Fun:Andrew Schlafly/bustarhyme

Andrew Schlafly, Fresh Prince of Conservapedia

Is this what the admins
of Conservapedia live like?
Hmmm, this might be all right
Come by my crib
And get some Aschlafly-Doggin'
Tight as old school!

(Bring your own lotion, beotch)

Waxin' it old school, oh yeah!

Now this is a story all about how
The tubes got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how started Conservapedia, bane of liberals everywhere.

In West Illinois, born and raised
At my homeschool was where I spent most of my days
Indoctrinatin', proselytisin', evangelisin' all cool
And generally actin a bit of a tool
When a couple of liberals they were up to no good
Started opposin' prayer in my neighborhood
When my brother went gay, my mom said don't let him lead ya
"You're movin' out with ED and TK to start Conservapedia!"

I whistled for some help and when it came near
It was a damn huge cruiser with Karajou sittin there
I knew the ship was trustworthy, he wouldn't deceive ya
So I yelled out, "Yo Kara welcome home to Conservapedia!"

I'd picked all my admins by about 7 or 8
And I yelled to Wikipedi 'yo holmes smell ya later'
Looked at my kingdom, you know I'll never leave ya
I'll sit on my throne, the king of Conservapedia.

Poetry

In the year of His Lord

two thousand and six

Andy chose wikis

over other men's dicks

He furiously typed

and groom-ed his flock

one hand on the keyboard

the other, his cock Glock

And as he descended

into madness and fear

his delusions of grandeur

kept his enemies near

For enemies near

are enemies known

though socks are a bother

he feels not alone

but alone he is

in his tin-foil hat world

his libido tied down

his freak flag still furled.

till the end of his days

he'll remain wound up tight

his blog long forgotten

obscurity his plight.

The Haly Sysop's Prayer (Scots-English Dictionary)

O ye that in CP dis dwall,

That, as it pleases best yersel,

Maks ane a Sysop an sends ten tae hell

Aw for Thy glory,

An no for onie guid or ill

They've duin afore ye!

A bliss an ruise yer matchless micht,

Whan thoosands ye shut oot at nicht,

That A am here afore yer sicht,

For gifts an grace

A get tae write an lat licht

Tae aw this place.

What wis A, or ma generation,

That A shoud get sic exaltation?

A, that deserved maist juist damnation

For brakken laws

Sax thoosand year ere ma creation,

Throu Aidam's cause!

Whan frae Wikipedia A fell,

Ye micht hae plunged me deep in hell

Tae gnash my goums, an weep, an wail

Acause o blocks,

Whaur damned leeberals roars an yells,

Chyned tae their socks.

Yet A am here, a waled sample,

Tae shaw yer grace is great an ample:

A'm here a pillar o yer temple,

Strang as a rock,

A guide, a buckler, an example

Tae aw yer flock!

But yet O Laird confess I maun:

At times A'm fashed wi mense fou grawn;

An whiles, an aw, it gets me gaun,

Vile leeb'ral thochts gets in;

But ye mynd we are but brawn,

Defiled wi sin.

O Laird! yestreen, Ye ken, bi fegs! --

Yer pardon A sincerely begs --

A fund an edit tae be made

Tae ma dishonour!

An a finger A'll lift ne'er

Tae dae a keybuird sair.

Asides, A faurer maun avou --

Wrate Leeb'ral airticles, three times, A trew --

But, Laird, that Friday A wis fou,

Whan A did dite anew,

Or ense, Ye ken, yer servand true

Wad niver duin't athoot the brew.

Aiblins ye'll lat this fleshly thorn

Buffet yer servand e'en an morn,

Lest he ower prood an heich shoud turn

That he's sae giftit:

If sae, yer haund maun e'en be borne

Tae see he's blockit.

Laird, bliss yer chuisen in this place,

For here ye hae a chuisen race!

But Laird confoond their stubborn face

An blast their name,

That brings yer sysops tae disgrace

An open shame!

Laird, mynd Ice Wedge's deserts:

He drinks, an sweirs, an plays at cairts,

Yet haes sae monie takkin airts

Wi great an smaw,

Frae God's ain Priest the fowk's herts

He stowes awa.

An whan we chastent him therefore,

Ye ken hou he bred sic a splore,

An set CP in sic a roar

O lauchin at us:

Curse ye his basket an his store,

O antrin proxies!

Laird, hear ma earnest cry an prayer

Again that Presbyt'ry o het air!

Thon Rationalwiki, Laird, mak it bare

Upo their heids!

Laird, veesit them, an dinna spare,

For their misdeeds!

O Laird, ma God! that glib-tongued taiken,

Ma vera hert an flesh is quakin

Tae think hou we stuid sweitin, shakin,

An pished wi dreid,

While he, wi socks a-snakin,

Held up his heid.

Laird, in yer day o vengeance try him!

Laird, veesit him that did employ him!

An passna in yer mercy by them,

Nor hear their prayer,

But for yer sysops' sake destroy them,

An dinna spare!

But, Laird, mynd auld me an mine

Wi mercies temporal an divine,

That A for grace an gear micht shine

Excelled by nane;

An aw the glory shall be yer ain --

Amen, Amen!

Lickerims

There once was a pervert named Schlafly

Who treated his gerbil most roughly

It chewed through the string

He had tied to his thing

And now he sings soprano less gruffly

ħuman 19:50, 22 February 2009 (EST)

The Schlafly's Prayer

Our Schlafly, which art insane.

Valid be thy Username.

Thy admins come,

Thy will be done, in mainspace as it is in talk pages.

Give us this day our infinite block,

And forgive us our talk talk talk, as we forgive those who violate 90/10.

And lead us not into liberal deceit,

But deliver us from experts.

For thine is the Conservapedia, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.

Godspeed.