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Christ died so that we may
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A multi-chef broth
Devil's in the details
The pearly gates
So wrong. So wrong.
Easter is a wonderful time of year. It is marked by an anthropomorphized rabbit that brings chocolate and pastel coloured eggs to all of the little Christian boys and girls of the world. Easter also has something vaguely to do with Jesus.

Easter is basically the ultimate BDSM holiday for Christians. They get to watch (or imagine) their God getting whipped almost to death. Then He has to drag the cross upon which He will be tied and left to die upon up a hill, where it will be planted in the ground, and He gets tied up on it. Then He suffers for Your (oops, sorry "you" ain't important enough to be capitalized!) sins for many steadfast hours. In the end he chickens out (it would take much longer for a human to die under such circumstances — such was the nature of Roman crucifixion) and commends his spirit back to his Dad. A couple of days later (three, supposedly — the whole Good Friday thing is badly interpreted) he lumbers around, and shows a few (hundred?) friends his nail wounds. This is the mythical equivalent of swimming in freezing water, and other 'extreme' sports.

After thousands of years, people still are awed by "stigmata" (which, by the way, is an awesome song).


[edit] Two Easters for the price of One!

Eastern Orthodox Christianity celebrates Easter after the Roman Catholic and Protestant churches, so they can buy their chocolate rabbits and marshmallow Peeps on sale because they still use the Julian calendar as opposed to the Gregorian calendar. The Soviet Union celebrated "Red October" in November for similar reasons.

[edit] Jews and Easter

According to the King James Version of the Bible, even Jews like King Herod celebrated Easter for a time!

Acts 12:3-4 And because he saw it pleased the Jews, he proceeded further to take Peter also. (Then were the days of unleavened bread.) And when he had apprehended him, he put him in prison, and delivered him to four quaternions of soldiers to keep him; intending after Easter to bring him forth to the people.

[edit] Origin of "Easter" and the "bunny"

Ostara (1884) by Johannes Gehrts. Notice the contrast in mood between the imagery of the original fest, and of the Middle East cult that hijacked it.

The Venerable Bede, who had an unfortunate habit of just making shit up, states that the festival of Easter was named after the ‘old observance’ of Ēostre’s feasts during the month of Eosturmonath. He does not say that anything survived of these feasts except that name. And two lines of Bede is our sole source for a goddess called Ēostre.

Jacob Grimm, in the 19th century, reconstructed (that is, had no direct evidence of) a Germanic goddess called Ôstara. Adolf Holtzmann, writing in 1874 in German Mythology, states "The Easter Hare is unintelligible to me, but probably the hare was the sacred animal of Ôstara. But even Holtzmann was using "probably" in the sense of "sounds like a plausible story to me" — Satyrae Medicae XX (1722) includes a chapter on Easter and mentions the Easter Hare (Osterhase) as a local Westphalia custom: adults leave painted eggs amongst the trees for the kids to find. No goddesses, just a local tradition.

The word used for "Easter" in most European languages is a cognate of "Pesach": Spanish "Pascua," French "Pâques," Italian "Pasqua," Russian "Pasha," Modern Greek "Pascha," Turkish "Paskalya," even the Dutch and Swedish "Pasen" and "Påsk" and the Irish and Welsh "Cáisc" and "Pasg". In a few languages, such as Spanish, the phrase used for Passover even translates to "Jewish Easter." This is not to say that elements of preexisting mythologies don't enter into the festival, but these mostly come via English and American influence, as befits a Zoroastrian corruption of Judaism filtered through a Platonist lens.

But, according to the video below, there may be another explanation for the Easter bunny. And why dogs can't eat chocolate. (Who knew?)

Jack Chick's take on Easter.

[edit] See also

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