User:ORavenhurst/Fake Dictionary

Here be some made-up but (hopefully) plausible sounding definitions/etymologies for words.

Excelsior!

(interjection). Originally a misspelling of the late medieval "Excel-sore", this word was first used to describe a peculiar malady confined to clerks and data entry professionals. It is now used as an exhortation for the listener to remain as inactive as possible. It is also used as a gesture of solidarity between the Cellariae, a mostly sedentary minority group with diaspora communities all around the world.

Kir

(noun) A beverage enjoyed by Gallo-Indian mystics. It is an abbreviation of kirtan, a call-and-response form of Hindu devotional music. It is so named because after enough kir, you'll probably start singing one.

Pansexual

1. (When capitalized) A sexual orientation characterized by sexual attraction to individuals who are half-goat and/or theater critics.
2. (When uncapitalized) A sexual orientation characterized by sexual attraction to kitchenware.

Theory

From the early Helleno-Japanese word Theorisu or "Squirrel-god". Squirrels were highly regarded for their intellectual capabilities in the ancient world (cf. Ratatosk. A "theory" in the original sense meant an offering to the squirrel-god, usually in the form of a pine cone slathered with peanut butter and rolled in a mixture of nuts and seeds.

Theoretical

From the semi-late Greco-Roman Theos Recticalus or "Straight God". Used to describe a situation that is amusing to think about, but obviously only exists in the mind, it's usage derives from the fact that everybody in the semi-late Greco-Roman period knew that God was obviously pansexual (see above).