Conservapedia:Best of Conservapedia
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This is the place to sort, search and review all the classic What Is Going On at CP? moments. Results are sorted by vote count and month, at the moment you can provide your own vote number cutoff, browse different months, or filter all the results by a keyword. This page relies on programs that were not implemented until August 2008, "best of" moments before this time are archived in the links below.
The day-to-day updates of CP are over at WIGO and all new contenders should be added there. Entries are automatically moved here.
Do not add entries to this article - the work is done automagically - as said above!
375 | Weaseloid is a tosser |
282 | Andy Schlafly, J.D., B.E., age 50: "E=mc2 has no meaning or value. Simply put, E=mc2 is liberal claptrap." |
222 | Andy: Why didn't atheists cheer at the Super Bowl? Is it because they don't like underdogs? Why don't atheists like underdogs? I bet Stalin didn't like underdogs. |
218 | Andy redefines the Second Law of Thermodynamics. |
211 | "For God so loved the world..." is environmentalist nonsense.~Andrew Schlafly |
206 | Ah, the Olympics! The place where the best athletes in the world get to strut their stuff every 4 years. And another chance for Andy to bitch about same-sex marriage, feminism and atheism. |
202 | In Andy's universe "Britain was just fine with Hitler running over neighboring underdog countries." Why? Because liberals. |
202 | Having obliterated the mean old Lamestream Media, Andy Schlafly takes on the next target. |
196 | Claims that neutrinos don't move faster than light sound like political correctness, rather than science, to Andy. |
196 | Balls |
191 | Andy yet again denies an inconvenient fact:"Obama is not actually president". |
189 | We knew Ed Poor would come back with a vengeance after all the Netherlands stuff from AugustO a week ago. Here he is! [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] Update Ed is reallyimg, reallyimg upsetimg with AugustOimg Update Ed is back and Ed is FUCKING FURIOUS. Reverting everything AugustO touches followed by a 3 day ban plus a snarky messageimg then Ed, Big Man! Poor <capture>deletes August's userpage.img An epic fit of impotent rage. Next: August is stripped of blocking rightsimg |
185 | Mr. I-have-two-Ivy-League-degrees-but-teach-children-in-a-church-basement blames liberals for "destroying the perceived value of a college degree." |
184 | Balls |
182 | Jpatt: "It's not even going to be close, Romney landslide: R 54% O 46%"img Ken: "I say a narrow victory for Romney."img |
180 | Nope, Andy cannot even announce the discovery of a new particle without bringing up materialism or complaining about alleged academic censorship. |
178 | Andy: "College math is not completely immune to liberal influences that have destroyed other subjects like physics." |
177 | Andy: Nations that adopted same sex marriage before 2008 won less Olympic medals than they did in the previous games. Andy: Yeah, but if you arbitrarily remove the Netherlands and South Africa my conclusion holds. |
172 | Andy: "I've found that once someone falls for Relativity, they almost never open a Bible again." |
171 | Balls |
170 | Andy sinks to a new low and shamelessly uses the death of a six-year-old girl to take a swipe at liberals. |
168 | Andy can't see why he must provide references for his bullshit, because "Would anyone ask Jesus for a reference after telling the parable of the Prodigal Son?" |
166 | BREAKING NEWS: Pope duped by Castro lookalike!img Update Fake Castro story now officially upgraded to "mystery" statusimg as super-sleuth Schlafly notes some curious differences between the impostor and the real Castro. Update The mystery deepens as Andy discovers that make-up may have been used to make the lookalike appear older.img As well as using disguises to hide the lack of wrinklesimg |
162 | Andy touts on the front pageimg the fact that a new book discusses Conservapedia at length in the first few pages. Did he bother reading those pages? |
161 | Words fail. UPDATE: Andy approves of the post |
160 | Andy (on why God has a sense of humor): "atheistic political figures are known for their lack of a sense of humor, such as Attila the Hun, which suggests that the opposite of God is a lack of sense of humor." (Andy should hope that God has a very good sense of humor.) |
160 | Andy: "Hyuk! Hyuk! If liberals are so "open-minded," why do they fail my totally made-up and biased test?" |
160 | Andy goes all Alex Jones on us: Tim Tebow was traded "in order to oust him from his leadership position in the swing state of Colorado prior to the Presidential Election 2012." |
160 | Balls |
158 | Balls |
157 | Andy: "It's a liberal fiction that E=mc2 has ever been applied in any practical way. The equation defines rest mass in terms of the speed of light - an absurdity." |
156 | It's official! Obama is no longer a godless commie, but probably Muslim. Hell, he even whacked his Islamic brothers, bin Laden & Khaddafi after defeating that limpdick McCain. |
156 | Asking for references is to be a slave to hearsay. Andy approves. |
156 | Andy: "Real answers are found on Conservapedia and in the Bible rather than on television." [Conservapedia and the Bible. Yes, he really wrote it in that order.] |
155 | Who carved out the Easter Island statues? God did it, as a joke! Of course! |
152 | Balls |
149 | Andy, predictably: if there were more guns in schools, "today's tragic murders would not have happened". |
148 | Balls |
148 | Andy kills two birds with one stone. Apparently, the Sun being rounder than previously thought counts both as a counterexample to relativity (because he says so) and an example of Biblical Scientific Foreknowledge (yes, he is actually giving credit to the Bible for describing the Sun as round). |
148 | Biblical political foreknowledge: The Bible predicted the Vice-Presidential debate. |
146 | Balls |
136 | According to Andy, the 2012 French Open Finals weren't suspended because of rain, but because of a liberal umpireimg intervening to prevent conservative Novak Djokovicimg from winning. |
