Fun:Conservapedia as Hogan's Heroes

This Conservapedia-related article is of largely historical interest and is no longer the focus of RationalWiki today. Conservapedia (and religious fundamentalism to an extent) was a major focal point in the early history of RationalWiki, but long ago ceased coming up with new ways to appall and amuse. Our energies are now spent debunking other, fresher examples of pseudoscientific claims, authoritarianism, and deceit. For RationalWiki's less ancient content, try the Best of RationalWiki.

For those who've never watched the comedy Hogan's Heroes, you will have to go here and watch a few episodes in order for this analysis to make any sense. This article is a comparison of characters from Hogan's Heroes to users on Conservapedia.

Godwin disclaimer

Please note that while people may call a Godwin for comparing certain people to fictional Nazi characters, the fact that some are Nazis is purely coincidence. Rather, the point of this article is to compare the personalities and plot of the show to personalities and plots at Conservapedia.

Background

When one watches episodes of Hogan's Heroes, they begin to get a feel for the different personalities of the main characters. For example, they realize that Colonel Klink, though the commandant of Stalag 13, is a clueless, bumbling fool. In a historical context, this was no accident, as it was the only request of actor Werner Klemperer (a descendant of Jews who, himself, had to flee Nazi Europe) that Klink be made a complete fool who, in the end, would never succeed. This is contrasted to POW commandant Colonel Hogan (portrayed by Bob Crane) who allowed Klink to think he was in charge when it is apparent on the show that Stalag 13 is actually run by the POWs. With that, some RationalWikian was recently watching some episodes, and it got the wheels turning; how sooooo many Hogan's Heroes characters are similar to Conservapedians. Therefore, an article comparing, contrasting and analyzing the similarities of Hogan's Heroes characters to Conservapedians was created.

The Germans

Let's start with an analysis of the German characters and their Conservapedian counterparts.

Colonel Klink is Andy Schlafly

Andy is an utter buffoon, just like Klink, who doesn't even know what is going on under his own nose, and even due to his orders. Andy, however, wears "two-eyes" glasses, while Klink only needed a monocle to not be able to see a damn thing. Andy thinks he is in charge of Conservapedia, just like Klink thinks he has control over Stalag 13. But, of course, this is his own delusion. As is his delusion that Conservapedia is liberal free, which is comparable to Klink's "There has never been a successful escape from Stalag 13!"

Sergeant Schultz is Ken "Conservative" DeMyer

"I know nothing. I see nothing. Nothing! Thanks for the chocolate bar." 'Nuff said. Like Ken, Schultz is not the smartest crayon in the box, often choosing ignorance in the face of evidence to the contrary. However, also like Schultz, Ken DeMyer gains a certain amount of sympathy in that he is not like the other German Conservapedians in his overall manner; more like somebody who just happens to be a conservative on Conservapedia than like his more authoritarian, power-mad Conservapedian colleagues.

Major Hochstetter is TK

Major Hochstetter works for the Gestapo, and is perennially disgusted with Klink's softness and incompetence. If he only stuck around Stalag 13 for long enough, he could probably destroy Hogan's operation. As far as personality goes, Hochstetter is seemingly a humorless, sadistic military officer with a penchant for being cruel and threatening in his encounters with other characters. Exactly like Terry Koeckritz. Since TK's untimely departure from the mortal realm, however, it doesn't seem as if there are any obvious takers on being the next Hochstetter, but this could change.

General Burkhalter is other various sysops

Burkhalter, while more competent than Klink, and more powerful, is all wrapped up in his fiefdom and maintaining his authority, as opposed to actually taking honest action or a risk. He is likely a composite character representing several other people on Conservapedia.

Karajou as Burkhalter

One may argue Karajou is the perfect General Burkhalter; Karajou has certainly done some things that one might consider useful to Conservapedia, but he especially likes to throw around his power to prove how cool he is. Plus, Karajou is an ideal Burkhalter for his throwing around of his supposed Navy record as the final say on anything military, just as Burkhalter throws around his rank as final say.

The POWs

Trent is obviously Col. Hogan, leading us all in bizarre acts of sabotage wandalism, always demure and sexy, getting all the girls, and being murdered in real life by a jealous party friend.

The rest of us are the mixed bag of multi-racial, multi-ethnic, multi-national smart motherfuckers who can fix shit like MacGyver never dreamed of.

Obviously, IceWedge is Carter, who can build a bomb or bug out of pine needles and bad coffee.

Also equally obvious, captain, Nx is Kinch, the communications-and-radio savvy POW who can build a radio out of three hairpins and a piece of cardboard,and is responsible for getting communications to and from the POW's outside contacts by enabling communications across all of Europe, nay, the entire world..

Minor characters associated with the Underground

It is clear that SusanG is the hot French contact Hogan never manages to hook up with.