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Rugby is a game played by men with strangely-shaped balls

Rugby may refer to:

  • A famous public school railroad railway junction in England.
  • A 13-man game meant for hooligans played by hooligans.
  • A 15-man game meant for hooligans played by gentlemen.

Posh Englishmen play rugger. Everyone else plays rugby union.[1]

Origin of the game[edit]

William Webb Ellis, a schoolboy at Rugby School in the early 19th century, picked up the ball and ran with it. Of course, no-one else had ever done that before – ever, anywhere.

After Ellis scored the first-ever touchdown try, he picked up the ball, trotted over to the schoolmaster refereeing the game, and asked, "Please Sir, what do I with this next?" And that is why the rugby ball has that unusual shape.

Inferior variants[edit]

Rugby league[edit]

Rugby league was invented by Communists horny-handed sons of toil greedy bastards who objected to the idea that they should take time off work, without pay, to have their heads kicked in by aristocrats.

Thoughtful observers have suggested several ways in which this one-dimensional game might be improved as a spectator sport:[citation NOT needed]

  • Increase the number of players per side from 13 to 15.
  • Introduce a more competitive way of restarting play after the ball has gone into touch.
  • Play through the tackle.

American football[edit]

Two tumbleweeds rolling across the screen, from left to right.

Glossary of terms[edit]

  • Argy-bargy - violent and dangerous foul play (per TV commentator Bill McLaren)
  • Handbags - two players squaring up to each other and punching each other in the head
  • Hanky-panky - foul play (per Bill McLaren, again)
  • Maori side-step - evading a tackle by subtle footwork charging in with your knees pumping


When international referee Nigel Owens came out in 2007, hardly anyone noticed.

When Gareth ThomasWikipedia came out in 2009, typical reactions among rugby players and fans were:

  • Alfie is gay? thought so.
  • (Welsh and British Lions supporters) Did you have to retire from international rugby?
  • (Everyone else) Thank Christ he's retired from international rugby.
  • And?
  • He's not my type.

Fun facts[edit]

  • 'Number 8' is arguably the most boring positional title for a player in any team sport.

Post-match celebrations[edit]

Now that we've won, I plan to celebrate with a quiet pint. Followed by several increasingly noisy ones
—Attrib. Brian Moore

Rugby players are famous for their close-harmony renditions of traditional folksongs.[2]

See also[edit]

Forum:Analysis of the relative income streams of the National Football League and international rugby union


  1. Except for some people from remote backwaters with broken noses, missing teeth and incomprehensible accents who play rugby league.
  2. Rugby songs