User:Chasanidya/nudists
There is a deep, secret, and dastardly conspiracy going on right now, reaching all the way from back yards and specially designated beaches across the land. Well-funded lobbyists from pharmaceutical companies with deep pockets infest Washington D.C. to promote an agenda that will spell the end of America as we know it. Worried? Read on!
Executives for the pharmaceutical companies that make such sunblock/sunscreen products as "Keys Soap Solar RX Therapeutic Sunblock SPF 30, or "Trukid Sunny Days Facestick Mineral Sunscreen UVA/UVB Broad Spectrum SPF 30" know that their big fat sunscreen profits are constantly under attack by the likes of the fine folks at such companies as L.L. Bean, the Gap, &c, who are among the biggest threats to their livelihood and yes, even their big fat sunscreen profits!
So who do they turn to help them sock it to big cotton? Naturists! Nudists! FKK'ers!
At this moment, laws and regulations are being passed in favor of a clothing-optional beach here, reforms of indecent-exposure laws there; court rulings left, right and center striking down toplessness ordinances: all from politicians and judges with a Sunscreen Lobbyist whispering in his or her ear. Do you know how many people were arrested at the most recent World Naked Bike ride? No! Neither do I! Remember the Hays code? It used to be this nice regulation in place that kept the movies we take our families to clean and free of naughty parts. But nowadays, if you go to the movies or turn on the television it's nothing but Janet Jacksons' nipple at Super-Bowl Halftime (and no-one has yet to see the inside of jail on account of that, I might add) or Dennis Franz unclad tushie on NYPD Blue. All part of the Liberal Media's insidious efforts to normalise the nudist lifestyle. Before you know it, they will be legislating to legalise nude weddings, or to allow naturists to serve in the Armed Forces. And then what will happen to America's international security then? No camouflage = easy target for America's enemies, and believe me, they are just waiting for the opportunity!
If the naturists win, it will mean the collapse of the entire garmet industry, which according to 2007 reported statistics, employed over 5 million people, most of them students; students who depend on the income their jobs provide to pay for tuition, school-fees, school supplies, books, rent, food, heating, electricity, phone/Internet, and other miscellaneous scholastic expenses. Now, if every student in America suddenly finds themself (yes, that is a word!) unemployed - boom! no more education for anyone. Now, do you realise what will happen to the general level of education in this country if there were no more students? According to calculations by eminent and well respected sociologists, it will go down! That's right! Thanks to Neddie Nudie over there and his friend, Betsy-Birthday-suit, America will be forced to import smarter immigrants from such places as Latvia, Venezuela, or Nepal, or other places that are not in the secret grip of Zinc Oxide Tyranny!
And guess what happens when America is full of well-dressed, super-smart Latvians, Venezuelans, and Nepalese? Well, they will have no problem identifying which people get rounded up into the FEMA detention camps - it will be the ones with no tan lines! And that my friends, will be the end of the America than we love more dearly than our families.
Not true, you say? It couldn't possibly happen here, you say? Then show me one piece of evidence that conclusively shows that it is false! Just one little shred of evidence, that will conclusively and with perfect certainty show that we are not headed down this very slippery slope, that's all I ask.
No? Nothing? Then grab a camera and a placard, because I am going to tell you what needs to be done to save America!
Step one: Find the nearest mall and grab all of the latest and trendiest fashions available - hurry, there's no time to loose!
Step two: Find the nearest naturist recreation facility: it's easy, they have websites all over the Internets.
Step three: Get over there and start protesting! Don't forget to take lots of pictures, because you need to send these to friends and co-workers to convince them of the reality of the danger. It's one thing to tell some-one that America is under threat of naked aggression from an insidious and internal threat, but if you show him photographic evidence it will surely arouse his passion, his desire to save the homeland and he will surely leap into action!
I only hope it's not too late! And don't forget to send to your pal cha'SanID'ya as many photos as possible so that I can know that something is being done. Thank you all for your efforts!