|This is a collaborative essay. However, if you don't concur with the premise, please do not undermine the essay with edits in the essay itself...but you may attempt to snark, debunk, and/or do whatever on the talk pages. Whether or not you concur, you are welcome to improve the essay itself, but please avoid parody, however tempting that might be. Thanks, HeartOfGold.THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS|
If you visit a University campus, you have probably noticed that freshmen guppy up during the first weeks on campus. If you've witnessed a wikipedia RFC, you've probably noticed that wikipedians swarm. And if you've studied conservapedia administration, you've probably noticed that conservapedians form packs that rarely challange alpha dogs.
Human beings create hives.
- 1 The Swarm
- 2 How it works: An example
- 3 Methods and Case studies
- 3.1 Chairman Mao's Great Leap Forward
- 3.2 DDT
- 3.3 Evolution
- 3.4 Richard Dawkins
- 3.5 Toe the line or die
- 3.6 The Gate Keepers
- 3.7 The Conductors
- 3.8 Historical figures
- 3.9 Let the bodies hit the floor
- 4 References
- 5 Sources
- 6 See also
While some evil geniuses think they have an idea of where their actions are leading, largely, the vast communist consensus operates as a swarm. Observed swarm synchronization leads some outsiders to conclude that there is a communist conspiracy. Such conspiracy theories are then gleefully denounced by members of the swarm. Paradoxically, or at least confusingly, some in the swarm actually think there is a conspiracy, and believe that by throwing around the pejorative "conspiracy theory," they are actually protecting the non-existent conspiracy. Funny, sad, but true.
How it works: An example
One way this works is intelligent liberals enter academia and publish goofy studies with foregone conclusions. A Syndey Morning Herald article, Human greed takes lion's share of solar energy, describes one such study that determined that mankind is using more than its fair share of sunshine. Later, slightly less intelligent bureaucrats in government agencies regulating "natural resources" write semi-intimidating letters to municipalities asking city councils to regulate the amount of sunshine used for gardening, recommending, for example, progressive sunshine fees, also known as "sunshine conservation pricing". Elected municipal leaders go along with the scheme, and if any of their constituents complain, municipal leaders feign to be puppets of the natural resource department, shrug, and take cover behind the Natural Resources letter.
A hypothetical (for the time being) example of one "progressive" sunshine fee schedule follows:
|Garden Size||Sunshine Permit Fee|
|5 square feet or less||$3|
|5-10 square feet||$9|
|10-15 square feet||$27|
|15-20 square feet||$81|
|20-25 square feet||$243|
|Each additional 5 square feet||$Arm or $Leg|
Methods and Case studies
Swarm members' actions demonstrate that they hate human beings. For example, they worship mosquitoes, providing them with habitat (read: swamps, or the swarm friendly euphemism "wetland") and outlawing DDT.
Chairman Mao's Great Leap Forward
Pots and Pans
During the great leap forward, families had their cooking utensils confiscated, and groups of several families were forced into sharing communal kitchens for efficiency's sake. The extra pots and pans were melted, and the resultant useless alloys were secretly discarded. Chairman Mao did not come up with this idea, however. Roosevelt tried it first in the United States during World War II on a smaller scale, with public relation campaigns designed to boost morale by having households donate their excess kitchen utensils, ostensibly to improve combat helmet production.
Even though communal kitchen schemes do not work well (see any college dorm floor kitchen), liberals today are repackaging the scheme for use in soviet style high density housing (known as "condos" by the swarm), as well as common bathrooms, as part of larger sustainable energy engineering (SEE) initiatives.
Kill the birds (an impudent proposal)
In a particularly idiotic swarm move, Chairman Mao convinced his nation that birds were affecting crop yields. A three day national campaign was organized to kill the birds. Almost the entire nation participated, including children climbing trees to destroy nests, and older folks banging objects whenever a bird attempted to land nearby. Reports of birds literally falling from the sky due to exhaustion were common. Many birds died. The next year, the locusts came. Confronted with a decimated bird population, they flourished, crops suffered, famine ensued, and the people starved. Some starving rural families exchanged infants in an attempt to mollify the emotional sting of eating them.
DDT was so effective at killing mosquitoes and preventing the spread of disease such as typhus, malaria, and lyme disease that Paul Hermann Müller won the Nobel Prize in Physiology in 1948 for it. I mean, the stuff saved lives. Especially children. This angered some evil geniuses, and in 1962, American biologist (there's a clue) Rachel Carson had her book Silent Spring published. The book exaggerated the effects of DDT, and made an argument from ignorance on the unknown long-term consequences of using DDT. Unfortunately, nobody stopped to worry about the long-term consequences of not using DDT, and 20,000,000 children died preventable deaths.
