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CLoM » Lion awareness day
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Lion awareness day
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I can't write an actual update here, because there is a lion right behind you. Seriously, but don't look because he'll get angry.
Luckily I have prepared a lion-proof tent for this situation. The walls are made of sharks, which are the only animal known to hunt lions, and there is a decoy zebra nearby.
In the interests of sharing, I have prepared a lion checklist which might be helpful to you in this situation.
- Check for lions.
- Is there a lion?
- If so, proceed to step 2
- If not, remain calm, prepare area for the event of lions, possibly rent movie, depending on your mood and occupation.
- Is there a lion?
- BEWARE OF THE LION
- You may not be in immediate danger from the lion. If the lion is only crossing a road or waiting at a park bench it may not be interested in you.
- If the lion is unable to get through a door, it will most probably attempt to confuse you or persuade you to unlock the door. Do not listen to the lion. Regardless of what bargains or logical conundrums it puts to you, do not open the door.
- If lion is distracted, take your leave politely, citing the political climate. Lions are keenly interested in politics.
- If the lion is not distracted, attempt to distract the lion by shouting and pointing.
- Do not attempt to ingratiate yourself to the lion. Lions are dismissive of gifts or compliments.
- If you are unable to escape the lion, try to attack it primarily with a sword. Lions lack finesse at swordplay.
- Be aware of your rights as a citizen. If you are scared simply explain your problem to the lion and firmly tell it to leave you alone. It has always been illegal to maul people, and the lion has no reasonable justification. Remember that bad things do not happen to people like you.
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