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Sean Hannity

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... and that's why Hillary is secretly having an affair with Putin.
One of the
Icon pundit.svg
And a dirty dozen more
Watching Hannity talk to Ingraham is like watching state TV in a banana republic — but with great production values.
—Prof. Tom Nichols[1]

"Somebody Call"[2] Sean Hannity (born 1961) is an American right-wing political commentator-turned conspiracy theorist who speaks nothing but God's Honest Truth, you rebel scum. At least one prominent Republican thinks he's nuts.[3]

Basically, you know that loud "happy drunk" type on the barstool next to you who's mostly fun when the game is on but tends to spout vaguely racist gibberish when the TV is off? That one who's fun to drink with but you're pretty certain has the IQ of a brick? Well, imagine giving him a television and radio show where he goes point-counterpoint against and gets to talk over uninteresting comedian Alan Colmes.[4] In 2009 Colmes was dropped from the Hannity and Colmes show, and now Hannity has the floor to himself. Now it is titled simply Hannity, and he can spout his non-stop drivel without having an annoying leftie commie to keep him in check.

Hannity occasionally substituted on WABC for fellow literal-super-heavyweight[5] motormouth Rush Limbaugh, doing a few stints as his guest host around the same time he started with Fox News. He was also responsible for inflicting neo-Nazi shitstirrer Hal Turner on the world.

White supremacist[edit]

Hannity's background as befriending a white supremacist has been glossed over. Learning from David Duke (R-South Africa), Hannity has distanced himself from former neo-Nazi pal Hal Turner. Amid accusations that Hannity staffers and "fan boys" have been purging the web on a mission to sanitize Hannity's record,[6] even Wikipedia has finally acknowledged Hannity's complicity.

Following the 2008 Presidential elections, Hannity declared an "underground war, guerrilla war against President Obama."[7][8][9]

Effusive opinions[edit]

Hannity is on record as having spent more than an hour praising the United States as "The greatest, best, most free country on God's earth, ever"; Fareed Zakaria wore a slightly desperate grin throughout. He also has a rather bizarre definition of the word "peace" that appears to have absolutely nothing to do with any acceptable definition on the Internet. Whereas even the usually unreliable Wikipedia calls it "an absence of hostility", Hannity basically likes to think peace means "blowing the shit out of dirty foreigners".[10]

Hannity worked hard in support of the decrees of God-King Dubya, sure the GOP would be in power forever. Until they weren't.[11][12] His intense man-crush on Vladimir Putin is way beyond merely strange.[13]

Scamming via veteran's "charity"[edit]

The Freedom Alliance charity, which claims to raise money for wounded soldiers and survivors of fallen ones, was exposed in early 2010 by hardcore right-wing Ann Coulter wannabe Debbie Schlussel as only using three percent of its proceeds for the stated purpose. (Stopped clock?) David Frum, however, disagreed with her analysis.[14]

Hannity apparently insists on being flown around in a private jet and having access to a fleet of luxury vehicles for himself and his family on the ground.[15]

World records[edit]

  • First ever winner in history of the official "Worst Newscaster of FOX" award. Proceeds to celebrate on Twitter.
  • Use of the word "hate" in a single show: 16,535.
  • Career usage of the word "hate": 3.226x1027.

"Ode to Sean Hannity"[edit]

Ode to Sean Hannity is a poem written by John Cleese of Monty Python fame. It is an addendum of sorts to the pwning of Hannity at the hands of Obama campaign spokesman Robert Gibbs on the special edition of Hannity & Colmes following the second Presidential debate in 2008. The poem was submitted to Keith Olbermann and was read as part of the number one story on the October 8, 2008 broadcast of Countdown with Keith Olbermann:[16]

An Ode to Sean Hannity
Aping urbanity
Oozing with vanity
Plump as a manatee
Faking humanity
Journalistic calamity
Intellectual inanity
Fox Noise insanity
You’re a profanity

Hillary Clinton[edit]

Although he’s obviously not a doctor himself, Hannity seems to have diagnosed Hillary Clinton as an epilectic, or at least given to "having seizures" based on two instances of taking a sip of water, causing coughing, one instance of tripping boarding a plane, and a playful bobbing of her head in response to a number of not so serious questions which she then joked about herself. Let's be grateful he's not a qualified doctor — well, acquiring that degree is probably beyond his talents.

See also[edit]