Fun:Andy's Evening

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Andy's Evening[edit]

The night air drifted through the curtains, bringing with it humidity, the aftermath of a warm, damp day. The weather, however, was the last thing on Andy Schlafly's mind. The day had been difficult but rewarding. Through his skill and persistence, Andy had finally managed to teach his class about the Ides of March. The stress of the long day seemed to evaporate as Andy lowered himself into his chair, the burdens of the day had finally lifted.

Muttering under his breath, Andy's thoughts turned to the recent mention Conservapedia has had in the media, which he confirmed with a quick skim was glowing positive! As he took yet another sip of his whiskey, Andy felt himself grow tired. The long day had taken its toll, it was finally time to sleep. Andy's dreams of white clouds and warm, loving light evaporated as he woke suddenly. Pulling his pants on as he ran toward his study and the ringing phone, Andy swayed dangerously as his hangover took full effect. Having reached his study, Andy picked up the phone and muttered his salutation. Andy felt his grip on the phone tighten as the moment he had been dreading unfolded before him. With a loud crack, the phone had snapped in half under Andy's grip. With no hesitation, Andy dashed to his computer. The liberal vandals were at it again, adding facts to Conservapedia's prized articles. " Liberal leche-cul!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, startling the neighbors.

His eyes watering from the brightness of the screen, Andy quickly redirected his browser away from Goatse and toward Conservapedia's contaminated article. As the article loaded, Andy was incandescent with rage when he read repeated requests for him to cite the sources of the statistics he'd cleverly developed in support of his claims. After immediately praying for god to smite the author, Andy opened the talk page and prepared to make a strong case against the alterations.

After much thought and careful wording, Andy posted his response to the previous editor of his article:

' "Anonymous User", I've analyzed your unconcise replies and noticed you draw a silly distinction between sheep and goats (which I've reverted), so it's painfully obvious that you're not here to think and learn. You also clearly deny that capital punishment helps resist insanity. Contrary to what many of you obese atheists like to claim, most books (other than the Bible) are liberal claptrap. Take our World History Final Exam and then learn the truth. Request a change to your real first name and last initial or your account will be blocked.--Andy Schlafly 18:58, 14 October 2019 (UTC)'

Still not satisfied, Andy decided to ban the user for their insubordination. Cackling to himself, he clicked the Ban button and smiled widely as the log showed:

Aschlafly (Talk|Contribs) blocked AmesG with an expiry time of 5 years (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) (Lacks machismo)

Having defeated reality and its liberal bias, Andy knew his blog was safe again. Chuckling to himself, Andy knew it was safe to sleep once again. He knew he'd earned it.

The End