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Cryptid Petting Zoo
|Hiding with Schrödinger's cat|
“”You know what really gets my goat...?
The Chupacabra (Spanish for "goat sucker" — from chupar "to suck" and cabra goat[note 1]) is a cryptid inhabiting North America. It is said to subsist on goat (and is therefore the sworn enemy of RationalWiki). Reportedly, it slaughters them quite viciously, drinks their blood, and apparently consumes their flesh, although that is open to debate. Often, it is said that bloodless goat carcasses are found in its wake. The name was first coined by Puerto Rican comedian and entrepreneur Silverio Pérez, after the first reports were released by the press in 1995.
There are many descriptions of Chupacabra. Common to all is the presence of sharp teeth, dorsal spikes, and a taste for goat. Sometimes images show a reptilian creature, sometimes a bigfoot-type creature, sometimes a winged creature, sometimes a classic UFO-big-eye-anal-probing monster, and most recently a hairless canine.
The Chupacabra was first reported by Madelyne Tolentino in Puerto Rico in 1995, although mass killings of farm/domestic animals had been reported on the island as early as 1975. (In 2010, skeptical reporter Benjamin Radford suggested that the description given by "Mad Tol" was similar to the alien Sil depicted in the movie Species which she had quite coincidentally watched just a few weeks previously.) Since then reports of chupacabras have been made throughout the Spanish-speaking Americas — which according to Lou Dobbs includes the entire United States — and even as far as the Philippines.
The chupacabra prefers any area in which it can find goats. Sightings are most common in rainforests and deserts. Given that goats can range widely, it is reasonable to assume that chupacabra can follow its prey.
OK, it's Fox News but…
If classified as cryptid then chupacabras may be unique, and therefore unclassifiable. If it is indeed some form of previously undescribed, but not supernatural, animal, it will be possible to classify once a specimen is obtained for study.
From a creationism standpoint, the chupacabra's baramin is unknown. Various cryptids are mentioned in the Bible, so closer reading may yet reveal more information. For example, the Bible mentions "The Beast", the Leviathan, and many others not adequately explained by "scientists". We can infer, however, that Noah must have taken at least two on board the Ark, and that they were securely housed away from the goats.
Ways to kill a chupacabra
- Have your goat attack it.
- Shoot it with your weapon of gun (but remember, it is largely defensive, so don't use it too often).
- Convince it to join RationalWiki. We don't believe they exist, so they will vanish in a puff of logic.
- Set a troll against it.
- Send a Dalek after it.
- Spear it with an oak stave.
- Tell the Emperor Caligula that it called him a goat.
- Though in proper Spanish, it would be chupacabras because compound words always end in -s.