Information icon.svg

Campaigning for the RationalMedia Foundation 2019 board of trustees election has begun. Ask questions, read slogans, and (un)endorse candidates!

Information icon.svg

RationalWiki has reached 7,000 articles!

Fun:National Lightsaber Association

From RationalWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
You don't need to do a background check. These aren't the lightsaber nuts you're looking for.

The National Lightsaber Association (or NLA) is a society and political organization dedicated to preserving our cherished Second Amendment right to own lightsabers, no matter what. They oppose any type of evil liberal lightsaber control legislation, since, in the wise words of Sheev Palpatine, Chancellor Emperor of the NLA:

"Lightsabers are mostly defensive. They don't kill people. Only Sith Lords use lightsabers for nefarious purposes. I am definitely not an evil Sith Lord".
— Sheev Palputin Palpatine

If we armed every American with a lightsaber, as the NLA suggests, and trained schoolteachers in the ways of the Force, we would eliminate school shootings. In fact, scientific studies have discovered that school shootings always occur in Lightsaber-Free Zones. In areas where lightsabers are permitted, this simply never happens. By eliminating the ban on bringing lightsabers to schools, students could protect themselves in case of an attack. After all, lightsabers are elegant weapons for a more civilized age.

Unfortunately, the Commie Liberal light side A-force-ist government is keen on enacting more anti-lightsaber legislation, and insist that lightsabers are too dangerous to be used by anyone other than well-trained authorities, in completete ignorance of the well-known fact that no lightsaber has ever been used to murder someone. At least, not in this galaxy...

Fortunately, evil Anti-chosen-one Obama's efforts to outlaw this mostly completely defensive weapon have been thwarted by the NLA's lobbying, sponsored by Senator Jar Jar Binks (R-Naboo), who denies any allegations of being a lightsaber owner himself, despite many rumors to the contrary...

See also[edit]