Essay:I Once Was Christian

Part 1: Why I am what I am.

I am an Atheist, and very strong in my views. But I wasn't always. I used to be christian. I used to go to church frequently, sing in the church's choir, participate in church plays, go to sunday school, and even go to church on christmas morning, only an hour after opening presents. Why did I turn around from this path? Quite simply, I am, and always have been, inquisitive and curious. I eventually became sick of never getting a real answer to anything. I remember the nice lady who taught sunday school telling us about praying to God, and when she told us that if we listened closely, we could hear god answer our questions, I actually DID attempt to hear said words of God. They weren't audible. After about 4 years of going to church, I eventually heard OTHER ideas of how the world came to be, and realized that the idea of evolution made much more sense than everything being created by a God.

So by the age of about 8 or so, I was an Atheist, though I didn't know of the term back then. I officially stopped believing in God, and officially considered it absurd.

Then, 1 year later I stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy, then later that year came the Easter Bunny, and finally, Santa Claus.

The Tooth fairy was disproven when I found the plastic cup of toothpaste I left as an offering for her in the trash can of my parents' bathroom.

The Easter Bunny, I don't remember the details, but I THINK... I'm not SURE, but I THINK that one of my younger brothers caught my parents bringing the stuff down.

Santa Claus was a real fighter. I stayed believing in him until like, the 7th grade or so. He seemed by far the most plausible of the 4. Here's what I reasoned:

1: First off, the amount of time he has to deliver the presents is GROSSLY understated. They say it's like 6 to 4 hours, when actually it's more than a DAY. There are 24 hours worth of time zone difference between the first place to wake up on christmas morning, and the last place. Considering this, the idea of this yearly gift extravaganza just got 1/5 to 1/6 as absurd.

2: Second, of the 4 mythical beings in question, Santa is the only human. Fairies and giant rabbits are one thing, but it's harder to say a human being does not exist.

3: If there WERE a hidden race of human-like elves, it wouldn't be a big stretch. Suppose during the time of the huge stretch of ice connecting Asia to North America, some early humans were left behind. If they survived today, the harsh conditions would have made life survival of the fittest at the extreme, and such creatures would have our general shape, but would have to be stronger, smarter, and better at keeping warm, possibly through control of fat and energy reserves. Santa may be their leader, being the fattest, (thus warmest), and biggest and strongest.

4: Santa and his Homo-Elvians would far surpass us in intelligence, and have far superior technology to ours. Also considering that the elves have over a year to prepare for the big delivery, an entire race working together on it could easily accomplish this task.

5: They don't deliver presents to EVERY family in the world, just the ones which celebrate christmas. This significantly eliminates a large percentage of many countries, including a good portion of Asia, the largest and most populous continent in the world.

6: They live in the north pole, the perfect place to fly planes from without leaving the time zones where people are sleeping.

7: Who says Santa has to do all the work? With an entire RACE helping him, the entire operation would be a trivial matter.

To answer the final issue, why would a race far superior to us in every way devote their life to giving us presents?

Think about it. Two dominant races would inevitably go to war, and an intelligent race that believes in the power of teamwork would certainly want to avoid bloodshed on either side. By hiding their existence and giving us presents, we don't know who is the source, but we know they mean us no harm. Also consider that they are FAMOUS. Santa Claus is a name known by pretty much anybody who can talk. There are more google image search results for him than for JESUS. Kids everywhere adore him. We make adorable TV specials about him. Who wouldn't want to be treated like that?

Anyway, I eventually found out he wasn't real when I watched my parents bring the presents downstairs through my open bedroom door.

That's about all for now, I'll write more in a later installment.