136 | AugustO: If 'Fourth of July' is an example of secularized language why then did the prophet Ronald Reagan, peace be upon him, use it? Andy: Maybe he wouldn't have if Conservapedia's entry existed back then! |
134 | Andy responds to Aurora killings by honoring Norwegian murderer Anders Breivik, the only person to call his victims' summer experience "indoctrination camp." |
134 | Andy Schlafly: Early voting infringes on the right not to vote. |
133 | Andy: "The purported proof of Fermat's Last Theorem would be an example of liberal math." |
132 | Stupid atheists are wasting time and money searching for a Grand Unified Theory of physics even though |
132 | Andy unwittingly cites a gay newspaper. UPDATE: Ooops...let's change that. |
128 | In CP's world, liberals don't support abortion because of "choice," but because they actually enjoy killing unborn babies. |
127 | If the pictures weren't in the Bible, they don't need to be on Conservapedia. Except if they show short and/or obese atheists, of course. |
127 | Andy proves Conservapedia is not part of the hearsay society by putting the following quote by a classmate of James Holmes in big letters on the CP main page: Such damning evidence! Might as well treat as a fact . |
126 | Andy's crazy quotient |
126 | Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day. A day to celebrate the peaceful life of a man committed to Jesus. Also, it's a day for liberals to play the race card. |
125 | With no sense of irony, Andy accuses Wikipedia's editors of displaying "self-centered belief systems and behavior." |
124 | Andy's sophisticated theology compares the nature of free will and the existence of evil to sports:"If God were to destroy Satan, then that would require ending free will, and then this world ceases to be of interest. It would become akin to a sports league where one's favorite team won every game. That's no sports league at all." |
124 | Andy, July 25th: Athlete sent home from politically correct Olympics for racist tweets? BOOOOO! Luckily the USA has freedom of speech!" Karajou, Aug 3rd: "Man gets fired for ranting against Chick-fil-A. OUTSTANDING!!" |
121 | You heard the rumblings of it before, and you wanted to learn more...and now Andy obliges! Move over, ESPN, ace sportcaster Andy is here to tell us what sports are and are not "Joke Sports". Bonus points if you can spot the blatant sexism. |
120 | Hell freezes over. Andy: "You're right, and you make the point well... Britain has done remarkably well in the past week, and some of its gold medals (e.g., Andy Murray in tennis) were nothing short of spectacular. Conservatives accept the real facts, even when (in this case) it is contrary to American bravado." |
119 | According to Andy, A.M. is a "best new conservative word," because "the popularity of A.D. could have led to the popularity of A.M. No word yet on nasty, liberal P.M. Update Looking for the next layer of conservative words and every one of them needs to be as special as A.Mimg...which isn't actually a word. |
119 | Andy: The RINOs cancel the first 36 hours of the GOP convention, because they cave into media bullying. Hurricane Isaac has nothing to do with it. His own source: "Republicans have postponed their national convention in Tampa at least a day because of concerns about Tropical Storm Isaac." |
118 | Andy: Democrats pathetically resort to unanimous opposition to Mitt Romney to win the election. |
116 | Balls |
116 | So we can either know where the GPS satellite is, or how fast it's moving, but not both? Response: That's odd. I'm going to need a reference. Andy: It just makes sense |
116 | Andy: We've always |
116 | Conservapedia does not mix hearsay with citations to legitimate factual content, says the man who cites dinner conversations. Although, in fairness to Andy, CP:Lemon test contains no factual citations |
115 | Balls |
112 | President Obama supports SOPA, as evidenced by the fact that he says he opposes it. Also, the Wikipedia blackout is meant to "punish users" rather than protest SOPA, because the lib-burr-ruls at Wikipedia would never go against Obama like that. |
112 | Andy tells usimg that SOPA is now being pushed through the Democrat-infested Senate, not the GOP-controlled House. Another lesson from the Trusworthy Encyclopedia. |
112 | It turns out that the Colorado shooter wasn't an atheist but actually "heavily involved in his local Presbyterian church." Oops! But don't worry, they'll still find a way to blame liberals! |
109 | Jpratt is outraged... OUTRAGED... that an atheist liberal on Wikipedia would delete an article entitled "Obama eats dogs". And they have the audacity to keep the article on Romney's dog, Seamus! |
107 | The best of the public knows better than the GOP consultants: Romney lost because of early voting! |
105 | Ken: "Andy's so insecure, I can get away with absolutely fucking anything!" |
105 | Andy posts a scathing criticism of Obama for saying "me" when he meant "I," right above another news item identifying the recent Secret Service prostitution scandal as having taken place in "Columbia." |
105 | The Ice Age - according to Andy, it's just another liberal myth "to cast doubt on the Flood." |
105 | Andy: "the Dems did OK" what with their President and the Senate, but "everywhere else, conservatives routed the liberals", presumably in those other 8-12 branches of government, or something. |
103 | In Schlafly's mind: Michael Phelps is overpromoted and only wins obscure events. In the real world: Michael Phelps is the most successful-ever Olympic sportsman, hugely admired by his fellow competitors and a role model for thousands of young athletes. Update: Irony, thy name is Schlafly! |
103 | ""Where did the ice in my freezer come from? :) Answer me that, Mr. Science!" |
101 | JPratt's inability to understand metaphor means Michelle Obama made a huge gaffe about the riding of the Underground Railroad. |
100 | Apparently the subtle difference between a galaxy and the universe is too much for some Conservapedians to handle. When Conservapedia was called out on it, Ed Poor thinks it's over-reacting to criticize someone for not grasping a very complex and subtle concept. |
100 | Balls |