Fun:If Sherlock Holmes were a climate change denier

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Inspector Lestrade leads Sherlock Holmes and John Watson to the scene of a purported crime. A man lies dead on the floor, a knife buried deep in his chest; the room is in disarray and a vast pool of blood encompasses the corpse.

Watson: Clearly this man was murdered after a struggle. Are there are suspects as of yet?

Holmes: Watson, you simple man, what makes you certain a murder was committed?

Watson: Well the man is clearly dead, and-

Holmes: So you presume foul play...

Watson: Well, the knife...there was clearly struggle...

Holmes: Watson, Watson, Watson, are you entirely unaware that people have been dying 100% naturally for thousands of years or longer?

Watson: Yes, but-

Holmes: Yet despite completely confirmed natural deaths throughout recorded history - millions of them - you take exception at this particular case and make an outlandish claim that this man's death is somehow "man-made"?

Watson: Well look at the evidence!

Holmes: Evidence, my dear Watson, can be interpreted to show any result one presupposes.

Watson: He has a bloody knife in his chest!

Holmes: Which could easily have been planted by someone with a vested interest in seeing an innocent man behind bars.

Watson: Like who?

Holmes: Gaolers, for example. If people didn't commit crimes they would soon find themselves out of a job. They have every reason to make it appear that a crime has been committed.

Watson: So you're postulating that a collection of men from Clerkenwell broke into this office, found a dead man on the floor, and placed a knife in his chest minutes after he died naturally.

Holmes: By no means am I saying that did happen, only that it clearly could have happened. It is you who is stating in no uncertain terms that this case is a "murder". We obviously need to take several years to study this and find out if indeed this man died unnaturally. So far we've only had the testimony of our friend Lestrade (and we all know what sort of activity his livelihood depends on). Now, I know of a certain professor at the university - Moriarty I believe is his name - who has been gathering evidence for years that many so called "crimes" that have taken place in London are in fact natural events that have been blamed on unpopular people throughout the city in an effort to keep policemen and gaolers employed. Some of the Professor's own friends and employees have been victim to this scam. I think we should have Moriarty conduct an independent investigation into this. I think he'll find it very interesting. I'll just-

Watson: Oh sod it! [storms out]

Holmes: Ha! I knew he'd give up once we started examining the actual evidence!