Essay:Creationist to Rationalist Translation Guide

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Essay.svg This essay is an original work by --Rationalzombie94 (talk) 04:48, 10 December 2016 (UTC).
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This is not an actual essay but is supposed to be humorous and snarky

Creationist/Fundie Language Rationalist Translation
The Bible is true because it says it is true Circular Logic
The world should be ran under Christian law Freedom is evil and people are not allowed to have independent thoughts
Evolution is religion and cannot be proven Religion is based on hard science
Gays are evil because the bible says so We take some bible verses then distort them to fit our political agenda
Science was wrong before i.e God of the Gaps argument
Rock Music is sinful and the Devil's music We don't like it so you cannot like it
Marriage must be biblical in nature This means marriage must go by what a book says and it must be unhappy
Women are meant to serve men Women are objects and have no feelings or opinions
Science is evil Science is evil unless it benefits us
Family Values are important What we mean is, you have no choice on your spiritual path, you must follow someone's individual take on Christianity and abuse is okay
Sex outside marriage is sinful You must ignore all biological instinct
Creationist approach to scientific research Distorting the scientific method to fit predetermined conclusions
The bible is literal Only when convenient and lets ignore the ban on shrimp
Non-Christians are wrong i.e Ignore any bible verses about being judgemental
Education from a Biblical worldview We must shove religion into every academic subject
God loves us all Except any non-Fundie Christians
There are signs of the apocalypse occurring We ignore the fact that natural disasters occur from time to time
No questioning authority Because finding out why something is being done is evil
You must not question the Bible Because independent thought and critical thinking is terrible and sinful
Transgender is against God, God does not make mistakes We have no specific bible verses on the subject but transgender is wrong anyways
Paganism is evil and they must be converted! Believing in multiple Gods in wrong but we take Pagan holidays and customs then say they are Christian
Right to Die is wrong, life is precious We want to force people to accept our views and allow them to suffer from disease where they will die anyways
America is a Christian nation But we ignore the constitution and what it says (such as, "Congress shall not respect the establishment of a religion or prohibit the free exercise there of")
The Earth is 6000 (or 10,000) years old We examine geological knowledge, take bits and pieces from said knowledge and mix it in with religious quackery.