RationalWiki:Annotated Qur'an/The Clot

Annotated Qur'an
Sura 96: The Clot
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Qur'an 96:1 Read: In the Name of your Lord who created.

Qur'an 96:1 Notes The sky-God created the universe (did he?). This verse is often held by Muslims to be proof of a miracle, with the claim being that Gabriel's command "READ!" rendered the illiterate Muhammad capable of reading and writing (but only the Qur'an): thus, the writing of the Qur'an is a miracle. It seems a little far-fetched that a man who spent most of his life working as a trader would not already be literate, given the need for keeping books and records, and there is support in the Sura and Hadith for the idea that Muhammad knew how to write without Allah's help.

Qur'an 96:2 Created man from a clot.	Qur'an 96:2 Notes And created man not from the demonstrated process of natural selection but with some sticky clotty substance and magic.

Qur'an 96:3 Read: And your Lord is the Most Generous.	Qur'an 96:3 Notes The sky-God feeds believers food and provides them all they need (does he?).

Qur'an 96:4 He who taught by the pen.	Qur'an 96:4 Notes The sky-God made mankind more wise through his revelations of the holy book (did man become more wise?). Also, this was one of the first verses revealed to the supposedly illiterate prophet.

Qur'an 96:5 Taught man what he never knew.	Qur'an 96:5 Notes The prophet promised that everything was true and not just fiction (was it?).

Qur'an 96:6 In fact, man oversteps all bounds.	Qur'an 96:6 Notes Pesky humans simply won't take ranting people with extraordinary claims at their word when such prophets try to change their entire worldview.

Qur'an 96:7 When he considers himself exempt.	Qur'an 96:7 Notes Pesky humans think they somehow deserve to have a rational independent mind free to question everything. Can you think of anything more grotesque?

Qur'an 96:8 But to your Lord is the return.	Qur'an 96:8 Notes When you die you will rot in agony in the subterranean torture chamber or dance with teddy-bears in the sky (will we?). Also, this subterranean torture chamber is courtesy of the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Qur'an 96:9 Have you seen him who prevents?	Qur'an 96:9 Notes Pesky humans give their own opinion about unstable people ranting their prophecies with their stubborn critical minds and pugnacious expectation of proof! Those foolish humans dare to cast doubt when they have not seen literally everything!

Qur'an 96:10 A servant when he prays?	Qur'an 96:10 Notes All people forced to pray are slaves. Of course, the word "servant" is much more palatable.

Qur'an 96:11 Do you think he is upon guidance?	Qur'an 96:11 Notes We aren't mind readers. Only the sky-God can magically spy on and know every single thought by every single rational subject.

Qur'an 96:12 Or advocates righteousness?	Qur'an 96:12 Notes Total submission is nothing but a good thing.

Qur'an 96:13 Do you see how he disbelieved and turned away?	Qur'an 96:13 Notes Pesky stubborn people are often evil trouble makers.

Qur'an 96:14 Does he not know that God sees?	Qur'an 96:14 Notes The sky-God is an enormous surveillance machine and is always watching (is he?).

Qur'an 96:15 No. If he does not desist, We will drag him by the forelock.	Qur'an 96:15 Notes In the name of peace we will show this pesky man of evil the violence he deserves. He is guilty of the crimes which Allah predestined him to commit, so he will suffer the punishment that Allah predestined him to deserve.

Qur'an 96:16 A deceitful, sinful forelock.	Qur'an 96:16 Notes Why can't the pesky clot of evil swallow every single thing we tell him?

Qur'an 96:17 Let him call on his gang.	Qur'an 96:17 Notes Non-believers all have secret mafia troops who are ready to come to their aid the moment people try to force their worldview onto them.

Qur'an 96:18 We will call the Guards.	Qur'an 96:18 Notes The mafia is made up of satanic creatures from the subterranean torture chambers.

Qur'an 96:19 No, do not obey him; but kneel down, and come near.	Qur'an 96:19 Notes The loving compassionate forgiving sky-tyrant asks just for the slightest favour of total absolute submission...or else...no more mister nice sky-God!