RationalWiki:Annotated Qur'an/Noah

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Annotated Qur'an
Sura 71: Noah
Word-by-word translation
Alternate translations and related tafsirs
Alternate translations
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Qur'an 71:1[edit]

We sent Noah to his people: “Warn your people before there comes upon them a painful punishment.”

Qur'an 71:1 Notes[edit]

The merciful, compassionate, forgiving God decides...hey how about a little bit of genocide? Lots of children will be killed too, but that's OK, the omniscient one knows they would've turned out evil, but didn't know how to fix things beyond murdering everyone

Qur'an 71:2[edit]

He said, “O my people, I am to you a clear warner.

Qur'an 71:2 Notes[edit]

I don't think the people ever could have believed their admittedly vengeful and vicious God could still actually do what Noah warned them about.

Qur'an 71:3[edit]

Worship God and reverence Him, and obey me.

Qur'an 71:3 Notes[edit]

Not only do you have to obey an invisible being in the sky, but now you have to obey a stranger who claims to speak for this invisible entity.

Qur'an 71:4[edit]

And He will forgive you of your sins, and reprieve you until a stated term. God’s term cannot be deferred once it has arrived, if you only knew.”

Qur'an 71:4 Notes[edit]

In this sura we have to wait until the fourth verse until we are threatened into doing what the invisible God says or you'll burn forever.

Qur'an 71:5[edit]

He said, “My Lord, I have called my people night and day.

Qur'an 71:5 Notes[edit]

We only have the word of this book and its cousin the bible to go on this incredible story.

Qur'an 71:6[edit]

But my call added only to their flight.

Qur'an 71:6 Notes[edit]

Can you believe a stranger telling them an invisible being in the sky will murder them all unless they do what he says is met with skepticism?

Qur'an 71:7[edit]

Whenever I called them to Your forgiveness, they thrust their fingers into their ears, and wrapped themselves in their garments, and insisted, and became more and more arrogant.

Qur'an 71:7 Notes[edit]

The cognitive dissonance of this book is probably best shown through this single verse where a genocidal God is portrayed as forgiving.

Qur'an 71:8[edit]

Then I called them openly.

Qur'an 71:8 Notes[edit]

A stranger kept telling people about the invisible being in the sky (apparantly).

Qur'an 71:9[edit]

Then I appealed to them publicly, and I spoke to them privately.

Qur'an 71:9 Notes[edit]

I would think that such an immense being could just send the message directly into his people's minds but he never seems to like directness does he?

Qur'an 71:10[edit]

I said, ‘Ask your Lord for forgiveness; He is Forgiving.

Qur'an 71:10 Notes[edit]

Yes a forgiving genocidal being.

Qur'an 71:11[edit]

He will let loose the sky upon you in torrents.

Qur'an 71:11 Notes[edit]

This was centuries before climate change.

Qur'an 71:12[edit]

And provide you with wealth and children, and allot for you gardens, and allot for you rivers.

Qur'an 71:12 Notes[edit]

Children? If you are Good you will have to take care of more of the little crotch-goblins? Maybe if he offered the invention of birth control instead more would've listened...

Qur'an 71:13[edit]

What is the matter with you, that you do not appreciate God’s Greatness?

Qur'an 71:13 Notes[edit]

Well, all the mass murder isn't helping...

Qur'an 71:14[edit]

Although He created you in stages.

Qur'an 71:14 Notes[edit]

Some assembly required.

Qur'an 71:15[edit]

Do you not realize that God created seven heavens in layers?

Qur'an 71:15 Notes[edit]

We've... been to space, and Earth definitely only has 5 layers of atmosphere...

Qur'an 71:16[edit]

And He set the moon in their midst for light, and He made the sun a lamp.

Qur'an 71:16 Notes[edit]

Then why does the moon orbit the Earth instead of being locked in place at, say, Lagrange point 3, so it's permanently shining at night?

Qur'an 71:17[edit]

And God germinated you from the earth like plants.

Qur'an 71:17 Notes[edit]

Wait, are we all pod people?

Qur'an 71:18[edit]

Then He will return you into it, and will bring you out again.

Qur'an 71:18 Notes[edit]

Except for those buried at sea, or the lucky few who are shot into orbit...

Qur'an 71:19[edit]

And God made the earth a spread for you.

Qur'an 71:19 Notes[edit]

Flat Earth confirmed! All those people that had their ashes shot into orbit were buried in LIES!

Qur'an 71:20[edit]

That you may travel its diverse roads.’”

Qur'an 71:20 Notes[edit]

Country roooooads, take me hooooome...

Qur'an 71:21[edit]

Noah said, “My Lord, they have defied me, and followed him whose wealth and children increase him only in perdition.”

Qur'an 71:21 Notes[edit]

The all knowing God didn't know that Noah's plan to convince humanity to follow the all knowing God wouldn't work.

Qur'an 71:22[edit]

And they schemed outrageous schemes.

Qur'an 71:22 Notes[edit]

Yes that is right, untold numbers of three year old children were scheming unthinkable things.

Qur'an 71:23[edit]

And they said, “Do not give up your gods; do not give up Wadd, nor Souwa, nor Yaghoos, and Yaooq, and Nassr.

Qur'an 71:23 Notes[edit]

That includes all the mentally ill people who were incapable of choosing a God.

Qur'an 71:24[edit]

They have misled many, so do not increase the wrongdoers except in confusion.”

Qur'an 71:24 Notes[edit]

They includes babies who have just been born.

Qur'an 71:25[edit]

Because of their wrongs, they were drowned, and were hurled into a Fire. They did not find apart from God any helpers.

Qur'an 71:25 Notes[edit]

God drowned an enormous quantity of innocent people who could not possibly have been wicked or even have had evil thoughts and then doomed them to an eternity of fire.

Qur'an 71:26[edit]

Noah said, “My Lord, do not leave of the unbelievers a single dweller on earth.

Qur'an 71:26 Notes[edit]

Noah was a puny imperfect human, and humans can be pretty vicious, I just didn't think a perfect all moral sky God could punish two year old children for crimes they didn't commit.

Qur'an 71:27[edit]

If You leave them, they will mislead your servants, and will breed only wicked unbelievers.

Qur'an 71:27 Notes[edit]

I would think the all knowing sky God wouldn't need to be informed about this by Noah.

Qur'an 71:28[edit]

My Lord! Forgive me and my parents, and anyone who enters my home in faith, and all the believing men and believing women; and do not increase the wrongdoers except in perdition.”

Qur'an 71:28 Notes[edit]

I suppose Allah could have just made humans good...but instead preferred making them suffer in days and days of rain and horror and terror and painful drowning and then eternal torture. That's right. Allah seems to be nourished by the suffering of his creations. He feeds off of creating imperfect humans and then torturing them for their imperfections. Nice. The perfect God. The perfect religion.