Fun:Conservapedia, The Musical/I am the pasty shadow of a naval petty-officer

This Conservapedia-related article is of largely historical interest and is no longer the focus of RationalWiki today. Conservapedia (and religious fundamentalism to an extent) was a major focal point in the early history of RationalWiki, but long ago ceased coming up with new ways to appall and amuse. Our energies are now spent debunking other, fresher examples of pseudoscientific claims, authoritarianism, and deceit. For RationalWiki's less ancient content, try the Best of RationalWiki.

I am the pasty shadow of a naval petty-officer (Karajou's song)

To the tune of "I am the very model of a modern major-general" from The Pirates of Penzance

I am the pasty shadow of a naval petty-officer.

My ship went down because of me, I mourn the very loss of her.

I’m retired now, I’ve been discharged, I blame the liberal media.

But I have high rank in my new ship: the SS Conservapedia

I’m well acquainted with the rules; I make them up as I go along.

Don’t dare accuse me of abuse, I’ll have you know I’m never wrong.

I don’t know shit about a thing, but know that I am always right.

Liberal edits are not allowed, by God you WILL respect this site!

Liberal edits are not allowed, by God you WILL respect this site!

Liberal edits are not allowed, by God you WILL respect this site!

Liberal edits are not allowed, by God you WILL respect this quality site!

Liberals in this land today have got completely out of hand.

A single atheistic edit will get you permanently banned.

Your edits may at times be good, but I’m sure that they’re bad oftener.

I am the pasty shadow of a naval petty-officer.

Your edits may at times be good, but we're sure that they’re bad oftener.

He is the pasty shadow of a naval petty-officer.

I’m always on duty, around the clock, with an hourly break to masturbate.

I will not rest until I’ve blocked every IP in each blue state.

Don’t say a word against a thing that I ever say or do,

I risked my life swabbing decks to defend obnoxious shits like you.

If you disagree you’re banned for life for coming here to pick a fight.

If you’re left of Rush I swear to God you must be from “the other site”.

The sysops will make you our bitch, we run Conservapedia.

Don’t try to add a thing from that infernal Wikipedia.

Don’t try to add a thing from that infernal Wikipedia.

Don’t try to add a thing from that infernal Wikipedia.

Don’t try to add a thing from that infernal liberal Wikipedia.