Fun:Revised Ten Commandments

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Note: This article does not attempt to address which statements belongs to which commandments.

Empirical evidence suggests that we revise the Ten er, twelve Commandments to accomodate the groups of high-profile religious people who are plagued by various scandals. This is definitely not at all blasphemous, as we're simply interpreting the Word of God.

Suggested revisions[edit]

  • I am the Lord your God, and will listen to you only when I want to.
  • You shall have no other gods before me, except my Son and this Holy Spirit thingy, which is all me anyways.
  • You shall not make for yourself an idol until you define the word "Idol" properly.
  • You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God, except damning the enemies that my Son is clearly preaching against in the future.
  • Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy, where hosting professional sports games is considered sufficiently holy.
  • Honor your father and mother, unless you want to become one of my Son's followers as a priest.
  • You shall not murder, except when I, my prophet, my Son, the Holy Spirit thingy, or anything at all in the Bible tell otherwise.
  • You shall not commit adultery, except when you require preparations to preach about proper sexual morality, which will be made up along the way since it is not in the Ten Commandments anyways.
  • You shall not steal, except when you work as the head of state.
  • You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor, unless you are preparing to preach about me or my other Commandments, or you want an excuse to kill someone I asked you to.
  • You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, except concubines or sodomy/gay sex partners, which don't count.
  • You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor, except elections, land, or any property owned by the community collectively.

See also[edit]