Fun:Andy's Evening

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Andy's Evening[edit]

Thunder echoed in the distance, the starless sky portraying a seemingly impenetrable darkness, broken only occasionally by a blinding flash. The weather, however, was the last thing on Andy Schlafly's mind. He was used to receiving hourly requests for attention from Ken, but in this one instance he smiled as he read Ken's latest article suggestion: Richard Dawkins and the Ides of March. As long as the day had been, it seemed worth it for this very moment, the opportunity to relax.


Clutching his treasured lock of Reagan's hair, Andy's thoughts turned to the recent insight he had; that no Conservapedians anywhere had any mental problems. As he clicked random article to examine the state of Conservapedia, Andy felt himself grow tired. The long day had taken its toll, it was finally time to sleep. Andy's dreams of white clouds and warm, loving light evaporated as he woke suddenly. Pulling his pants on as he ran toward his study and the ringing phone, Andy swayed dangerously as his hangover took full effect. Having reached his study, Andy picked up the phone and muttered his salutation. Andy felt his grip on the phone tighten as the moment he had been dreading unfolded before him. With a loud crack, the phone had snapped in half under Andy's grip. With no hesitation, Andy dashed to his computer. The liberal vandals were at it again, adding facts to Conservapedia's prized articles. " God's glue!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, startling the neighbors.


His eyes watering from the brightness of the screen, Andy quickly redirected his browser away from WorldNetDaily and toward Conservapedia's contaminated article. As the article loaded, Andy was incandescent with rage when he read repeated requests for him to cite the sources of the statistics he'd cleverly developed in support of his claims. After immediately burning the page, Andy opened the talk page and prepared to make a strong case against the alterations.


After much thought and careful wording, Andy posted his response to the previous editor of his article:

' "Anonymous User" (if that is your real name), blasphemy is so prevalent among environmentalists that that the insight is clearly self-evident. I've managed to read your rants and like most liberals you act like you're smarter than every one else and hope that people will agree with you because you seem smart and "reasonable", so there's a 95% chance you're another liberal enemy of conservative principles. You also refuse to accept that teaching phonics deters insanity. Contrary to what many of you obese atheists like to claim, polls demonstrated that something like 30% of young evangelical Christians, and even higher percentages of other Christian denominations, voted for Obama. Many of them are YECs. So there is nothing startling or remarkable about the possibility that a YEC is liberal. There is beauty in nature (e.g., autumn foliage). It's real, not imaginary. But evolution is a functional only and has no mechanism for evolving beauty, and certainly not in a time period before anyone could appreciate it. --Aschlafly 23:37, 2 September 2025 (UTC)'

Still not satisfied, Andy decided to ban the user for their insubordination. Cackling to himself, he clicked the Ban button and smiled widely as the log showed:

Aschlafly (Talk|Contribs) blocked AmesG with an expiry time of 5 years (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) (Liberal point-pushing)


Having defeated reality and its liberal bias, Andy knew his blog was safe again. Pausing briefly to salute the confederate flag that proudly adorned his wall, he returned to his long neglected bed.

The End