Toe the line or die
Richard Sternberg was the managing editor of a biological journal and supervised the publication of a paper by an intelligent design proponent. Consequently, Richard Sternberg was subjected to the swarm inquisition, tarred, feathered, quartered, and publicly flogged as a creationist.
Robert Gwaldz will soon be coerced into recanting counter revolutionary ideas, or attacked as a pseudoscientist and closet believer in God for daring to suggest that DDT restrictions led to the deaths of 20,000,000 children.
The Gate Keepers
Dr. Michael Dini
The infamous Dr. Michael Dini is a swarm drone whose swarm function is to prevent students who believe in God from becoming medical doctors.
Dr. Eugenie Scott
Dr. Eugenie Scott, who lives in Berkeley, CA (another clue), is head of the NCSE. The government sounding "National Center for Science Education" is in fact a propagandist swarm organization devoted to ensuring that evolutionary theory continues to be taught in furtherance of perceived swarm objectives.
Dr. Scott and others at the NCSE probably control upto fourteen meat- and sock-puppet accounts at Wikipedia, but wikipedians deny this.
Early Evolutionary Propagandists
Darwin's Bulldog. Between "working man" lectures propagandizing for Darwinism, Huxley bragged that he would have low intelligence workers convinced they were monkeys "by next Friday." Huxley also pontificated that Christianity was "a compound of some of the best and some of the worst elements of Paganism and Judaism, moulded in practice by the innate character of certain people of the Western World."
Ernst Heinrick Haeckel
The most rabid atheist/Darwinist was the German, Ernst Heinrick Haeckel, a professor of biology, who dogmatically affirmed that nothing spiritual exists.
Jim Jones (founder of the People's Temple)
Ironically, Jim Jones, a swarm leader, would still be as venerated today as Kathleen Soliah--if it weren't for an incident involving kool aid. The swarm likes to talk about kool aid being served at Conservapedia, but Jim Jones, if alive today, would be more welcomed at Wikipedia and/or Rationalwiki than Conservapedia. Jim Jones was a communist, organized his church as a commune, and was well regarded by Mayor Willie Brown of San Francisco:
“”I have had the great pleasure of knowing a leader with tremendous character and integrity. . . Rev. Jones is regarded among government officials, civic and religious leaders, and particularly the black community and working class people, with utter respect for what he has done to upgrade the quality of life in our area and to bring greater health and well-being to thousands of poor, minority, and disadvantaged people. -- Willie Brown Jr., Californian Assemblyman (before he became mayor of San Francisco)
“”a combination of Martin King, Angela Davis, Albert Einstein, and Chairman Mao.-- Master of Ceremonies Willie Brown Jr. introducing Jim Jones at a testimonial dinner for Jones in September of 1976
For those unfamiliar with the Jonestown Massacre, Jim Jones served his drones the kool aid, then killed himself.
Abortion and Eugenics
Margaret Sanger supported infanticide, argued that the purpose of birth control was to "create a race of thoroughbreds", and advocated the extermination of "the Negro population." The swarm hero Margaret Sanger also started what became Planned Parenthood.
Let the bodies hit the floor
Below is a body count of the liberal versus conservative swarms.
- Leung 2007
- Based on a real world example in which progressive "conservation pricing" schemes were proposed for water.
- For example, the scare-mongering "Silent Spring" is widely credited with launching the "environmental movement" and being instrumental in barring of most DDT uses. Robert Gwadz of the National Institute of Health asserts that 20,000,000 children may have died as a direct result of DDT restrictions--as quoted in July 2007 National Geographic article on Malaria. See National Geographic article, page 4
- Fischer 1948
- Scott 2001, p. 245 Ms. Scott actually dismisses the defeat with "Gish had perfected a hugely effective technique for persuading the public that evolution was shaky science, and that folks should really consider his 'scientific alternative'", a poor face saving device common among liberal swarm leaders. For example, see recent rationalwiki debate regarding the laws of gravitation.
- Lectures were at the School of Mines. Huxley wrote that "My working men stick with me wonderfully, the house fuller than ever, By next Friday evening they will all be convinced that they are monkeys."
