Now that the Bureau of Vital Statistics of the State of Hawaii has released the birth certificate of Barack H. Obama's birth certificate, I now have no choice but to accept that he is in fact a natural born citizen of these United States and as such under the terms of Article II section 1 of the United States Constitution is eligible for the post of President.
But there's something the Liberal Media doesn't ever report: no Bureau of Vital Statistics, either domestic here in the U.S. or abroad (I'm looking at you, Department of Civil Registration, Republic of Kenya!) has ever produced a death certificate for this same Barack H. Obama. Now, under article 3 of the 20th amendment to the U.S. Constitution, if the President Elect is not alive at the time appointed for him or her to ascend to office, then the Vice-President Elect assumes office as President.
How do I know that a death certificate has been duly issued, but some unelected liberal government bureaucrat refuses to produce it, refuses to even acknowledge its existence? For all you and I know, there could be a Zombie living in the White House with its finger on the Button!
Consider the evidence:
There are are literally hundreds of thousands of death certificates sitting in archives across both America and the world. How can you know for certain (and by certain I don't mean, 'it's probably so') that none of them - not even one single one! - has the name Barack H. Obama on it? Try this exercise for fun: go to your local government archive bureaucracy building and ask them if they are willing to examine the entire stack of death certificates to prove that President Obama isn't on any of them. Do you think they will agree? Of course not!
Think also of the recent spate spate of zombie literature - books, movies, etc. Zombieland, staring Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson. Zombie Strippers, starring Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund (of Freddy Kreuger fame) and based on the delightful play by Eugene Ionesco about stripper rhinoceroses - but that's another story. Think also of such books as Max Brooks' World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, or Seth Grahame-Smith's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Who is behind this slew of Zombie-lifestyle-normalizing propaganda? Liberal Hollywood!
Before you know it, there will be legislation for zombie marriages, zombies adopting children, letting zombies serve in the Armed Forces! Just as an aside, let me tell you what's wrong with that last one. How are you going to enforce any Uniform Code of Military Discipline on the undead? Punish them by cutting off their food and water for a day if they mouth-off to their still warm and breathing officers? No, zombies don't eat. Throw them in the brig if they refuse to follow direct orders? Hah! A zombie wouldn't care! Threaten them with the death penalty if the go AWOL and slips across the border into Canada? Forget about that, my friend. Those pinkos up there won't even execute their own criminals!
Now my friends, you and I know that zombies are foul and disgusting things that do nothing to contribute to society - they come here to this country, and all they do is wander about the country side feasting on American educated brains forcing us to allow in more and more educated immigrants to counter this "brain-drain" And what do the powers-that-be do about it? Look at the recent immigration reforms proposed by our president: Lots of money for border patrol agents to chase Mexicans (who do not eat brains) and no resources what so ever for zombie hunters.
Think also of the recent Obama-initiated attempts at health care reform - remember those 'death panels' which will consist of the government bureaucrats that will review whether or not a particular person is allowed to see a doctor? Guess what their selection criteria are based on?
"You have no use to us and no place in the Zombie New World Order! The Doctor will see you tomorrow at 3pm!" "You have many talents, skills, abilities and connections that will serve our Zombie-overlord masters well! The doctor is very busy, and cannot possibly see you within the next six months."
Do you see where this is going? I warned you all a year ago, vote for McCain! But did you listen? I asked you all, "show me one piece of evidence that the Junior Senator from Illinois is not a member of the walking undead!" and no-one could produce even the tiniest shred of evidence against Obama being a Zombie. I then reminded you that, on the other hand, there is not even the slightest iota of evidence to even suggest that John McCain was a zombie. But you, the voting American public, did not listen to me.
And now you are stuck with a Zombie president; so don't blame cha'SanIDya when he starts to stack the Supreme Court with revenants and ghouls, okay? Thank you.