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A calculator is a small, inexpensive, highly specialized computer designed for the primary purpose of spelling rude words, and to give math education purists conniptions. It also, like, calculates arithmetic problems or something. Some fancy graphing calculators can also be used by deceitful godless liberals to cheat on exams in high school and college by programming stuff into them. However, it is generally stated by experts people that this is only done by public school students and not homeschoolers since they are the only ones who know that deceit is morally wrong. Some calculators can also be programmed to play simple games, which may or may not turn their users into ruthless mass murderers.

Back in the day, before every lazy little dolt could have a scientific calculator for $10-$15, honest engineers had to use slide rules, which harness the power of logarithmic scaling. Before slide rules, engineers used abaci, which harness the power of colored beads. Before abaci, engineers had to use their fingers. Before fingers, humans had to count using only their two fins.[1] This is why computers use binary logic.

Early mathematicians discovered their calculating power could be doubled by the coarse expedient of removing their socks. Thus began the Enlightenment.

References and notes[edit]

  1. It is not known exactly where the "-gers" came from. Maybe God did it.