- a euphorian hive
- Sanger 1920, p. 63 "The most merciful thing that a large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it."
| Surname = Abelson | Given = Philip H. | Year = 1992 | Date = 1992-07-10 | Title = Editorial: The H.R. 776 Energy Legislation | Publisher = Richard S. Nicholson | Journal = Science | Volume = 257 | Issue = 5067 | Place = Bethesda, MD | URL = http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/reprint/257/5067/143.pdf }} Subscription required. Also, Facsimile retrieved on 2007-07-16
| Surname = Fischer | Given = G. | Year = 1948 | Title = The Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine 1948 Presentation Speech | Publisher = NobelPrize.org | Place = Bethesda, MD | URL = http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/medicine/laureates/1948/press.html }} Retrieved on 2007-07-17
| Surname = Keating | Given = Kay | Year = 1996 | Title = 1.6 Gallon, Low-consumption Toilets | Publisher = Toiletology.com | Place = Bethesda, MD | URL = http://www.toiletology.com/low-flow.shtml }} Retrieved on 2007-07-16
- Surname = Kontorovich
| Surname = Leung | Given = Chee Chee | Year = 2007 | Date = 2007-07-03 | Title = Human Greed takes Lion's Share of Solar Energy | Publisher = The Syndney Morning Herald | Place = Syndey, Australia | URL = http://www.smh.com.au/news/environment/human-greed-takes-lions-share-of-solar-energy/2007/07/02/1183351126304.html }} Retrieved on 2007-07-16
| Surname = Milwaukee Journal Sentinel | Given = The | Year = 1999 | Date = 1999-07-24 | Title = Gore's Canoe Gets a Lift From Opening of Dam | Publisher = The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. | Place = Milwaukee, WI }} Facsimile retrieved on 2007-07-16
| Surname = Morano | Given = Marc | Year = 2002 | Date = 2002-08-30 | Title = Introduction of the Flush Toilet Deplored at Earth Summit | Publisher = Cybercast News Service | URL = http://www.cnsnews.com/ForeignBureaus/Archive/200208/FOR20020830c.html }} Retrieved on 2007-07-18
| Surname = Morano | Given = Marc | Year = 2002 | Date = 2002-08-26 | Title = Environmentalist Laments Introduction of Electricity | Publisher = Cybercast News Service | URL = http://www.cnsnews.com/Culture/Archive/200208/CUL20020826b.html }} Retrieved on 2007-07-18
| Surname = Sanger | Given = Margaret | Year = 1920 | Title = Women and the New Race | Publisher = Truth Publishing Company | Place = New York, NY }} Facimile retrieved on 2007-07-16
- Surname = Scott
| Given = Eugenie C. | editor-last = Kurtz | editor-first = Paul | Year = 2001 | Contribution = My Favorite Pseudoscience | Title = Odysseys: Personal Accounts by the World's Leading Paranormal Inquirers | Publisher = Prometheus Books | Place = New York, NY | ID = ISBN 978-1573928847 }} Excerpt retrieved on 2007-07-17
| Surname = Shroades | Given = Renee L. | Year = 2006 | Title = Water-Use Strategies That Work | Publisher = Maintenance Soluitons | Place = Bethesda, MD | URL = http://www.facilitiesnet.com/ms/article.asp?id=5024&keywords=plumbing,%20water%20conservation,%20waterless,%20restrooms }} Retrieved on 2007-07-18
| Surname = USWNO | Given = Editor,U.S. Water News Online | Year = 1999 | Title = Bill introduced to repeal low-flow toilet requirement | Publisher = U.S. Water News Online | URL = http://www.uswaternews.com/archives/arcpolicy/9bilint11.html }}
- Lanier, Jaron DIGITAL MAOISM: The Hazards of the New Online Collectivism 05-30-2006
- Alternative Considerations of Joestown & Peoples Temple at San Diego State University
- Quotations from Mao Tse Tung at Marxists.org. (Direct link to PDF)
- H.R.623 To repeal Low flow toilet law, improve bathroom sanitation, and end artifically high demand for toilet plungers. Cosponsored by 34 Republicans and 4 Democrats.
- Cheesy propaganda film on low flow toilets
Liberals who don't understand math
- Example of a liberal who is bad at math. Gems include: "In Phoenix alone, per capita water consumption has fallen 27 percent since 1990, even as the population grew 33 percent" and "The thing saves water, enough in a household of five people to fill [a small] backyard pool by the end of the year." Stink over low-flow devices moot; they work