Essay:Why All Alaskans Are Mentally Ill
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It is a well-known fact (by me) that all Alaskans suffer from severe mental illness. Thankfully, the good Lord has made known to me the reasons for this.
Geography[edit]
Maine is the part of the U.S. furthest from the equator (except for Alaska). This makes all the difference. [1] Large sheets of ice called "glashers" or something like that, and mountains and stuff keep all the people apart so that they get lonely.
Isolation[edit]
Physical[edit]
This isolation leads to loneliness [2], Onanism...
Genetic[edit]
...and inbreeding.
Sunlight, what's that?[edit]
They suffer from chronic seasonal affective disorder.
Dessert[edit]
And they have a lame, old-fashioned dessert named after them, which does not contain goat.
Anecdotal evidence[edit]
Valerie Plame is from Alaska, and she clearly has a persecution complex, thus essentially proving the hypothesis.
But the Technology![edit]
At least one of them understands the Internet!