RationalWiki:Annotated Qur'an/She Who Pleaded

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Annotated Qur'an
Sura 58: She Who Pleaded
Word-by-word translation
Alternate translations and related tafsirs
Alternate translations
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Qur'an 58:1[edit]

God has heard the statement of she who argued with you concerning her husband, as she complained to God. God heard your conversation. God is Hearing and Seeing.

Qur'an 58:1 Notes[edit]

Apparantly Allah cares about women who are wronged by their husband and has provided absolutely fail safe mechanisms to ensure women always achieve justice without undue pressure from the men who have been given literally all of the power.

Qur'an 58:2[edit]

Those of you who estrange their wives by equating them with their mothers—they are not their mothers. Their mothers are none else but those who gave birth to them. What they say is evil, and a blatant lie. But God is Pardoning and Forgiving.

Qur'an 58:2 Notes[edit]

God is not pardoning or forgiving of the billions he will torture for eternity.

Qur'an 58:3[edit]

Those who estrange their wives by equating them with their mothers, then go back on what they said, must set free a slave before they may touch one another. To this you are exhorted, and God is well aware of what you do.

Qur'an 58:3 Notes[edit]

The loving compassionate Allah has no problem with slavery, unless you divorce your wife in an archaic way, then you really ought to free one of your slaves because using an old divorce law is simply far worse than denying a human being their own autonomy.

Qur'an 58:4[edit]

But whoever cannot find the means must fast for two consecutive months before they may touch one another. And if he is unable, then the feeding of sixty needy people. This, in order that you affirm your faith in God and His Messenger. These are the ordinances of God. The unbelievers will have a painful punishment.

Qur'an 58:4 Notes[edit]

An enormous unfathomably amazing being cares deeply about the diet of his puny human creations. And while he created poor people he expects his puny creations to feed them once in a while.

Qur'an 58:5[edit]

Those who oppose God and His Messenger will be subdued, as those before them were subdued. We have revealed clear messages. The unbelievers will have a demeaning punishment.

Qur'an 58:5 Notes[edit]

It's kind of hard to believe that God will subdue those who go against his message considering how many holy wars muslims have lost.

Qur'an 58:6[edit]

On the Day when God resurrects them all, and informs them of what they did. God has kept count of it, but they have forgotten it. God is Witness over everything.

Qur'an 58:6 Notes[edit]

God's enormous excel spread sheet of all your deeds neatly cross referenced with an obvious check mark for good and an x for bad. You better hope the total at the end is in the positive or the eternal loving forgiving God will torture you forever.

Qur'an 58:7[edit]

Do you not realize that God knows everything in the heavens and everything on earth? There is no secret counsel between three, but He is their fourth; nor between five, but He is their sixth; nor less than that, nor more, but He is with them wherever they may be. Then, on the Day of Resurrection, He will inform them of what they did. God has knowledge of everything.

Qur'an 58:7 Notes[edit]

Once again the Quran claims that God is one giant MI6 and CIA that spies on you all the time. Isn't that great?

Qur'an 58:8[edit]

Have you noted those who were prohibited from conspiring secretly, but then reverted to what they were prohibited from? They conspire to commit sin, and aggression, and defiance of the Messenger. And when they come to you, they greet you with a greeting that God never greeted you with. And they say within themselves, “Why does God not punish us for what we say?” Hell is enough for them. They will roast in it. What a miserable destiny!

Qur'an 58:8 Notes[edit]

Yeah that's right. Don't expect any actual clear undeniable evidence of God doing anything at all in the here and now. It will all happen after you die. Trust me. Seriously. I mean it!

Qur'an 58:9[edit]

O you who believe! When you converse secretly, do not converse in sin, and aggression, and disobedience of the Messenger; but converse in virtue and piety; And fear God, to Whom you will be gathered.

Qur'an 58:9 Notes[edit]

Remember that when you quietly get together to do stuff so nobody can see you...do so with dignity because you only ought to cunningly do stuff behind other people's back with piety.

