“”Rugby is a game played by men with strangely-shaped balls
Rugby may refer to:
- A famous
public school railroadrailway junction in England.
- A 13-man game meant for hooligans played by hooligans.
- A 15-man game meant for hooligans played by gentlemen.
Posh Englishmen play rugger. Everyone else plays rugby union.
Origin of the game
William Webb Ellis, a schoolboy at Rugby School in the early 19th century, picked up the ball and ran with it. Of course, no-one else had ever done that before – ever, anywhere.
After Ellis scored the first-ever
touchdown try, he picked up the ball, trotted over to the schoolmaster refereeing the game, and asked, "Please Sir, what do I with this next?" And that is why the rugby ball has that unusual shape.
Rugby league was invented by
Communists horny-handed sons of toil greedy bastards who objected to the idea that they should take time off work, without pay, to have their heads kicked in by aristocrats.
Thoughtful observers have suggested several ways in which this one-dimensional game might be improved as a spectator sport:[citation NOT needed]
- Increase the number of players per side from 13 to 15.
- Introduce a more competitive way of restarting play after the ball has gone into touch.
- Play through the tackle.
Glossary of terms
- Argy-bargy - violent and dangerous foul play (per TV commentator Bill McLaren)
- Handbags - two players squaring up to each other and punching each other in the head
- Hanky-panky - foul play (per Bill McLaren, again)
- Maori side-step - evading a tackle by
subtle footworkcharging in with your knees pumping
When international referee Nigel Owens came out in 2007, hardly anyone noticed.
When Gareth Thomas came out in 2009, typical reactions among rugby players and fans were:
- Alfie is gay? thought so.
- (Welsh and British Lions supporters) Did you have to retire from international rugby?
- (Everyone else) Thank Christ he's retired from international rugby.
- He's not my type.
- 'Number 8' is arguably the most boring positional title for a player in any team sport.
“”Now that we've won, I plan to celebrate with a quiet pint. Followed by several increasingly noisy ones
|—Attrib. Brian Moore|
Rugby players are famous for their close-harmony renditions of traditional folksongs.
- Except for some people from remote backwaters with broken noses, missing teeth and incomprehensible accents who play rugby league.
- Rugby songs