Fun:Schlafly Doo/Conservapedia Car

The car.

The Conservapedia Car is the preferred mode of transportation for Schlafly Doo and the Conservapedia Gang. It was stolen from an Army manufacturing center, and then gathered dust for six months because no one could make it work. CPWebmaster finally got it online, though.

Features of the car

The car was designed as a transport vehicle, but has been outfitted to fight liberals. The car includes:

• A Gatling gun mounted on top and controlled from inside using a periscope.
• Heavy armor.
• A gas-guzzling engine designed to disprove global warming. The engine emits fumes inside the car, like the LPS, so that the fumes can be enjoyed and cause further brain damage.
• Four wheels.
• Army camouflage. Completely useless in an urban environment but still looks cool.
• A backup copy of the Conservapedia server. Only updated once every six weeks.
• Extra cans of liquidized garlic to kill satanic vampires.
• It automatically shoots molten granite at people.
• The LPSs.

• A gear labeled, "Schlafly Reversal".

• An logic, common sense, and reason-proof hull designed to repel godless heathens (see picture).

• A sockpuppet-detecting radar and X-ray device that allows Assfly and Karajou to instantly see through scientifically-literate contributors cabal members (although there is no cabal).

• A clock whose date reads, (insert current year here) followed by "A.D.". This is to resist political correctness and liberal censorship.

• Two books in the glove compartment: The Conservative Dictionary and The Conservative's Bible.