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Philosophy is to real life as masturbation is to sex.

  • Baby Philosophy: If it stinks, change it!
  • Cat Philosophy: When in doubt, cop an attitude!
  • Dog Philosophy: If you can't eat it or screw it, piss on it.
  • Frog Philosophy: Time's fun when you're having flies!
  • Conservative Philosophy: Do unto others (period!).
  • Murphy's Philosophy: Smile — tomorrow will be worse!
  • Potato Philosophy: I think, therefore I yam!
  • Hitchhiker's Philosophy: Time is an illusion. Lunch time, doubly so.
  • Objectivist philosophy: A is A, therefore free markets!

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