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Essay:Why All Alaskans Are Mentally Ill

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It is a well-known fact (by me) that all Alaskans suffer from severe mental illness. Thankfully, the good Lord has made known to me the reasons for this.

Geography[edit]

Maine is the part of the U.S. furthest from the equator (except for Alaska). This makes all the difference. [1] Large sheets of ice called "glashers" or something like that, and mountains and stuff keep all the people apart so that they get lonely.

Isolation[edit]

Physical[edit]

This isolation leads to loneliness [2], Onanism...

Genetic[edit]

...and inbreeding.

Sunlight, what's that?[edit]

They suffer from chronic seasonal affective disorder.

Dessert[edit]

Bad food.svg
This recipe is not approved by RWs self-appointed culinary expert

And they have a lame, old-fashioned dessert named after them, which does not contain goat.

Anecdotal evidence[edit]

Valerie Plame is from Alaska, and she clearly has a persecution complex, thus essentially proving the hypothesis.

But the Technology![edit]

At least one of them understands the Internet!