Fun:Alan Colmes

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Alan Colmes

Alan 'Pratfall' Colmes (1950-2017) was a professional eunuch on the Fox News Corp Cartoon Network.

Professional cartoon career[edit]

Alan Colmes began his career as the tormented tomcat on the Tom & Jerry cartoon series. His talent for looking pained and clueless was so successful, other comic and cartoon legends soon invited him onto their shows. He had an especially good run as Sylvester the Cat before he signed for the rôle of Wiley Coyote.

During the filming of the Roadrunner series, Colmes suffered an accident during a stunt. Wiley (Colmes) Coyote sat on a case of Acme dynamite which exploded, severing his testicles. That only endeared him to conservative fans of the show, since so many comic characters don't wear the pants in the cartoon family.

From there, he went on to costar in The Itchy & Scratchy Show, as the long-suffering cat, Scratchy. Colmes reportedly became dissatisfied with the part-time rôle about the time the Fox News Corp Cartoon Network planned the series Right Wing Duck. The show called for a neutered liberal, Yo! Socialist Sam, who would be hacked and mutilated to the delight of audiences.

Plans for the series fell through when the star of Sean Hannity's America or Else! offered up a daily prime time series that contractually required a leftist eunuch to take pratfalls.

Personal life[edit]

After Sean Hannity dumped significant other Hal Turner, he and Colmes unexpectedly formed a personal relationship and married in a Massachusetts civil ceremony in August 2006 officiated by Bill O'Reilly. "We're very happy," reports Colmes. "He makes me look foolish on the show, but afterwards, I get out my whips and flogger and show him who the bitch is." This conflicts, however, with how Colmes convicingly defends the liberal movement, like his comment after the 2003 State of the Union address: "President Bush did a magnificent job!"