Fun:Conservapedia, The Musical/Liberal
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This Conservapedia-related article is of largely historical interest and is no longer the focus of RationalWiki today. Conservapedia (and religious fundamentalism to an extent) was a major focal point in the early history of RationalWiki, but long ago ceased coming up with new ways to appall and amuse. Our energies are now spent debunking other, fresher examples of pseudoscientific claims, authoritarianism, and deceit. For RationalWiki's less ancient content, try the Best of RationalWiki. |
Andy:
Well, either you're closing your eyes
To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of public schools in your community.
Ya got liberals, my friend, right here,
I say, liberals right on your school committee.
Why sure I'm an educator,
Certainly mighty proud I say
I'm always mighty proud to say it.
I consider that the hours I spend
Teachin’ homeschooled kids are golden.
I help ‘em cultivate horse sense
And a hard head and a keen eye.
Always take and try to give
An iron-clad knowledge of facts
All derived from the Holy Book!
But just as I say,
It takes judgement, brains, and maturity to score
‘Gainst an atheist,
I say that any boob kin fall
For all their liberal claptrap.
And I call that sloth.
The first big step on the road
To the depths of deg-ra-Day--
I say, first, belief that life came from plain mud,
Then man from a monkey.
An' the next thing ya know,
Your son is learnin’ ‘bout Darwin
From a biased text!
And list'nin to some big out-a-town scientist
Hearin' him tell about radiometric dating.
Not wholesome and Bible-based, no!
But they teach that all life has a common source!
Like to see some stuck-up science boy
Dissin’ the Good Book? Make your blood boil?
Well, I should say.
Now, friends, lemme tell you what I mean.
Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six thousand years o’ history.
Knowin’ that marks the diff'rence
Between Christians and liberal scum,
That starts with "L,"
And it rhymes with “Hell" and that’s where they’re bound!
And all week long your public school
Youth'll be fritterin away,
I say your young men'll be fritterin!
Fritterin away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too!
Soakin’ up propaganda,
Never mind gittin' gun control anulled
Or abortion banned or those Muslims strip-searched.
Never mind goin’ door to door
With petitions to bring back classroom prayer, no!
By Saturday night they’ll be liberal,
Oh, yes we got lots and lots a' liberals.
I'm thinkin' of the dope smokin’ pacifistic,
Tree-huggin’ hippies, sneakin' in their views
While teachin’ public school—you got liberals, folks!
On your public school committee!
Liberal with a capital “L”
And that rhymes with "Hell" and that’s where they’re bound!
Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda parents.
I'm gonna be perfectly frank.
Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes
On while they're sittin in a science class?
They're tryin' out theorems, tryin' hypotheses,
Tryin' out Punnett Squares like Naturalist fiends!
And learnin' all about
How to question what they’re told as good God-fearing Christians!
One fine night, they leave the school hall,
Headin' for the rave at a Goth club!
Atheist men and Wiccan women!
And heavy metal, shameless music
That'll grab your son and your daughter
With the arms of a jungle animal instink!
Mass-staria!
Friends, the open mind is the devil's playground!
People:
Liberals, oh we got liberals,
On the public school committee!
With a capital "L"
That rhymes with "Hell"
And that’s where they’re bound!
(That’s where they’re bound!)
We've surely got liberals!
On that public school committee!
Right here!
Gotta figger out a way
To counter all the lies that they expound!
Liberals, liberals, liberals, liberals, liberals...
Andy:
Mothers of America!
Heed the warning before it's too late!
Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption!
The moment your child leaves the house,
Does he socialize with the children of heathens, pagans, and Catholics?
Does he refrain from reading the works of Ann Coulter?
Think that President Bush could have done a better job?
Is he starting to memorize speeches from Barack Obama?
Are certain phrases creeping into his conversation?
Phrases like 'objectivism?’
And 'Science deals with natural causes?’
Well, if so my friends,
Ya got liberals,
On your public school committee!
With a capital "L"
And that rhymes with "Hell"
And that’s where they’re bound!
We've surely got liberals!
On the public school committee!
Remember Kitzmiller, Judge John Jones and the Dover schools!
Oh, we've got liberals!
They’re such terrible, terrible liberals.
That place with lockers in the halls is a devil's tool!
Oh yes we got liberals, liberals, liberals!
With an “L"! Gotta rhyme it with "Hell"!
And that’s not cool!!!