo! He's the one that told me to fight so hard to get it deleted. Thank You!”
  4. Dandelion knows the score — “Make sure you mention that Jesus told you to delete the image on the debate page.”
  5. HM rounds off the perfect conversation — “Most of these people son't believe in Jesus so it wouldn't matter, PLUS, it was God that told me not Jesus.”

Dude, it’s an image of some nudists on a day trip. Let it go.

Moving right on, June 26th also sees our hero indulging his hobby of pretending to be an administrator — [38] & [39]. By the 28th, he’s openly discussing this — [40]. Terrifying, isn’t it?

On June 30th, HM decides to stretch the rules a little in order to get his userpage looking how he wants, and is told off by Deskana, who I am starting to like more and more. Discussion is here ([41]) and includes another block.


HELLO PUNISHMENT I AM FEELING GLUTTONOUS TODAY

Emboldened by this questionable victory, HM submits his second request for adminship the next day (July 1st). Find it here: [42]. It is the massacre you would expect. This time he gathers eight oppose votes, and none supporting or neutral. This page is the first time I’ve ever seen someone use “Strongest possible oppose” as their vote. One voter votes “Oppose” and then retracts this vote in order to vote “Very strong oppose”. It’s like something out of the Godfather. All that, and voting was only open for 57 minutes.

Highlights!

  1. HM unwittingly identifies work he is least likely to do — “Maintianing the paramiter and policies of Wikipedia.”
  2. HM rejects our reality and substitutes his own — “Yes, I dealt with it by relizing I'm only 16 and I may not know as much as they do. So, I take a break and cool down and when I've cooled down, I come back and talk like the MATURE TEENAGER I am!”
  3. HM just wants nuclear weapons — “If I abuse just take them away and I'll go back to normal just please give me a chance...you won't be sorry!”
  4. Alison makes my head spin by mentioning tantrums that even I missed — “Furthermore, your treatment of User:BaRiMzI only two hours ago almost had you blocked for revert-warring and incivility.”
  5. Kurykh torments me with a vision of what could have been — “I was almost about to block this user indefinitely in exasperation if I didn't step away and go to sleep during the image incident.”

Just minutes after his RfA is closed, HM decides to show willing by signing up to a teaching project -- the “Editor Review” system. His page is here: [43]. HM only has four comments there — one starting the page, and three more denying any wrongdoing. Excellent progress then. User:Dfrg.msc helps out by giving HM a quiz on the minutiae of speedy deletion, but HM has already gotten bored, and so his comment goes unanswered. Admittedly, it was a whole four days later, but seriously HM, pay attention. Editor review is for life, not just for Christmas.

Bonus lulz — HM’s comments there were actually “improved” from his first attempt ([44]) after User:Corvus cornix (nice guy, good taste in lolcats [45]) told him off for personal attacks ([46]). CC is asking HM to admit personal responsibility for something, so this can’t possibly go anywhere good. And indeed it doesn’t — HM spends the whole conversation whining that he didn’t commit any personal attacks and makes it clear he’s only rewording the comments because he’s being forced. Oooh, bad karma.

We are about to witness the second explosion. This one is even bigger, measuring a 4.2 on the Mei Scale. However, we are not going to witness it right now because I am tired and confused by tracking down all this history.

A future post, "Spotting WikiFauna, Part II", will wrap up the story of Hornetman16. After that, I will do examples of the other Fauna as well. I have some other long stories to tell, but probably not as long as this one. This one was pretty long. You know those letters on your keyboard? Mine are all gone because of typing this long story. Don't end up like me.

--23:55, 26 March 2010 (UTC)

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Talk


I have thus urge to hug him before placing a pillow over his face. I look forward to the second part ConcernedresidentAsk me about your mother 00:52, 27 March 2010 (UTC)
I agree. That is the thing about Hornetman. He doesn't actually mean any harm, he just doesn't know how to listen to people. He kinda reminds me of CUR, except CUR was never that explosive. CUR is quite a modestly sized Explosion Kid. Mei (talk) 23:02, 27 March 2010 (UTC)
Yeah, I suppose it's the whole Internet thing. People can jump in to a conversation or a group without usual barriers to entry. I like that, in that it reduces barriers and leaves us open to surprises, but it does leave people like him open to ridicule. Perhaps he'll learn something from it. We all do silly things in the past and we're mostly good at not noticing the present. --ConcernedresidentAsk me about your mother 02:05, 28 March 2010 (UTC)
In a few years, I'll be regretting most of the things I'm doing now. I did feel a bit bad about making fun of him, but since I originally found this whole story from links he gave on Conservapedia I think he should have expected it. Maybe that is one of the things I will regret? Mei (talk) 02:02, 29 March 2010 (UTC)

How nice of you to think about me. Not.--24.92.213.47 (talk) 03:24, 24 July 2010 (UTC) (Christianrocker90 aka HM)