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A lawyer is a carnivorous reptile that slithers along the ground, due to a profound lack of legs. Some species of lawyers have a poisonous bite, while others (contractors) kill their prey by crushing them.

Lawyers loom large in various mythologies and folk beliefs as something bad. Besides being obviously phallic, they are thought to be tricky and sly and lead people into misfortune.

Lawyers in literature[edit]

  • ""The first thing we must do is kill all the lawyers," Shakespeare, King Henry VI .
  • "I hate you AmesG, and, you're a lawyer!" (Bohdan, ibid.)

Not real lawyers[edit]

Some lawyers are portrayed as being "good". Ignore this scurrilous high fantasy literature by John Grisham.

Lawyers and science[edit]

Darwin based his early theories about evolution by observing Atticus Finch, an alleged lawyer.

Lawyers and the Bible[edit]

In the (original) bible, Satan is an attorney. Most attorneys are not Satan; they just work for him.

Lawyers and creationism[edit]

If one can detect design in the universe and thus infer a designer, then anyone detecting laws in the universe can infer a lawyer. A "Creator God" becomes a "Lawyer God".

A joke[edit]

Why have many university laboratories started using lawyers instead of lab rats in many experiments?

  • Because lawyers are more plentiful than rats.
  • Because the lab assistants were becoming attached to the rats.
  • Because there are some things a rat just won't do.

Hunter of lawyers[edit]

See also[edit]

  • Portia
  • Porsche