Qur'an 58:10[edit]

Conspiracies are from Satan, that he may dishearten those who believe; but he will not harm them in the least, except by leave of God. So let the believers put their trust in God.

Qur'an 58:10 Notes[edit]

God created a being that is the source of lots of bad shit that happen to you, though you have no means of clearly detecting when this being is doing things to you nor any very good resources to protect yourself from it because according to this book Satan does horrible stuff to good people. So basically Allah enjoys inflicting misery on the vulnerable.

Qur'an 58:11[edit]

O you who believe! When you are told to make room in your gatherings, make room; God will make room for you. And when you are told to disperse, disperse. God elevates those among you who believe, and those given knowledge, many steps. God is Aware of what you do.

Qur'an 58:11 Notes[edit]

God clearly does not elevate those who believe considering that in many African countries the Christian population lives in less abject misery and depravity than the muslim population.

Qur'an 58:12[edit]

O you who believe! When you converse privately with the Messenger, offer something in charity before your conversation. That is better for you, and purer. But if you do not find the means—God is Forgiving and Merciful.

Qur'an 58:12 Notes[edit]

When you talk to an imaginary being in your head, offer something to charity first.

Qur'an 58:13[edit]

Are you reluctant to offer charity before your conversation? If you do not do so, and God pardons you, then perform the prayer, and give alms, and obey God and His Messenger. God is Aware of what you do.

Qur'an 58:13 Notes[edit]

Three typical Quranic clichés all in one verse!

Qur'an 58:14[edit]

Have you considered those who befriended a people with whom God has become angry? They are not of you, nor of them. And they swear to a lie while they know.

Qur'an 58:14 Notes[edit]

Apparently you cannot trust some people who tell you weird, crazy and unbelievable things.

Qur'an 58:15[edit]

God has prepared for them a terrible punishment. Evil is what they used to do.

Qur'an 58:15 Notes[edit]

Does the forgiving merciful God take pleasure out of roasting these people for eternity?

Qur'an 58:16[edit]

They took their oaths as a screen, and prevented others from God’s path. They will have a shameful punishment.

Qur'an 58:16 Notes[edit]

Wow...people agreeing that they believe in weird crazy shit because of peer pressure. Why ever would they do that?

Qur'an 58:17[edit]

Neither their possessions nor their children will avail them anything against God. These are the inhabitants of the Fire, dwelling therein forever.

Qur'an 58:17 Notes[edit]

More believe in this crazy shit OR ELSE!

Qur'an 58:18[edit]

On the Day when God will resurrect them altogether—they will swear to Him, as they swear to you, thinking that they are upon something. Indeed, they themselves are the liars.

Qur'an 58:18 Notes[edit]

More insulting people who don't believe this crazy shit.

Qur'an 58:19[edit]

Satan has taken hold of them, and so has caused them to forget the remembrance of God. These are the partisans of Satan. Indeed, it is Satan’s partisans who are the losers.

Qur'an 58:19 Notes[edit]

God's little creation of evil makes people do bad things and then God punishes those compelled to do those bad things by the being God created. Okay. God it! That's entirely sensisble.

Qur'an 58:20[edit]

Those who oppose God and His Messenger are among the lowliest.

Qur'an 58:20 Notes[edit]

More insults to the reasonable sceptics of all this nonsense.

Qur'an 58:21[edit]

God has written: “I will certainly prevail, I and My messengers.” God is Strong and Mighty.

Qur'an 58:21 Notes[edit]

It doesn't really seem like Islam has been very successful in the last 200 years by nearly any measure.

Qur'an 58:22[edit]

You will not find a people who believe in God and the Last Day, loving those who oppose God and His Messenger, even if they were their parents, or their children, or their siblings, or their close relatives. These—He has inscribed faith in their hearts, and has supported them with a spirit from Him. And He will admit them into Gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they will dwell forever. God is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. These are the partisans of God. Indeed, it is God’s partisans who are the successful.

Qur'an 58:22 Notes[edit]

More blackmail into believing all the nonsense in this book.